lovesparis Posted August 27, 2009 Share Posted August 27, 2009 i have been friends with someone for over 10 years. he is engaged, i am in the wedding. he and his fiancee did something that hurt me terribly. i am hurt, i am angry, i am tempted to end friendship. when i called him out on it and told him how hurt i am, he responded by blaming someone else/the situation and isn't taking personal responsibility for his actions. in general (hopefully avoiding TMI) this is what happened: he (A) set up a financial arrangement with me, but he and fiancee (B) thought i was asking too much money. without giving me the choice of working within their budget, they made similar arrangements with a mutual friend © and expressly told C not to discuss this with me. A had the opportunity to discuss this with me but chose not to "b/c he wanted to avoid the conversation" we were currently having where i was hurt and angry. i just don't know how to handle this, or if i should just let this friendship go. i don't get upset or hurt often... so it's not "just another thing" paris is upset about, if that makes sense. any input or suggestion would be beneficial. Link to post Share on other sites
gemgirl Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 I am sorry to hear of your situation. It sounds emotionally stressful. Financial situations with friends can often end up in parties getting hurt because of the feelings attached to negotiations. I agree with you that your friend and fiancee should have been honest and upfront with you. That was a major bummer that they weren't and that is why there is this mess. From your post it seems like their intentions were not to harm you but to avoid conflict because they didn't want to hurt your feelings. Not a good way to handle the situation b/c you did get hurt. They obviously care about you because they would not have asked you to be a part of their wedding party if they didn't. 10 years is a long time to have a friend. How has your friendship been throughout these years? Rocky or strong and steady? Perhaps take some time to reflect on how you approached your friend about your feelings. Weddings are crazy times and sometimes people are so caught up that they just can't deal with drama. I would suggest, giving it some time and some thought. When you look back on this pictures from this wedding, what memories do you wish to have? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesparis Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 thanks for your response gemgirl no, i know they did not intend to hurt me... but they did, and aren't really willing to sincerely apologize. they apologize and then defend their actions which deflects from the matter at hand. i dislike my friends fiancee... and have discussed with him at least 2 times the behaviors that she has that throw red flags up for me. i leave my personal opinions of her out of the discussions i've had with him, and stick to what i've seen/heard her say. (ie: regarding the diamond tennis bracelet he bought her for christmas: "it's not a ring. i guess it will do") (obviously pre-engagement). aside from this, our friendship has been good throughout the years. ultimately, i suggested that we meet and discuss these issues face to face b/c the bull****, passive-agressive emailing (where she's responding to an email i sent to him and did not cc her) was just not doing it for me. i don't know what will come of it, but wish me luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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