Friends with the Ex... Fact or Fiction?

[Katherineos123]

Do you think you can ever TRULY be friends with an ex? Or are there always ulterior motives?

 

Do you think that one party or the another, or both, tend to have unresolved feelings towards the other?

 

What if some time has passed? Months? Years?

 

I understand that these things depend on a plethora of factors, the seriousness of the relationship, the severity of the breakup, etc. But sometimes I wonder if anyone can actually be friends with an ex lover... once you cross that line, can you ever really come back?

[playlislay]

It depends.

 

Im good friends with ALL of my exes-even my ex husband.

I have no quarms about talking to them, I have no alterior motives, and Im sure none of them do either.

 

The only ex I refuse to keep a friendship with is the man that I have/had the deepest feelings for. Its too hard as I just look at him and my heart dies. Part of me feels that if we stay friends we may get back together, but I dont want to put myself through the heartache of trying and getting rejected again.

 

So the answer to your questions is: It depends on the person.

 

Not much help really, lol!

[Ronni_W]

I was able to have genuine friendly feelings towards my ex-husband for a very long time. In turn, he treated me like a friend but I really have no idea if he had genuine feelings underlying his actions.

 

But with some exes, my desire to be friends just wasn't there so I didn't even try. In general, though, I do believe it is possible if both parties really want it; and usually there is a self-interested motive (as with everything else we undertake in life, I think.)

[doushenka]

I'm able to be friends with my exes as long as they know I left for a reason. What's the line? -- "It's called a breakup 'cause it's broken." So the Zen evangelist (!) who decided I was only chickening out of a commitment, because he couldn't possibly be awful in bed and the worst kisser I'd ever met, well, we've been in NC for a year now.

 

I hope I wouldn't be the sort who tries to get a wo/man back. I've never been in that situation. My beloved and I are very much work-it-out people -- yeah, so much for not being able to commit! -- so it has to be an unworkable issue in order for us to break up. Even then, it will probably be mutual.

[surgngnl]

I'm still friends with all 3 of my exes. One was from high school, the other was from senior year of high school until first year of college and the last was the relationship I had for 10 years in my 20s (even now friends with his new girlfriend). All of us are friends, but I must say that it did take a little bit of time from break up til friend zone. As long as you have distance and closure from the relationship, being friends with one another is not an irrational idea. There was a reason why you loved him/them in the first place. That reason doesn't go away even if your desire to be "with them" does.

 

Just my own personal experience...

[phineas]

I am not friends with any ex's.

 

I've had ex's call me up out of the blue asking if I wanted to meet them out & a few times I went,( I believe they were trying to get back together with me)

But listening to them tell me how big a looser the guy they dumped me for turned out to be really just made me loose all respect for them & bailed on them the first chance I got & never looked back.

 

I tried being "just friends" with an ex once (she broke up with me & wanted to be friends) eventually she started cock-blocking me when we hung out & i'd start talking to other women.

She was talking to other men but for some reason she didn't want me to talk to other women.

 

her excuse was "I could do better" my responce was "i'm not doing anyone with her around" & ended our friendship.

 

Since then I have "fallen off the face of the earth" according to ex's when they run into my friends.