Dumped again

[Melanie]

My best friend has dumped me again!

Everytime she gets a boyfriend I dont hear from her AT ALL.

 

When she doesnt have a fella she calls me 3/4 times a day, is around most nights and is closer to me than my sister. As soon as she finds a guy, she doesnt call me, I never never see her and when I call her she is ALWAYS too busy for me. And when she does call me she expects me to DUMP everything and come and see her.

 

Why does she do this? What can I do about this?

[midori]

so that when she calls you next time, you'll do things with her only as much as your already-full life will allow. I agree that it's bad form to allow yourself to be so consumed by a romantic relationship that you completely neglect your friends. But why are you leaving such a large space for her in your life, when you know she's not always going to be around?

[Tony T]

Romance will always have priority over friendships. It's a nature thing...people don't reproduce with friends.

 

Take midori's very excellent advice.

 

One day this friend will get married and have children and mostly hang out with married friends with kids and she will rarely talk to you or have time for you. Your lives will be so different then. Be prepared for that.

 

I don't think this lady was every your best friend. She is a situational friend...and when your situation isn't compatible with hers, she's not much of a friend at all.

 

Get more friends!!!

[HokeyReligions]

Sounds to me like she is just using you to keep her occupied in between fellas. What an ego!

 

Friends are people you can depend on. She can depend on you to be there for her, but you can't depend on her. One sided friendships don't last -- move on and find some real friends.

[Melanie]

I posted here a while ago about my friend who only calls/comes around when she doesnt have a boyfriend......

 

Well she's back..... She came around last night at 11.45pm and dropped off a "christmas present" to me (leaving it at the front door with a note and ringing my doorbell), with a note saying that she is sorry, and that "we" shouldnt let guys get in the way of our relationship - yada, yada, yada.

 

She is the one who has not called me or attempted to contact me in over 6 weeks, just as soon as she got this new boyfriend she dumped me.

 

Anyway on the note it said that I should call her if I want to continue our friendship. I didnt call her today, I was suprised and a bit pissed....I think I do want to be friends with her, but what do you guys recommend I do??

[Tony T]

While it is hurtful to us when someone drops us for a new love interest, it's the nature of the beast. As a male, I can say that women do this far more than men. I would think because it is so often done, it may be instinctual...a primitive thing having to do with preparation for offspring or something...hell, I don't know.

 

I don't blame dogs for barking or cats for meowing....so how can you blame a lady for doing something that so many do?

 

Your best bet with all people is not to expect anything from them. Be a friend for the time they are available and let them go when they must be off to do their own thing. As long as you understand the drill, you can measure the amount of emotion and energy you want to put into something that is temporary in nature.

 

Now, if this lady is using you in other ways, that't your fault. You call the shots there. Only do for her what you want and draw the line. She can't force you to do anything you don't want unless she holds you at gunpoint.

 

As a man, I can tell you that most of my lady friends drop me like a hot potato when they start seeing a guy. If they get married, there is almost no contact whatsoever...and when the kids come I never hear from them again.

 

One lady, who I thought was my dearest "friend" and who I talk to several times daily and see often, has totally brushed me off this holiday season in favor of being with her boyfriend....no contact whatsoever. She'll be back after the first when he has to continue work and school. So I know going in I'm just a friend who fills some time for her and I am prepared.

[Debster]

For someone to be caught up in a new romance. Granted, it sucks that she dumps you when that happens. But are you sure she dumps you or does she just decrease the amount of time she spends/talks with you. A little drop off in contact is normal, but if she NEVER calls/spends time with you than that is pretty bad.

 

However, she is extending the olive branch. I'd give her a chance to make amends to you. Just realize that this might happen again and prepare yourself.