Fay Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 There's this platonic male friend of mine. I love hanging out with him as we always have the most fascinating conversations and he's a really great guy. He's one of my very best friends. The problem, and I'm not the only one who's pointed it out, is that he has terrible hygiene. Like, you can smell him from ten feet away. We think he doesn't use deodorant and only bathes occasionally. He always reeks like a sack of armpits! VERY STRONGLY!! I literally have to breathe through my mouth when he's around so the stench doesn't choke me. His dental hygiene also leaves much to be desired - his teeth are always coated with weird multicolored crap. How can I gently nudge him to improve his hygiene? I don't want to stop hanging out with him because he is the coolest, but I can't just up and say, "Jim, you smell like a goat. Go bathe." It would hurt his feelings. I was considering making a fake Facebook account and sending him an anonymous message telling him his poor hygiene is offending people. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Not the love ace Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 Its good that you are honest however first off: Don't breathe into through your mouth it'll be worst. Secondly, just let him know very nicely. Just be totally honest with him and tell him that his order is strong and that people always make comments about it and that it hurts you as a friend for people to talk about him in that way. Just let him know instead of going through great lengths like getting an anonymous Facebook account and telling him for he will more-than-likely have a clue who it is. Just be upfront, don't hide. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 I agree with love ace...just be direct but gentle. I think this will be a lot better than going through some top secret mission to let him know. He'll appreciate the feedback I'm sure, once he gets over the blow to his ego. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 Tell him, "Hey buddy, you know I love ya, but man, you stink! No offense but it's time to shower and put on some deo." Or, just buy him a stick of deoderant and give it to him, tell him you bought it on sale and had an extra one. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 I was considering making a fake Facebook account and sending him an anonymous message telling him his poor hygiene is offending people That's just cruel. Either be honest and tell him in a nice way he needs to shower more often or offer him the deo stick. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 Be a good friend.. face to face is the way to go.. it isn't easy... We had to do it with a guy at work many years ago.. and you know what... He had no clue that he stunk.. he was used to it, but after the talk he took care of it and it was never a problem again. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 There's this platonic male friend of mine. I love hanging out with him as we always have the most fascinating conversations and he's a really great guy. He's one of my very best friends. The problem, and I'm not the only one who's pointed it out, is that he has terrible hygiene. Like, you can smell him from ten feet away. We think he doesn't use deodorant and only bathes occasionally. He always reeks like a sack of armpits! VERY STRONGLY!! I literally have to breathe through my mouth when he's around so the stench doesn't choke me. His dental hygiene also leaves much to be desired - his teeth are always coated with weird multicolored crap. How can I gently nudge him to improve his hygiene? I don't want to stop hanging out with him because he is the coolest, but I can't just up and say, "Jim, you smell like a goat. Go bathe." It would hurt his feelings. I was considering making a fake Facebook account and sending him an anonymous message telling him his poor hygiene is offending people. What do you think? Don't tip toe around it. If he smells bad, kindly nudge him and tell him to shower. Face to face is the best way. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 Don't tip toe around it. If he smells bad' date=' kindly nudge him and [b']tell him to shower.[/b] Face to face is the best way. I agree.. be honest with him.. better yet.. offer to shower WITH him.. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 I agree.. be honest with him.. better yet.. offer to shower WITH him.. I like where you're going with this...... the shower that is Link to post Share on other sites
Birdy Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 (It's me, Fay) No, no, I can't up and tell him. It would really hurt his feelings. I can't bring myself to do it. I don't have the balls. Do you think maybe if I discreetly left a Ziploc bag with soap, deodorant, a toothbrush and toothpaste in his house, he might get the hint without being certain that that's what it meant? I need ideas that do NOT involve telling him or implying directly that he reeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Cavey Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 i'm not trying to stand up for him by no means but he might be like me and sweat alot. i take a shower every day and people at work complain to me every so often that i smell. Here is what i'd recommend if you wanna be descrete about it and not tell him directly. i'm going to assume your a female by your name. take him with you to the store;kmart, walmart, cvs, anything. goto the hygene section and ask him to smell different shampoo's with you, flirt with him a little, say you know if you used this type of soap or shampoo i think it would smell great on you. obviously a scented soap like irish spring. don't lead him on though tell him what you like and that you are a lady also so you know what women like. then take him over to the cologne dept and test some of them out. offer to pay for it. he will be apprecitavie of it. i had a female friend do this with me a long time ago and that helped me improve my hygene. i got the hint that i smelled and started taking better care of my self. when you see him again and he dosn't smell and is wearing the cologne and everything compliment him on how he smells that will help bring his ego back up. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 Fay, hes not going to take a hint. Facebook, plastic bags, that wont do it. Its You have to accept that telling him might be painful. He has to be told by a person. If you feel too guilty because you think he will hate you, then have someone else do it. Link to post Share on other sites
whimsical_memory Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 First, for all the posters that keep telling her to flirt with him (or shower with him), she did mention that they are simply PLATONIC friends. I don't flirt with my platonic friends -nor do I shower with them. Fay, put yourself into his shoes and think about how you would want someone to tell you about your body odor problem. Would you want someone to beat around the bush and pretend like it's not that big of a deal? Or would you want someone to send you anonymous messages? I would be willing to bet that you would much rather have someone tell you face-to-face the truth about yourself, no matter how embarrassing it might be for you (and more so for him). You say you are a friend, and you love hanging out with him ...how much of a friend are you that you're not willing to speak truthfully to him? I am casting my vote in the 'be honest with him' box. In cases like this, tactfulness will not work, and could hurt him deeply to find out that people are talking about him behind his back. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 There's this platonic male friend of mine. I love hanging out with him as we always have the most fascinating conversations and he's a really great guy. He's one of my very best friends. The problem, and I'm not the only one who's pointed it out, is that he has terrible hygiene. Like, you can smell him from ten feet away. We think he doesn't use deodorant and only bathes occasionally. He always reeks like a sack of armpits! VERY STRONGLY!! I literally have to breathe through my mouth when he's around so the stench doesn't choke me. His dental hygiene also leaves much to be desired - his teeth are always coated with weird multicolored crap. How can I gently nudge him to improve his hygiene? I don't want to stop hanging out with him because he is the coolest, but I can't just up and say, "Jim, you smell like a goat. Go bathe." It would hurt his feelings. I was considering making a fake Facebook account and sending him an anonymous message telling him his poor hygiene is offending people. What do you think? Don't be gentle. Tell him. He's obviously letting himself go and stands no chance of finding a woman this way. Trust me, you'd be doing him a favor. Link to post Share on other sites
vayne417 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I would just tell him I have a best friend guy friend and he tells me the truth about stuff that might hurt my feelings all the time. I you care about him you should just tell him the most sensitive way you can... you never know he might clean up wonderfully Link to post Share on other sites
dunstable Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 If you are a good friend, you will summon up the courage to tell him gently about his odour. Even if he never speaks to you again, you will have done him a favor. Almost certainly, he doesn't realize he smells. There is a small probability he knows and regards it as a demonstration of his individuality, a demonstration to the world of his lack of concern for what other people think -- I have known a couple of people with that disturbed attitude. Whether he is aware of his odour or not, I think being a friend demands mentioning it, face to face. Link to post Share on other sites
caduceus Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 I personally liked the "Jim, you smell like a goat" thing. My wife and I have a female friend who never wore deodorant. It was terrible to be around her, except for the fact that she is the coolest person on the planet. My wife pulled her aside one day and said, "Sweetie, I really love you, but you need to use deodorant." She took it very well actually and the next time we saw her, she smelled like a real girl. But if you're more the passive aggressive type, then sure, why not leave a little care package on the step? Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Don't be a coward and pussyfoot around this. If it offends people (and you KNOW it does) then he'll appreciate you telling him how to solve this problem. I think he'll thank you for it. Just grow some ovaries and TELL HIM! Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Yes, tell him. It would get him more dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts