MSUE Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I really need all of you on this one...i have been friends w this girls for about 4 maybe 5 years...she's always been a bit odd but as a friend she is great...anyhow she is 38 and has a BF who is 50...they don't really have a R they haven't even had sex in like 2 years...one day she literally woke up thinking about an ex from 12 years ago...she decided she wanted him back...she hunted him down and finally found all the info on him and after weeks of begging she finally convinced me to go to the bar where he bartends on weekends only...she brought him several gifts keep in mind she hadn't seen him in all those years and they only dated for 6 months till she lost it on him and threw a knife at him...he was so shocked and in a weird way happy to see her...that same night at that bar I met my now BF ok she was very upset that I had my eyes on my now BF but God darn it I could not help myself...she was livid and hated him since that day because she needed my undivided attention cause she was nervous and in her own words this was supposed to be her night not mine. she found out he has a sports gig at sirius xm she subscribed so she could hear him daily even though the girls is absolutely clueless about any sport...she got him to give her his number and she started txting nonstop...she would txt him several times during his show telling him oh that was cool what you said or so funny or whatever...she kept old love letters and she reread them daily...since that night we have gone to the bar maybe 5 more times...its been 2 years now...she found him on facebook and requested him he confirmed her...at all this the guy is a great very sweet guy and truly has on interest in her he just doesn't have the courage to tell her to stop... he eventually told her he is dating this girl he works w at the bar...immediately she called me so we could go...she needed to see this girl to see if she was prettier and to see if he was saying the truth...the girl is stunning a perfect 10 my friend is more like a 4...she made herself believe this girl is ugly and has nothing on her...anyone that's not blind can see this girl should be a model ...she continued to push their buttons till the girl grabbed her iphone and showed her multiple pixs of them going out and even a pix of them kissing...she lost it...went out for a cig snapped like you wouldn't believe and walked back in like nothing ever happened...she has made herself believe that its not true that they are not dating...she has also convinced herself that him being nice to her means he also would like to get together again...this is clearly not the case...she brought more gifts that night too...she even made him a tape yes a tape not a cd with all their songs from the past because she still has a tape he made for her when they broke up and since she decided to get him back besides his show that is all she listens to...I finally convinced her to flat out ask him if there's a chance...I'm sick of this crazyness...she has been trying to go on a date w him for the last 2 years he keeps turning her down and she doesn't see it...doesn't get that he does not want to...she thinks he's just too busy anyhow finally convinced her and she asked via txt...he told her what I already knew..."we have too much history and I can't go backwards in life...I'm only going forward" she lost it again and spent days writing him a letter of love and trying to once again convince him to get w her...she read to me I was like OMG why can't you just let it go already...she sent it to his work email and others saw it...he ignored her for days till her constant messaging drove him nuts and he put an end to it...now she is just way out of it so so far from reality...she seeked mental help and is in various meds for psychosis ...but it just gets worse...now she wont leave him alone not one day and has repeatedly stated that she will do anything and everything to get him back no matter what or at what cost...keep in mind 12-13 years ago the chick threw a KNIFE at him...my BF does no longer let her come visit us...he does not want me out with her...he sees her as a danger and believes that she is ready to snap any second and I will be with her and I will get in trouble just as much and will end up arrested...he literally does not allow me to see her anymore...and I get it...still however my BF is a bit overprotective anyways but I would like her to be able to visit... I am scared for this guys safety...truly concerned...I believe she is capable of the worse what the heck should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
deux ex machina Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 I agree with your boyfriend - please stay away from her, for your own safety. She's getting mental help, as you stated, and you put in your time with her. You don't owe her anything. I understand you're feeling helpless, but unless you think she is a clear and present danger to herself/others (plan/method/means), nothing you can do here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MSUE Posted September 1, 2009 Author Share Posted September 1, 2009 I have told her repeatedly to leave him alone that he obviously is not into her...i told her she is bordering stalker ...not to be too offensive...when truly she is beyond stalkerish ...she may not be a danger righ this second but she is getting there faster and faster..a part of me wants to go to the bar and give him the heads up...he has let her know its not happening...but she has said to me multiple times "I wish he was harsher maybe it would get trough my thick head" I feel bad for this guy...something ugly is bound to happen very very soon Link to post Share on other sites
MistyK Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Wow. Just wow. I think your bf is wise. You have no way of predicting her behavior and she's acting totally nutso. I'm worried about your safety. She obviously has jealousy issues with your attention (from the night you met your bf) and I'm thinking your bf should be worried about his safety too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MSUE Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 Wow. Just wow. I think your bf is wise. You have no way of predicting her behavior and she's acting totally nutso. I'm worried about your safety. She obviously has jealousy issues with your attention (from the night you met your bf) and I'm thinking your bf should be worried about his safety too. she is something else these days...and she has always hated my BF...that night we exchanged numbers and he called me after he left the bar since we had both left at the same time...she took my phone away from me...told him he's too young for me (by 5 years BFD) to not waste his time!!! granted she was wasted but still...she hung up on him...so yeap the do not like each other my BF doesn't like her cause he thinks she is nuts...and she doesn't like him cause he has taken away my time with her...and I have always gotten more male attention that her when go out and it drives her nuts...she won't say it but I see her face boiling red... In any given case I'm more than concerned about this guy...I think I'm going to make a trip to the bar and have a lil talk w him...cause I know in my heart that the girl will snap and its just a matter of time. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Wow, if someone pulled my phone away from me while I was talking to a prospective new boyfriend, and advised the guy,"not to waste his time." WTF!!!!????!!!!!!!?????? "Granted, she was wasted"..............????? So inebriation is a blank check to behave atrociously? It`s bad enough when a jealous friend sabotages your lovelife behind your back, but this was a very brazen act. (not to mention controlling) This was not the act of a friend. If she did that in front of you, I`d hate to imagine what she`s done or said when your back is turned. I realize that you`re concerned about the safety of the bartender, I am more worried about YOU after reading your last post. What are you getting out of this friendship? I`m reminded of the "tiger by the tail" story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MSUE Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 well...at this point our "friendship" is via txt and FB...she doesn't even know where I live as I moved a couple weeks ago and my Bf wants it that way I can't imagine the fury if he found out she knows...but that means very little cause if she was able to hunt him down after 12-13 years so easily finding me would be a piece of cake...I freelance so when I work its always a different place and she can't keep track of that... its not me she is targeting but then again someone so unstable is unpredictable ...its him the bartender...and the girl I'm sure its on her list too cause they are dating... I don't know how much longer I can go to bed at night wout saying something to him...heaven forbid something happens and I knew all along...then I'm really never sleeping again Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 How about sending him an "anonymous" letter advising him to be very wary? My fear is that she`ll target you if she gets any wind of you talking to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MSUE Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 I though about that but a letter is black and white and evidence...and I don't want that out there...but I figured if my BF and I stop for drinks this weekend i'll just grab him quick and say "hey I know you are aware of (her name) and her feelings for you...I know trough her that you have repeatedly shut her down...I just want to give you the heads up that she is very obsessed with you in an unhealthy way and I'm scared of what she is capable of...and I myself have distanced from her for those reasons...you got a great girl and so much going for you I'd hate to see her destroy it or attempt to do so...and I think you should put a stop to it cause you are being too nice and she doesn't get it...she thinks there's hope every time your nice...so think about it later ...with that being being said let me have my guiness and a shot of jack...LOL I mean I think that would work...and its not like I go there w her only...I've been there w her like 5 or 6 times in the past 2 years...but my BF and I go a whole of a lot more often as we see the place special cause we met there. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MSUE Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 How about sending him an "anonymous" letter advising him to be very wary? My fear is that she`ll target you if she gets any wind of you talking to him. it'll be hard for her to catch me unless she says something cause she lives about an hour and a half away and doesn't hang in my neck of the woods unless is to go see him and she won't go w anyone else other than me...keeping my fingers crossed on that one though Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 well...at this point our "friendship" is via txt and FB...she doesn't even know where I live as I moved a couple weeks ago and my Bf wants it that way I can't imagine the fury if he found out she knows...but that means very little cause if she was able to hunt him down after 12-13 years so easily finding me would be a piece of cake...I freelance so when I work its always a different place and she can't keep track of that... its not me she is targeting but then again someone so unstable is unpredictable ...its him the bartender...and the girl I'm sure its on her list too cause they are dating... I don't know how much longer I can go to bed at night wout saying something to him...heaven forbid something happens and I knew all along...then I'm really never sleeping again You better hope to god that she doesn't decide to target you for some reason. This chick needs professional help. She sounds dangerous and I think she needs to be checked in somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 It`s great that you`re going to give him the "heads-up". I`d also advise him to make copies of emails or letters, and keep a log of when she`s called or made contact.......just in case....god forbid.............she does something really over the top. He may need to file a restraining order, and the evidence will help support his case............. I hope you`re considering cutting her out of your life entirely as well, it doesn`t seem worth the anxiety she`s causing. Link to post Share on other sites
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