This 1 goes way back...

[Kari2460]

My best-guy-friend and I have been friends for many years & our families are even friends also. I recently re-started a friendship with an old girlfriend (not in the bi-sexual aspect or anything- that's just what we call our friends who are females out here where I live). She and I had been friends in highschool, but she ended our friendship due to false rumors/gossip. She and I re-connected and became good friends once again after taking the time we both needed, it was actually many years- she contacted me again out of nowhere through myspace. After clearing the air & deciding to hangout once again, we'd also include My best-guy-friend who would spend time hanging/having fun with us & other friends of ours too. After approx: 2months of this, I met my fiance' and then things with all of our friendships changed. Of course I wasn't able to do as much with every1 as frequently as I would have. Not that there was any issues with my fiance' since everyone really liked him & was very happy for me! My fiance' was comfortable with my brother-like friendship with my best-guy-friend & even became good friends with him & my old-new-girl-friend from highschool too. We'd all do things together & have tons of fun. As time does, it changed my best guy-friend & my other friends relationship into one of boyfriend & girlfriend. Since then things have changed once again & it seems they do not want to be in contact with my fiance' and I anymore. They flake-out, they don't return calls/text messages. My girl-friend even told me that my best guy-friend has said things were different between us now, which was odd for me that she told me he said this & that I didn't think there was any differences, but only from their side! When I started to spend more alone time with my boyfriend way back in the beginning of our relationship, they sure let me know that I shouldn't forget my friends and that I needed to not leave them out,etc. and so I thanked them for telling me that & I changed things- we all spent time together once again-- until now. My fiance' says to just Let It Be and they'll come around-- but I can't seem to be okay with just that. I'm not sure what to do, I feel like I'm losing my best guy-friend & my girl-friend. I don't want to tell them what they had previously told me about "not forgetting my friends, etc" because i know it will make a mountain out of a mole-hill with them & so I'm left without any options now. I'm open to any advice anyone has for me on this- Thank You~

[Ronni_W]

You could say something like, "Hey, remember when I started dating Fiance and you guys did me such a huge favour by reminding me not to forget about my friends just cos I was in a new relationship? Okay...so how's the best way for me to repay that favour, cos I feel like we all are drifting apart."

 

And however they respond to that...yeah, you do need to find a way to make it okay within yourself if they don't change anything that will bring any/all of you closer.

 

I get that you are at risk of losing TWO significant and valuable friendships. Hopefully if you communicate directly and honestly with them, without coming across as needy/fearful of that potential loss, things will start running smoothly again.

But, if everyone is just growing and changing, then your own peace of mind would depend on you accepting that as a natural progression of Life.

 

Have you let them know, directly and honestly, how happy you are for each of them?

[Kari2460]

In Response to "Ronnie_W"s Post:

Thank you very much for the advice-- I think I'll def use that

on what to say regarding the situation. There have been many times that I have told them I am very happy for them & that all I ever want is for my friends to be Happy. I'm not sure what will happen after I get the chance to talk with them again. If nothing does come from it, then Yes, I will have to accept it as life changing, which it does ever so frequently... thanks again.