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Can Men and Women Truly Be Friends?


frustrated&sad

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frustrated&sad

Last night I got into a deep discussion with some friends of mine--both male and female--many of whom believe that men and women cannot truly be friends. Their claims were that there is always sexual tension, ulterior motives, or unrequited love (and other such ideas). And many thought men and women are only friends because they want to have sex with one another or they imagine the possibility.

 

I have male friends who I really think of as just friends who happen to be of the opposite gender.

 

Thoughts on this? Am I one of the last remaining people that wants to cling to the possibility of there being no strange tensions?

 

I'm curious because one of my guy friends who was most adamant about the non-possibility kind of bummed me out. Now I am all paranoid.

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I have male friends who I really think of as just friends who happen to be of the opposite gender.

please read the bolded part....and no, men and women cannot truly be friends

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frustrated&sad
See The Ladder Theory.

 

In short, from a guy's point of view, men and women CAN be friends as long as there is no sexual longing between them.

 

I forgot about that great scene in When Harry Met Sally...I guess it is kind of true! For women too!

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frustrated&sad
please read the bolded part....and no, men and women cannot truly be friends

 

You are killing me, alphamale! Please say it is not true!

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It's possible, but very difficult. As Nietzsche once said,“A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy.”

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Thoughts on this? Am I one of the last remaining people that wants to cling to the possibility of there being no strange tensions?
Odds are against friendship: If you're halfway decent looking and you two get along really well, you'll grow on the male friend. And if he doesn't already happen to be in a relationshp, he's going to become romantically interested in you.

 

In other words, I think it's likely that your male friends actually want a relationship with you.

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I think men and women can truly be friends but not just friends like people of the same gender. Even to gay men can be just a couple of guys, but once you introduce the female/male dynamic well it changes. I've been friends with sexy females before but I acknowledged that I found them sexy but had no motive to date them... but on the same respect I would have had sex had they wanted to I just didn't have a crush or anything on them you know I aknowledged they were hot but also aknowledged I enjoyed them as a friend better then trying anything. So no men and women can't "just be friends" but they can be something that feels and apears like just friends when you forget a few key things

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So no men and women can't "just be friends" but they can be something that feels and apears like just friends when you forget a few key things

 

Men and women can be friends, but there's got to be some boundaries - otherwise, they'll slip into some kind of relationship.

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the only way it can work is if both people are repulsed sexually by one another; otherwise one person will always have feelings for the other if not both. those feelings will almost never come out and will be repressed.

 

the situation may also work if there is a significant age difference and there is a mother-son like relationship or vice-versa. otherwise it is a myth.

 

i bet a ton of those guys who you are friends with are secretly dying to at least have sex with you if not more.

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I think it can work. I'm friends with old hs guys from 9-10 yrs back, and we all hang out in groups together, and maybe out to eat "alone" once in a long while. I think it's because we are all focused about lives and careers, and are genuinely interested in how we are all doing. Being physical is usually one the last of our minds or topics of conversation. Maybe we've all friend-zoned eachother.

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I'm a firm believer that men and women can be friends. I have close male friends who are primarily married to my close female friends.

 

As long as you share sufficient interests with men, they can give you a different insight into all kinds of things. One thing to expect, though, is that you'll find that some get a crush on you. It's not a big deal because if handled right, it goes away. Once a male friend crushes on you, don't flirt. Treat him like an equal friend, regardless of gender, and most often, he'll get the message and the crush will pass. :)

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Depends on the person. I can be friends with guys I'm not attracted to, and even if I'm attracted to them, eventually the attraction goes away and I don't really want to be anything more than friends.

 

For some people, friendship can occur, but only if ( as all the other posters mentioned) there are no sexual attractions between the parties involved.

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bluejeanbebe

Depends on so many factors as there are so many variables and complexities that make up human relationships- in all forms.

 

My first thought would be depends on what type of 'friends' you are talking about. We all have various kinds; childhood, college, work, day-to-day, gym, best, etc. My 'best' friend is a guy that I've known since college, and we've usually had significant others most of the time that we've known each other... and of course now he's married and has a family. And he lives several hours away and we only see each other occasionally... but I definitely still call him my 'friend'. But strip all that away, and say that we've known each other for years, and we've both been single the whole time, and we saw each other more often.... I would say something might have happened at some point or another. Not that it would have ever worked... I know his flaws backwards and forwards and it would have driven me crazy, but I can tell there as always been a bit of attraction from both sides just under the surface. Overall, day-to-day friends probably not, but long-time or work friends... maybe.

 

My second thought would be, depends on what your current 'status' is, whether you are married, in a serious relationship, whatever. It seems whenever I had a serious BF I never had a problem having guy friends.... but the second I became single... it suddenly was a problem. My ~married~ friends (not my best friend as spoken earlier) all of a sudden would do and say things that led me to believe that I was the object of their desire this whole time.... like all of a sudden it was open season to starting hitting all over me.. not cool! So I would say as long as you are 'taken', then it's probably ok (then you can be 'friend-zoned'), but if you are not, then it leads to too much to temptation, and as others have stated, guys will always want something more anyway (the primal brain takes over and says 'must pursue').

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I have 1 good female friend, I could never see myself dating or sexing her though. She's 3x my weight and doesn't give off any type of attractive vibe. We both are very cynical and witty people, and like the same music/movies, so we just kind of click on that level. I'll be honest, she's the exception, I agree with everyone else in this topic :laugh:.

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I have 1 good female friend, I could never see myself dating or sexing her though. She's 3x my weight and doesn't give off any type of attractive vibe. We both are very cynical and witty people, and like the same music/movies, so we just kind of click on that level. I'll be honest, she's the exception, I agree with everyone else in this topic :laugh:.

the mass majority of my freinds are women. i always wind up in this thing called the freindzone when i am seeking other things. but its alright seeing as though most of these women turn out to be realy good freinds who i can tell anything. even though i dont tell them jack sh*t. because i dont need to.

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I sincerely think that men and women can be just friends.. without ANY sexual 'vibes'.. absolutely none..

 

But ironically, my best best male friends are guys that I once had sex with.. and now.. I'm sooo over them sexually.. and I think they are too.. (but not sure about that one ;)).. but anyway.. they know where I stand and if they want to remain in my circle of 'just friends' they have to abide by the 'rules' :laugh:.. no sex.. just good clean straight fun..

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Women can be friends, men can't. And it's not because they fundamentally cannot be friends with a woman, they simply CHOOSE not to be friends. I'm tired of men using their genitalia as an excuse to throw away something potentially wonderful. Ok, I'm certainly not saying that romantic/sexual feelings don't develop, but if they are unreturned, why can't a man just accept that instead of throwing away a friendship with someone who may be there for you when no one else is. THAT is what friendship is really about.

 

Trust me, I speak from experience here. My best friend is a male and we stopped being friends a while back for a few years over this issue, but we re-connected now that he is married to the woman of his dreams, and we are good friends again. I just wish more men would be more mature and not think that every time a woman smiles at him she wants to get laid OR that when a woman says she wants to be friends and nothing more, she would be believed instead of having a horny guy think he can "change her mind" with his awesomeness.

 

Sorry for the rant, but it's annoying. All humans - male and female - need a balance of friendships in their lives and I wish more men would embrace this with no expectations.

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big_girls_rock

Of course they can. If both respect each others decisions to be completely platonic, it's very possible. I have tons of male friends who I've grown up with that I see as brothers and would never even dream of sleeping with them and vice versa. You have tons of situations where it applys. For example, a Church Group situation- if you see those men as your "brother in Christ" sleeping with one another isn't an option unless you plan on getting married.

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Being a single guy, I can say from experience that the answer is yes, provided the women is kept in the outer circle of friends. Once in your inner circle of friends, I somehow do notice them more and begin asking to myself "Why not try to make her more than just friends?"

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Men can be friends with women but not close friends where they see each other and talk all the time. If a man spends lots of time with a women and bonds with her, emotionally, then he will fall in love with her. Many times it is out of his control and not something he wanted to happen but men and women are different in how they process relationships.

 

Many men will stay under the radar and act like a friend for years but he has probably been in love with his friend for a long time and hangs around because he would rather worship her as a friend than make a move and be rejected. It is a lonely life for many of these guys who accept friendship with a women they love because they don't have the strength or self esteem to break away and find love while still maintaining the friendship.

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Like MEA said, if there is no sexual tension between the two, then yes they can.

 

One of my best friends is a female. Going on 10 years now.

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I have known a woman 9yrs purely as a freind, there was a time we both fancied each other (back in the early days ), we talked about it, but decided it would ruin our friendship if we got together, since then , we have come to understand each other more, we would def be no good in a relationship together, we'd clash terribly, but as friends we get on great, none of my girlfriends have ever felt threatened by her in the least, the only time we actually get together and go shopping or hang out, is when were both single, theres an unspoken code that sort of tells me not to call an see her and be a pain if shes dating and vice versa , if were out with prospective partners and we bump into each other its different.

she's actually a really good mate , if ive split from sum one, she's the first person I go and see to talk too, she's my age and has had a very colorfull life, she has often told me exs are exs for a reason , not to keep going back to them , vo matter the length of time apart, because the only thing were holding onto is the memories....we have a true friendship, but yes , it did start as a physical attraction, but thankfully nothing came of it.:)

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  • 1 month later...

Me and my guy friend were discussing this and the more we talked it was obvious that guys will never see girls as plutonic but girls can see guys that way. He also says that every girl a guy knows is on some "priority list" of being able to date which is never set.

 

I know he doesn't speak for every guy, BUT he did say guys are always wired like this, and it's one thing he doesn't like about himself, that guys can 'do' anyone.

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