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Overreacting to friend's comment?


CloudyHead

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I've been friends with A for over 10 years. A was in my wedding. We've taken trips together. Due to kids and life in general, we don't see each other as often as before, but, we do get together for events such as birthdays, holidays, etc.

 

A had a birthday party for her son a week ago. I usually end up watching all of the kids at the birthday parties and events at A's house - staying with them in the playroom, playing outside, etc. About 30 people were at A's house for the party and 5 kids (2 were mine & 2 were A's). I left my son (age 3) alone in the living room with a room full of adults while I was in the kitchen for 15 minutes talking to A's parents.

 

Unbeknownst to me, during the 15 minutes I was out of the living room, my son wrestled with a 8 year old girl. I knew everyone at the party. No one came to get me. No one said anything to me. No one cried. Nothing was broken. I didn't know my son had wrestled with the girl.

 

Four days after the party, A calls me at 7:45 AM to tell me that I needed to do a better job of watching my son. Her words were "you need to watch your son". That was the sole purpose of the call. I asked her why and she told me what I wrote in the paragraph above. I pointed out to her that I was away for 15 minutes talking to her parents - which she acknowledged was true. I told her that no one mentioned to me that my son acted badly while I was there. I also pointed out to her that I usually spend my time watching everyone's kids, even her kids, during the birthday parties and I merely took 15 minutes to talk to an adult. She said she knew I always watched everyone's kids. She said she felt that we had an open relationship wherein she could tell me anything. I responded that her kids do things when I watch them that I resolve myself and don't run to her with every issue.

 

We haven't spoken since this conversation.

 

I always go to her house for 4th of July and I am thinking that I will not attend.

 

Am I overreacting to A's telephone call? I was offended and angry at her comment.

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An 8-year old couldn't handle a 3-year old? :rolleyes: And a room full of "adults" couldn't handle a 3-year old and an 8-year old? :rolleyes: :rolleyes: Sounds more like a room full of babies, if you ask me. Which, your son is the only one who actually qualifies.

 

Whether or not you're over-reacting, your feelings of being offended and angry are still there. Any other feelings? Embarrassment at how your kid supposedly acted? Disappointed because your friend didn't step into a parenting role for your kid, the way you've done for hers?

 

Does your kid have difficulty expressing his feelings of upset, frustration, etc., or being age-appropriately social? If that's the case, you could just tell her, "Thanks for the heads-up...I'm definitely going to find out how to help my son deal with ALL his emotions, and be able to interact better with other kids." There are age-appropriate ways, and it is up to all adults to teach it to all kids.

 

You could also say, "I'm disappointed, though, that you didn't just interrupt what the two kids were doing, and then come and get me. Would you mind doing that if anything like this happens again?" (It's on the 8-year old and HER parents/adults, too!)

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Thanks for the response. No, I am not embarrassed by my son's actions for the simple fact I believe if it was so bad, surely someone would have said something to me at the time it happened?! My friend did not say anything at all to me until four days later.

 

At this point, we haven't spoken in a week.

 

And, yes, I am angry about her comment.

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