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Should I associate/be friends w/ people who've treated me badly in the past?


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Hey everyone..

 

I'm the kind of person who believes in being able to learn from every situation I'm in. That includes being open [well, somewhat open, still reluctant but still open-minded about] hanging out w/ an old flings/guys who treated me badly n the past. Some of the times when I did hang out w/ them, I was thankful that I did because I was able to keep composed and keep an open mind. I also thought that maybe we were both different at the time so maybe I should give it a go since I'm an optimistic person.

 

I was wondering, when do I know when to really say "no" or just to not talk to certain people. I really try to look for the good in everyone, but I sometimes overlook people's bad qualities when I like them. I'm not at all a push-over (I am very assertive) however, I do have issues when it comes to people accepting me. In the past, I gave up sex waay too easily and these guys took advantage of me and my kindness. Unbeknownst to me, I allowed them to. thinking that maybe after the sexual tension was gone, that they could see the real me. (naieve, yes, very!) I have never really fit in with people though everyone thought that I was apart of the popular crowd. But that's a different issue. I don't want those various guys to think that I'm okay with how they treated me in the past (pretty much like total crap, they used me for sex, etc) but at the same time, because I'm a Senior majoring in Psychology, and I feel that I should be able to handle anything that comes my way. Basically, everything that I go through, I'll learn something from and become a lot stronger from.

 

What do you guys think? When should I draw the line? All suggestions/feedback/criticisms/etc are welcome.

 

Thanks so much in advance!

 

PS. I've learned that I shouldn't give it up so easily and I am now learning to value myself a lot more. I was really looking for love in the wrong places w/ the various guys in my past, but only cause I'm a hopeless romantic and I wanted and still do want some stability in the romance department.

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I've learned the lesson the very hard way, by dating the same girl three times, who dumped me, every time.

 

No - don't associate with anyone who's f*cked you over in the past. They'll come on like they're different, but they always end up being an as$hole in the end.

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bluechocolate

My initial thought is:

 

learning from past mistakes & letting them back into your life are two very different things.

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I've learned the lesson the very hard way, by dating the same girl three times, who dumped me, every time.

 

No - don't associate with anyone who's f*cked you over in the past. They'll come on like they're different, but they always end up being an as$hole in the end.

Have to agree with Kizik. I dated a guy 3 years ago. Or rather he pursued me immediately after I had lost a child and split with my partner. Within the first few months, he wanted to get married and I wasn't ready. For months I agonised that I was hurting him and I put his needs first - in the end I simply explained I wasn't ready. I needed time. The relationship ended and he treated me like dirt for three years afterwards. Then just before Christmas, he got in touch. He suggested dinner and appeared to have lost the 'petulant child' act and was so easy going. Fast forward past a ski-ing head injury (mine) over Christmas and a period of recovery. For some reason he started pulling the distance crap... pile on top of that the passive-aggressive crap that my expectations were out of whack (one text a day was too much..? Hello?) and in the end I realised that he'd never been any different from when I first knew him. What he wanted and his needs, always came first. However, due to my 'unrealistic expectations' he dumped me. This is unrealistic expectations of expecting sex more than once a month, expectations of expecting responses to emails, voicemails, text messages and phonecalls, expectations of spending time together doing enjoyable things, expectations of putting more effort in than him simply wanting to have me around to feed his ego and tell him how wonderful he is.

 

I'd say exes are exes for a reason. If they treat you crappily as a SO, they can certainly treat you crappily as a friend because they don't owe you anything and they don't have any responsibility towards you. You have to look at your motivations - why would you want to be around someone who has treated you crappily..?

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Thank you all for your input! Very good advice. The take away point is that I'm going to leave those losers behind and move on with my life. Like I mentioned in my last post, even though I am a psychology major and I want to learn from how messed up people can be [and also, maybe give that person another chance], it is definitely not worth my time! Screw those guys!

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