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Struggle keeping friends


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I'm new to this forum and I would like to say that I'm 22 years old and I have yet to make a real "best" friend. :( I can find friends but they only last for so long. I have a hard time keeping the friends I find. I'm a shy person and I really struggle chit chatting with others. I have found out that the key to any relationship be it friend or more is to be able to communicate with each other and I just struggle doing that. There are times that are better then others when I seem to be doing it well. I just wish I could find people to talk to who understood what I am going through. It's hard to tell my friends my real problems because I don't want to scare them away. If there is anyone in here that is going through the same thing as me let me know and I would love to chat with you.

 

~Amy

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Gees...

 

You sound like me. I have a handful of best friends and the others are just that, "others."

 

I don't mind it, because of the lack of drama that I have to put up with.

 

I was royally screwed by most of my "so-called" friends a long time ago and am somewhat leery of people due to that.

 

A lot of the time "peoples true identies or their true self" comes out and even God would have difficulties dealing with them is what I have learned...

 

I'm not afraid of telling anyone anything. If they have a problem with it then it is truely "their" problem.

 

I would rather listen than speak; that's the way I've always been. Just be yourself and let it flow naturally

 

Try taking a public speaking class???

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Thanks for your advice I did try to take a public speaking class and through the whole thing I was shaking every time I had to give a presentation. It just because I have had soo much problems with my peers and them mistreating me that I get scared saying things because I feel that whatever I say is wrong or taken the wrong way. It hurts especially when the people I feel comfortable with don't want to be with me or feel uncomfortable with me. I tried my hardest to make the best relationship possible.

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I can see how a shy person would have trouble making friends, but once she has them I don't see why she would lose them. You say it might be due to your 'communication'.

 

- is it that you never ask about what's going on in their life

- is it that you have a wall built up

- is it that you don't make the effort to make plans

- is it that you don't have anything to talk about

- is it that you get into fights due to poor communication

 

Can you be more specific why these friendships ended? That might help me understand it a bit more and than maybe I can be more help.

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In order to have interesting conversations sometimes you need to have some information to start it and keep it going.

 

Maybe you need to start expanding your horizons. Is there a course you'd really like to take? Is there a hobby you want to learn? A book you should read? A TV show you enjoy? I think you get the point - basically start making yourself more interesting. Not by changing yourself but by adding more elements to your personality.

 

Start focusing on developing you - it should help conversations flow because you'll have more to talk about.

 

Good luck.

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