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Friendship over - did I do anything wrong?


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Hey guys this is my first post on this forum so I first of all just wanted to say hi!

 

I'm a 25 year old male who went back to university last September to study full time for a masters degree. Previously I'd worked in finance and wanted to do something different with my life and persue an academic career. I like to think of myself as a decent, hard working person who goes that extra mile for my friends. Unfortunately since the age of 15 I have suffered from long term clinical depression which tends to manifest itself when I am in stressful situations.

 

Early on in my degree (sometime last October) I became friends with a girl who lives in my building. Due to the hours of our lectures we were always in the building at the same time so spent a lot of time together and quickly became extremely close. She has a long term b/f and I'm single, but there wasn't any sexual tension although I do admit to having some feelings for her. Before Christmas she was having major relationship problems with her b/f and I really supported her and helped her solve her problems, which did have some detrimental effect on my studies as I was always with her, but because we were really close and I cared about her a great deal it didn't really bother me. She would always say things like I was one of her closest friends and she wouldn't have settled in to uni if she hadn't met me. This obviously really touched me and made our friendship closer.

 

Around mid-January / February as the workload got more stressful i slipped back into depression. I don't often tell people I meet about my depression as the subject of mental health is still very taboo, and I usually can manage by avoiding people when I have my down days. As I spent a lot of time with this girl I'd told her really early on and she was really understanding as some people in her family have suffered from it. However when I started getting down I noticed at first she was supportive, but quickly started to put some 'distance' between us, and started hanging round with other people in our building who before she had no interest in. This in turn made my depression much worse, because I felt like i was being adandoned by someone who I thought could never abandon me.

 

Things got a lot worse around March / April when we had some arguments on nights out. She would completely blank me when she was drunk and when I would get upset and confront her the next day she would should at me and deny she had done so. The quality time we spent together also started to lessen and I noticed that I had much more fun on nights out when she wasn't there. By this point I'd started dating a girl off my course who came out on a night out with us once. My friend got really upset that night and i ditched the girl i was with to take her home because I was really worried about her. I felt really stupid the next day because it felt like I always went out my way for this girl and the favour was rarely returned. She doesn't drive so I'd always take her places in my car (her b/f does drive but has not visited her at uni once, she always goes to his place which is a 6 hour train journey). I started to feel a bit used but i still really cared about her so tried not to think about it.

 

One night when I was feeling really down I was in her room and she was slightly drunk having gone to a bar with some friends earlier. She started shouting at me after i made some comment about the film we were watching and accused me of being sexist and said that I always made sexist comments which really hurt me because it was total bs. I completely snapped and without shouting told her she was being evil and manipulative and I was really upset. She went really quiet and said she was tired and was going to bed. I didn't speak to her for a week because I thought she was calling off the friendship but I got a text message 7 days later basically having a go at me saying I'd really hurt her and I was a terrible friend. I tried hard over the next 2 days patching up the friendship but it just didn't feel the same after that. I slipped more and more into depression and at our uni summer ball a week ago she completely ignored me all night practically.

 

I got back from holiday 2 days ago and went round to her flat and basically told her how i felt, that I cared about her a great deal but that I couldn't take the way our friendship had changed. She basically blamed my depression and said that she found it hard to deal with me and my problems. This obviously hurt me a great deal because I'd always been there for her and it felt like now all her problems were solved she didn't need me any more.

 

All my friends back home are telling me that this girl is a complete bitch and I should just walk away from the friendship. I'm a reasonably sensible guy and know that this is what i need to do, and fortunately as uni is now finishing I'll be going home in a month or two and won't have to see or speak to her again. But i still feel incredibly hurt and I'm still thinking that there are things I can do to patch up the friendship and make it as wonderful as it was before Christmas. Am I being naive? Or is there something here worth saving?

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NiceGuy4Ever

My dear good friend there is nothing worth saving. While reading this I have to agree with your friends. She is a royal B****. Let it go my friend, she used you, abused you, and blamed you for everything that went wrong. It's not your fault, it's hers. She ruined it so why should you, the one who suffered the most, be the one to try to patch things up? Let her go. Hope this helps.

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