Hypocrites !

[squeeaker]

I have a friend who's always very much enjoyed announcing to people that she's an atheist...sometimes going way out of her way to work it into a conversation (not sure why, I think because she likes very much to 'be different'). We post on similar forums. In the past when someone would post that someone in their family was ill or had gone through a tragedy, she'd be there to offer kind words but would never fail to add something to the affect of "I'm atheist so I can't offer you prayers but I will offer you positive thoughts."

 

Within the past year, her father had some very sudden and serious health problems...and understandably, she was beside herself with worry. She posted of his situation. The vast majority of people let her know that they would keep her, her father and her family in their prayers. In truth, she did have many people who cared, who were praying for this situation to turn out positively.

 

As her father's condition began to very much stabilize and he eventually went home from hospital, she thanked everyone for their prayers, even going so far as to letting people know that she'd appreciate if they'd continue to pray for him/the family.....because (as she put it) "they must be working!" Now obviously she knows that these people were not praying to anyone/thing other than God.

 

Since her father's almost fully recovered, she's back to her "I'm proud to be an Atheist stance"....and again, when she encounters someone online who's going through a bad time, she'll offer her support but point out that she can't offer prayers but can offer positive thoughts.

 

Well, Dad is having some problems now.....she's posted about them. The same great folks are concerned and are again, offering their prayers. She's encouraging them to do so, saying "they worked last time!"

 

Isn't this very hypocritical? If I was an Atheist (didn't believe in God), I most certainly wouldn't believe that people praying to God would do any good at all...and I surely wouldn't be encouraging them to pray for me/my situation. What, she believes in prayer when it's convenient but doesn't when it's not?

 

And why does she encourage people to pray for her own situation yet she makes it clear that when others are in tough situations, that because she's atheist and doesn't believe in God/prayer, she can only offer good thoughts, not prayer. Seems highly selfish to me.

 

By the way, she's not some 16 yr old. She's in her late 20's, is very educated and intelligent.

 

Your thoughts?

[midori]

It's been my experience that people who make a fuss about their spiritual (non)beliefs are the people who are the most conflicted about their spirituality. Sometimes provocative statments like that are challenges for someone -- even God -- to prove them wrong.

 

An ex-boyfriend of mine (like your friend, well-educated and old enough to know better) on more than one occasion ranted about how "if there is a God, he's got a lot to answer for." You know, how could God allow all the suffering in the world, etc. This ex had a mentally ill mother who was a real thorn in the family's side and had caused him no small amount of grief over the years. One night, a bit drunk, he started to cry and shout, "if there is a god, why has he let this happen to my mum?" But when sober he would smugly condescend to anyone (including me) who did believe in God. I got the sense that he was a) trying to punish God for failing him & the world, by refusing to acknowlege God, and b) trying to find someone or something that would prove him wrong, something that would explain all of the bad things he found so unbearable.

 

I say this not because I don't believe a person can be a genuine atheist, but because a genuine atheist can't get angry at God. My sister, for example, is actually an atheist. She can respect other people's beliefs, and she rarely speaks about her own. She doesn't need to challenge other people's stances, because she doesn't feel threatened by them being different from her. She doesn't need to have everyone around her subscribe to her way of seeing things.

 

Religious people can be hyporcites too, intolerant of anyone else's beliefs, and careful to emphasize their beliefs when they encounter someone who might think differently. It's a sign of insecurity and/or confusion.

 

While I agree that your friend sounds like a hypocrite, now would not be the time to point this out to her, with her father unwell. If she is insecure in her beliefs, or confused about them, confronting her head on is probably not going to get you very far anyway. Better to be tolerant of her hypocrisy, and realize that we all are quite capable of being silly, pigheaded and perverse. When and if she's ready to she'll confront her own issues about this.

[squeeaker]

thanks for sharing your thoughts. you make a lot of sense.

 

i would never dream of saying anything to her about this, it's simply not my place and in all honesty, it doesn't affect me personally. I really just can't understand people like this. she's a very overly dramatic person who has been found before to tell fibs and overexaggerate the truth so we've sometimes sensed that she beefs up her 'problems' to gain attention. But that's a whole nuther thread lol thanks!

[quankanne]

I think you've hit the hammer squarely on the head, midori. When people are secure in their beliefs (whether they're political, social or religious), they show a "live and let live" attitude, even if those beliefs are diametrically opposed to their own. It's usually the screamers who drive people nuts, you know, the ones who insist on forcing their beliefs on you because they don't like what you believe. I've got a friend who is a self-professed pagan, and while I'm not completely sure how that belief system works, I trust her intentions when she says she prays for me ...

 

Squeeker, your friend sounds like she needs an awful lot of attention, and claiming her "atheistic" belief every chance she can is a good way to get that attention. As for the prayer requests and the responses she gets, well ... just remember that people are happy to help in whatever small way they can.

 

A priest once told me that praying for others is like giving away fists full of honey. You pass it along, but some of it still sticks with you! So I'm sure those believers praying for her dad are also helping themselves when they pray, so they don't mind the requests.

[velvet]

I've thought of myself as being very spiritual and don't particularly like the church. My mother was very spiritual as well and passed it on to me. I felt like I had found God through seeking.

 

Perhaps your friend wants to believe in God but also like myself feels that because there is no proof of him how can it be that people believe theres a man in the sky called The Father. Sounds absurd!

 

I think ones spiritual preferences should be left alone. I also think that everyone questions there beliefs even if not admitted too. Everyone has to find there own path spiritually just like anything else thats a part of life weather it love, money, sanity, freedom.