CollegeGuy22 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Ok, so there is a girl I met in January in one of my classes. She is wonderful. Smart, funny, beautiful etc etc. She had a boyfriend at the time. I had no interest in dating her, so we just became friends. I was fine with that. A moth after meeting her, I got her number so we could "hang out sometime" Real casual. She was cool with me getting her number. Well the weeks went on, we would text on occasion, clarification on homework or whatever. In class, we would always talk and became good friends. Not "close," like we didn't spill our guts out, but good friends. I wanted to remain friends, I didn't want her to think I was trying to get in her pants, so I would ask about her boyfriends, ie if they were doing anything for VDay, stuff like that. She never seemed to want to talk about him. To further the "friend" relationship, I would be sure to say "Hey friend" or "Hey buddy" so she knew. However, I never came out and said "I just want to be friends." I never really thought it was needed, because I never made a move on her. Overall, we were pretty tight, and the whole class pretty much knew we were tight. One girl even told me that from the way this girl treats me, she likes me. I texted her once asking if she wanted to get lunch. Got no reply. Asked her in person, she said she never got the text, and told me to text her on Tthursday. Once again, no reply. She also hasn't replied to the odd casual FB wall post. We almost went to a Bucks game, but she had to work that evening. (Her story was elaborte enough that I believe her). I dont think she was "embarrassed" to be seen with me, because she would always greet me wonderfully around campus, and give me a hug a few times in crowded cafeterias. She graduated in May, about the same time her boyfriend and her broke up, but told me to give her a call so we could go to a Brewers game sometime. I would love to, but based on past history, I am not sure if I am going to get a reply. 1) Should I call her? 2) Why would a girl be so friendly and nice, and not follow thru like her? 3) We were such good friends, at what point to i give up?! Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 at what point to i give up?! Give up now. Not calling you back is an indication that she doesn't value you very much. Now, you can continue to stress about this one girl who doesn't value you, or you can say "forget her," and focus on the people (and women) in your life who DO show an interest in you. Your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CollegeGuy22 Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 Thanks for the reply kizik. And thank you for being honest. A couple of questions. 1) Was our friendship just a sham, or was it just something she wanted to keep in the classroom? 2) If she doesn't value me why would she tell me so many times that we should hang out? Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 College Guy, 1) I don't know the specifics; only you can answer this question. 2) Because needy girls have to have a backup guy to inflate their ego when the chips are down. IMO, you were being used. No romantic interest on her part. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CollegeGuy22 Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 1) But I wasn't even romantically interested in her, either! Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 OK... well anyway, to reiterate, just stop worrying about this girl. She's not worth your trouble. Do you have hobbies/goals/passions? What are they? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CollegeGuy22 Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 OK... well anyway, to reiterate, just stop worrying about this girl. She's not worth your trouble. Do you have hobbies/goals/passions? What are they? Don't worry kizik. Im not crying or getting all depressed over this. I'm just confused, and I wish her and I could be friends. But no depression from me. Yeah I play guitar, and basketball, and I want to either be a Sports Agent or a psychologist. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 I'm just confused, and I wish her and I could be friends. But no depression from me. Yeah I play guitar, and basketball, and I want to either be a Sports Agent or a psychologist. I hear ya. It sucks to lose friends. But I guess what I was saying is that she probably never viewed you with the same appreciation you gave her. You know how I know this? Because she doesn't do simple, human things like calling you back. Your interests sound great. Focus on those, and it will all fall into place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CollegeGuy22 Posted June 6, 2009 Author Share Posted June 6, 2009 Alright thanks much. I really appreciate it. If anyone else has any thoughts different, or echoing, please post away! Link to post Share on other sites
Left in a Lurch Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 One thing I have found is that when you become interested, it is very easy to rationalize things for the best. No return calls, you think she maybe she was really busy. Problem is nobody is ever too busy to return a call or especially a text, everyone gets a lunch, makes calls while driving... When this happens to me, it is hard to step back and see the real situation. She is demonstrating consistently a general lack of interest in you and not extending common friendly gestures like a response. I have female friends where I work that I am casually friendly with and go out with maybe once or twice a year but if I call them or talk about going out and they cancel or can't do it, they proactively apologize and suggest other plans for another time and simply follow through. I have found if someone is really interested in going out with you and you suggest going out, there is a huge difference between them answering, "Sure, call me sometime" and "When?". It seems to me she might have been giving you the "call me sometime" easy way out. You also know that everyone everywhere gets text messages all the time. She may not have seen it that day, but the chances a message did not go through at all are one in a billion considering you probably sent it to her from your contacts or as a reply and assuming you didn't send it to the wrong number. Saying she did not get it was a lie and I think you see that and that says a lot. That being said: 1. What have you got to lose, but don't expect any different- learn from history 2. It's easier to drop a casual friend than to make an effort to see them. 3. I think you give up when you get to the point of asking if you should give up. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Back off completely. She knows you're into her, trust me. She has a boyfriend and doesn't want to hurt your feelings.. Let her call you and if she calls, do NOT bring up getting together.. If she is interested in hanging out with you then she will bring it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Smith Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 Back off completely. She knows you're into her, trust me. She has a boyfriend and doesn't want to hurt your feelings.. Let her call you and if she calls, do NOT bring up getting together.. If she is interested in hanging out with you then she will bring it up. This. She needs/wants attention. Make her earn it, or let her go else where. Games are for kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 Here's an interesting twist : Maybe she liked you all along but you emphasized * buddy ~pal ~ friend * everytime you spoke to her. If she DID like you in any romantic way I think you squashed that . Next time , refer to a girl ( whether you like her in a RW or not~ with her NAME. ) And as we state here and will do so again : IF you do like her in any romantic way , NEVER be her buddy. You are forever lost in the friendzone.... I realize she had a bf but that didn't mean they had a great R. She never talked about him. For all you know he could have been abusive or a myraid of other things... Link to post Share on other sites
Author CollegeGuy22 Posted June 8, 2009 Author Share Posted June 8, 2009 Here's an interesting twist : Maybe she liked you all along but you emphasized * buddy ~pal ~ friend * everytime you spoke to her. If she DID like you in any romantic way I think you squashed that . Next time , refer to a girl ( whether you like her in a RW or not~ with her NAME. ) And as we state here and will do so again : IF you do like her in any romantic way , NEVER be her buddy. You are forever lost in the friendzone.... I realize she had a bf but that didn't mean they had a great R. She never talked about him. For all you know he could have been abusive or a myraid of other things... True....I think Ill call her one more time, a last hoorah, and thatll be it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 True....I think Ill call her one more time, a last hoorah, and thatll be it. How about you tell her the truth : " You know Jenny I always liked you but respected that you were in a R. I called you buddy~pal because I didn't want you to get the wrong idea. .......Would you like to go to dinner friday ? " Link to post Share on other sites
Author CollegeGuy22 Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 Well, I called her a couple days ago and left a voicemail. Got nothing back. I guess its over. Nonetheless, thanks for the help everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 What kind of college kid pursues a "Platonic" relationship with a girl? Thats a complete waste of your time, and hers, why dont you get a gf and get laid so you can have both a friend and lover? Link to post Share on other sites
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