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how can I get another chance?


JaimeLynn1980

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JaimeLynn1980

Okay. I have a major problem, & it's really bothering me... I have this friend named Sheila, & I've been friends with her for a long time, & even work with her... Well, she's been hanging out with some people (management like her mostly) from work, including this guy that I really like, named Paul... Well, she has invited me out a few times to party with them, & on one instance, Paul & I ended up messing around, & he acted as though he really liked me for a while after that, till the day after I went to the lake over that weekend...

 

Well, the times that I had hung out with them, I have been unbearable to be around when drunk. I have been through a lot emotionally; I know that for that reason, I shouldn't be drinking 'cause it's a downer, so I've been depressive, & extremely obnoxious. Well, the weekend out at the lake, I guess I was hanging all over the guy we work with; Mike, & I was being so obnoxious, & everyone thought so as well... Well, the day after that, Paul stopped talking to me... In a way, I think that it must have gotten back to him that I was hanging on Mike, & he must have thought I just did that to everyone, (Being the weekend before, I was hanging on him) so he doesn't really talk to me that much anymore; or make eye contact, which I find rather strange being he acted like he liked me so much... Sheila told me that Paul thinks I'm hot, just everyone doesn't like the way I am when I've been drinking, but they think I'm really cool when I haven't been...

 

Well, since I utterly embarassed myself out at the lake; Sheila hasn't invited me out to party with Sean, Paul, & everyone; & I ask her what she did that previous night, & she says that she went to bed early; or they weren't going to do anything or whatever. I knew it had to do with me drinking, & how I act; & I find out from a mutual friend, that that is true; that Sheila told her that everyone can't stand to be around me when I've been drinking, but when I'm sober, I'm great to be around... Well, I want a second chance to prove everyone wrong; for I really enjoy partying with these guys, & as long as I stick to beer, I'm fine. I had just been drinking far too much those times; & I embarrassed myself badly. Well, I don't understand why Paul would be acting this way now... You think it's because maybe he thinks I'm a slut due to me hanging on Mike the next weekend? 'Cause the day after that, he stopped talking to me...

 

Well, I want another chance, & I want to talk to Sheila bout this, but I don't know how, & I don't know how to approach the whole Paul-thing either. How can a guy go from acting like they're totally into you, to this? I don't know... I feel left out now, & I want another chance... Can someone tell me what they would do in this situation? Please help! I'll be talking to Sheila about it tomorrow, & I don't know the first thing to say...

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JaimeLynn1980

PS> I'm sure Paul doesn't have a very high opinion of me now; & I want to show him that I am a really great person, & I want a chance with him... What am I to do? Plus, Sheila has always been one of my best friends; but I don't know how to approach this without looking stupid...

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Get the word out that you've stopped drinking (I would lay off the beer too). Perhaps you can work it into conversation with Sheila or she'll hear it through the grapevine. You're just going to have to prove that you've changed. I think you're going to have to hang out with these people a few times on good behavior to change their negative impressions.

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JaimeLynn1980

You think that would explain why Paul is acting the way he is? Hell, he would put in so much effort just to talk to me at work, & tell me hi, & now he can't even look me in the eye... As I said, the weekend after I messed around with him, (That whole week after, he acted totally into me at work) I was hanging all over Mike, being obnoxious, & mike's in management too. Well, Mike & Paul talk, & my work is really laid back;clicky, & the day Tues. after that weekend,Paul couldn't even look me in the eye... (you know how word usually takes a day to get around) think that's due to me hanging on mike? Think that he thinks I just do that to everyone when I'm drunk? How do I rekindle things with him? Ordd I miss my chance?

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Sounds like your last binge included something way more than you acting like drunken sleaze, as if maybe you confronted people or something? I've been around drunks, and for the most part, they get nasty. They say some pretty awful things, become accusatory and are generally unpleasant to be around. And it's hard to take someone seriously when you've exposed to their worst. I'd say that Paul (and Sheila) really got an eyeful -- or ear full -- at that party and are now uncomfortable to be around you, no matter how fun you are when you're sober.

 

Do yourself a favor -- if you want to meet nice, decent guys and keep their attention, clean up your act. Guys like Paul realize that there are many, many other fish in the sea ... especially the kind that know how to act decently in public.

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Also keep in mind that if Shelia is the friend you say she is, why can't you just come to her AS a friend. Talk to her about your concerns about how you acted and about your drinking and tell her you want to stop. And ask her if you can do things that don't include alky. It's going to take time to prove yourself, but if you are sincere, they will all see it, and you'll benefit.

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JaimeLynn1980

Thank you very much for the advice. talked to Sheila today, & I informed her of what I have heard, & she just told me that everyone still likes to hang out with me; but she's just been concerned about me 'cause I've been outrageously emotional about my life lately when I drink, (And it has to do with that; I've never said anything insulting to anyone when I've been drunk; usually have been either really annoying, or really emotional) & she's just concerned; thinking I should lay off the alcohol till I feel I'm more stable. I think I'm going to do this, & I told her this as well. She asked me if I'd be drinking tonight, & I told her no, that I was going to concentrate on my life right now; getting it back in order, in which it is starting to. (I got out of an abusive relationship recently where the guy was extremely emotionally & verbally abusive; & he really messed up my confidence, etc., & it took me a while to get over him, & rebuild my self esteem, & I had been going through a lot of other things in my life) She just appeared concerned. Plus, they really haven't been doing anything; every time they have done something, they have invited me, & some of the times, I hadn't been home; & I had noticed that she had called... I think tha the next time I hang out with everyone, I'll either just sip one beer, or not drink at all... I find it's better that way anyway; well, at least till my life is running a bit more smoothly...

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