Jump to content

New here :( issue with a boy.....


Recommended Posts

Unfortunately i have an issue. I dont understand why it is so stinkin hard to get over some guys... it seems like it takes forever. anyways. i debated whether to put this under friendship or dating and i am putting it under friendship cause i no longer want to date him but i need some support as i really do miss him as a friend.

 

so I met a really nice guy at college. he was finishing second year i was starting first so he helped me with my work and adjusting to the transition..and we studied stuff, and hung out, talked all the time etc. we dont go to school together anymore but he always contacted me and over the year we got closer and started acting more like a couple... so in my frame of mind i was thinking he is gonna ask me out soon, just by the way he treated me so special and talked about relationships and his future.

but all of a sudden it just stops. like out of nowhere.. he was distant the week prior but he had exams so i assumed thats why he wasnt free to talk so much, then over christmas holidays NOTHING, like nothing so i contact him and get no real explaination. so eventually i just got pissed and didnt call for 3 weeks cause i shouldnt be the one chasing him! still nothing. so i text, he text back, over the next few weeks he acts normal in his texting.. so i told him i couldnt stop thinking about him and i get the snottyish egotistical kind of reaction possible! how come that goes to guy's heads so much?? he told me he has no time for anything serious. im not really the type to do the casual fling so after debating I've now decided no contact and it has been a month and a half and ive deleted him from my fone, but it is getting tempting to text to call him again because i really do care about him and his goals. I want to be friends with him, i dont like having to erase people out of my life cause i dont even know how this started anyways.... but past experiences of contacting him just blows his ego up and really hurts me. If i contact him now i know he will automatically assume i want to get together with him still....

ugh :S.

I think the most frustrating part was not knowing why he cut off contact in the first place, and when they dont communicate with you about why there is no real closure to the relationship.

Do I give him more space? how much more space can i possible give someone... How can people just drop u one day without explaination or a goodbye?

Link to post
Share on other sites

What exactly did he say that came across as so snotty? Had you asked him directly why he stopped the contact and if so what was his response?

 

You're right, you shouldn't be the one chasing him and nor should he be the one chasing you. But from the post, it really sounds as if you want him chasing you. You want him to do all the contacting when it reality, it should be 50/50 if it were a real friendship. Sometimes my friends contact me, sometimes I contact them. Sometimes they do more contacting and sometimes I do more contacting. But over a long span of time, I bet it evens out to almost 50/50.

 

Do you expect instant responses to your texts and emails? Are you one to think someone is ignoring you if they don't respond within minutes? In this ultra connected digital age sometimes we forget that people do get busy and maybe, just maybe are not always connected to their phone. When he was talking, how was he on responding? Was he an instant responder?

 

When he talked about his relationships and his future, did they include you? That could give a clue to where he might have saw you in his life.

 

I know I just asked a ton of questions, but it could help lead to the root of this.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

he was just like.. "yeah.. i have that effect on people..".

It felt so much of a lack of recognition of my feelings... :( wasnt expecting a 'yep im so great!' attitude, he's usually pretty sensitive to the needs of others.

 

he responds to texts right away but emails not so quickly. He isnt a big fan of electronic communication.. but when he stopped calling, then after a while i decided to call to see whats up and he missed it and replied with a text after :S thought nothing of it then, but it's like he doesnt want to talk to my face right now for some reason. I did some text message terrorism which probably wasnt to my advantage but that seemed like the way of choice at that momment as he does respond to all texts i send.

 

He's a very dedicated student right now and he's good at it so i support that, but as for what he would say about his future.......he would tell me about what he wants in his married life and how that is his whole reason to be so dedicated to his studies.. how he wants a good job so he can take his wife to this and that place(name the places he wants to go..) and play soccer with his boys and they would have a dream house that he is working his butt off for right now. He didnt particularily say he wants me in his vision of that future, but when i would talk about my ambitions as well he would make comments in agreement like him and his wife would "work equally on their career paths.." and raise children when time permits and yada yada. and when moving into his suite he'd ask my advice on decorating and he spent tons of time on it to make it look nice for when i come over.. and would say "oh you have to come to this (decorating) store with me!" or "we should go here so you can see what i want to buy for the suite!" and so on. and made plans of what we'd do over winter break, but then he never followed through :(

tho one thing that sticks in my mind is that over a couple of weeks near the end of last year he was becoming seemily more and more distant and it made me kind of upset b/c i missed him incredibly. I should have maybe just been happy that he was contacting me at all back then cause i'd be happy with that now, but then on his birthday i was having a really bad day and i never got around to wishing him happy birthday when i talked to him then cause i was feeling so miserable(was living away from home and really homesick then) and that is kind of when i mark it as the top of the peak before it turns into a steep downhill of no contact to confusing texts to now this..

At first i thought maybe i hurt him, but then he told me he really has no time for seeing someone exlusively, but will get together if i want. I just dont get why he spent so much time on me, calling and trying to hang out, and telling me how well we get along... when it appears now im tossed like a fling. I dont want to just "get together" with him... i know what lets "get together" really means and i wont do that if im not being cared about. i guess i just want to know the real reason why he dropped the emotional side to the relationship. Is it too stressful for some guys to get emotionally attached to someone so they bail when it gets too close? i dont know. maybe it was all just lies.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...