Pink Cupcakes Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 I have a good male friend (let's call him Brick) (36 years old) who liked a woman (let's call her Sara) a little over a year ago, who he met at a winery. They had a couple dates, and she told him upfront at that point that she didn't feel a "spark" and just wanted to be friends. He took that literally, and they did spend time together as friends, and he introduced her to his circle of friends. However, Brick still was hoping that Sara would end up falling for him. Brick's really good male friend (let's call him Jake) met Sara one evening late last summer when Brick's group met for drinks and brought Sara along. Anyway, Jake and Sara really hit it off, and quickly became a couple (they are still together and are planning on moving in together soon). so...Brick went into depression and is still hung up on this, and thinks Jake is a dirty rotten guy for pursuing Sara, when he had told Jake that he liked Sara before they all met. Now Brick is still really upset about this whole thing and really hasn't moved on, and is no longer friends with Sara and Jake because of this, and pretty much trashes Jake publicly whenever he can because he "stole" Sara from him. Do you think it is unforgivable for a friend to go out with a friend, if the first friend likes her? I keep telling Brick to move on, but he really refuses to even try and date and keeps dwelling on this, and how horrible of a snake Jake is. I say love is love, and Sara was upfront with Brick early on, and why should she not date Jake if there is a spark and now love? It was meant to be with Jake and Sara - just not with Brick, but why should Jake and Sara refrain if there are feelings there, just to spare Brick's feelings? We are talking about adults here.... I have to side with Jake and Sara and if Brick were mature, he would move on and not let this ruin his friendship with Jake, because Jake really did nothing wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Brick is selfish & stubborn. By refusing to let go, he is being childish. If he really cares, he'll need to see things from Sara's eyes too. Because if he was in her shoes, he would of done the same thing. He needs to find someone else, 'cause this brick-n-sara dance was over when she said there's no 'spark'. It's a shame to be losing two friends because of his behavior I just hope someone can talk to Brick to look at things from a different angle other than his own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink Cupcakes Posted August 19, 2009 Author Share Posted August 19, 2009 I sort of see it like you guys. He needs to move on and forgive and forget. There are totally lots of women who would go out with Brick and he's still hung up on Sara which happened so long ago. Jake simply went with his heart when he met Sara. I have suggested counseling to Brick cause he still has a lot of anger about the whole thing and refuses to let go. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 OMG this is so much like my younger bro, a girl he liked and "Julian". Girl; he liked didn't like bro back in same way as bro liked girl.... "Julian" fell for girl he liked and girl he liked fell for "Julian". Bro got good 'n' mad, (exactly like Brick) and harboured sentiments - exactly like Brick. Taramaiden finally sick and tired of hearing all about it for unmpteenth time and finally lost it with bro, telling him "For pity's sake, grow up, you jerk, and get over it! It happened! She was absolutely up-front with you and told you from the start - 'it's not going to happen'! "Julian" got lucky, and now he and she are an item! What you going to do about it, wallow and whine all the time?? Jeesh, you are such a pain in the @$$ about this! if you can't be nice, be quiet, we're all fed up hearing about it! Now get over it and move on, bro, enough is enough, ok??" Grrrrr!! Bro finally shut up. Don't know if he's truly over it. Don't care. His problem, nobody else's. Just my two cents. And Bro's..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink Cupcakes Posted August 19, 2009 Author Share Posted August 19, 2009 Thanks. That made me smile. It does get draining, it is all we talk about (I see him about once a month.) OMG this is so much like my younger bro, a girl he liked and "Julian". Girl; he liked didn't like bro back in same way as bro liked girl.... "Julian" fell for girl he liked and girl he liked fell for "Julian". Bro got good 'n' mad, (exactly like Brick) and harboured sentiments - exactly like Brick. Taramaiden finally sick and tired of hearing all about it for unmpteenth time and finally lost it with bro, telling him "For pity's sake, grow up, you jerk, and get over it! It happened! She was absolutely up-front with you and told you from the start - 'it's not going to happen'! "Julian" got lucky, and now he and she are an item! What you going to do about it, wallow and whine all the time?? Jeesh, you are such a pain in the @$$ about this! if you can't be nice, be quiet, we're all fed up hearing about it! Now get over it and move on, bro, enough is enough, ok??" Grrrrr!! Bro finally shut up. Don't know if he's truly over it. Don't care. His problem, nobody else's. Just my two cents. And Bro's..... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 It's all we ever talked about too. And you're right, it is draining. But (forgive the accusation) you're playing into it. You're pandering to his hurt ego, and 'poor you, there-there-ing'.... D'you see what I mean? maybe what he needs is a short, sharp shock, and a wake-up call that he's being the proverbial pain in the profundis.... but you know him best, and only you would know whether that might have an effect. But one thing's for sure - if it's all he ever talks about, it's all you're ever going to hear - until you yourself refuse to hear it any more.... And you might have to hurt his feelings a bit to bring it to a close.... No offence, but you have to be a bit of a be-atch, maybe..... good luck with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink Cupcakes Posted August 19, 2009 Author Share Posted August 19, 2009 Good point! I will have to give "tough love" to my friend! (friend love only) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink Cupcakes Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 Yes it's difficult for Brick to forget so I do believe space from them as long as he needs is necessary but he does need to let go of the anger so he can give some other woman a chance. As long as he is obsessed like this (this was a year ago) he is wasting his dating life! Link to post Share on other sites
Flyleaf7889 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Tell Brick to suck it up and get over it. Sara doesn't like him and never will. She likes Jake. So he should stop hating and just deal. Act your age, not your shoe size! Link to post Share on other sites
your_shoulder Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 Sara is in love with Jake, not Brick obviously. So Brick should accept the fact that Sara is happy. If he truly loved Sara he would want nothing more for Sara then for Sara to be happy. And if Jake were truly a friend in Bricks heart then he would want to see Jake happy as well. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 I have to side with Jake and Sara and if Brick were mature, he would move on and not let this ruin his friendship with Jake, because Jake really did nothing wrong. The reason that Brick's holding this grudge is the same reason why he can't hit it off with women. He's not mature. He's a "nice guy" who puts on a facade of being friendly on the surface. Brick's the sneaky one; he's the one who hides who he really is and what his real feelings are. He's the one who hangs out with someone not because he really wants to be friends but because he hopes this girl will be somehow conned into having romantic feelings for him. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Do you call him Brick because his personality resembles one? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink Cupcakes Posted August 24, 2009 Author Share Posted August 24, 2009 You are right on the nose here! This makes total sense! The reason that Brick's holding this grudge is the same reason why he can't hit it off with women. He's not mature. He's a "nice guy" who puts on a facade of being friendly on the surface. Brick's the sneaky one; he's the one who hides who he really is and what his real feelings are. He's the one who hangs out with someone not because he really wants to be friends but because he hopes this girl will be somehow conned into having romantic feelings for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink Cupcakes Posted August 24, 2009 Author Share Posted August 24, 2009 Do you call him Brick because his personality resembles one? Ha ha, no, my friend's real name starts with BR, too. Link to post Share on other sites
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