ann-onymous Posted July 25, 2002 Share Posted July 25, 2002 hey everybody... you all have been good to me thus far, let's see what you got for me this time! here's the situation: my best friend and i have known eachother since we were in diapers, we grew up together, her family and my family were close, etc. when i turned 10 her family moved 5 hours away. every single summer we spent time together, 2 weeks at her place, 2 at mine... slowly diminishing to 1 week each, 1 week total, a weekend sometimes no summer visit. we were growing up, we had our own lives, our parents couldnt be our taxis forever, right! well we have always made special time for our friendship- she goes to school on the other side of the country from me and we cant afford to visit eachother, but we chat online and email constantly. we have grown to become two very differnt people- we have totally different interests but have always shared common ground- we just click on a subconscious level. we compliment eachother well. anyway, here's what's become of that: this past year has been a rock one for us, if you want to call it that?! we've always just kinda gone with the flow with things, brushing things off along the way and not taking it personally if i didnt have a weekend to spare to see her, or if her one weekend off during the summer just happened to be the weekend i had big plans with other people. lately, though, we've thrown a little attitude into our conversations and it's quite obvious that our friendship is suffering. 2-3 hour long conversations have turned into 5 minutes of small talk... i'd think i'm beyond making small talk with my best friend, right! anyway, i finally got the guts together to confront her (the best way i knew how, i'm a chicken-****) and i wrote her a 3 page letter. i pretty much poured my heart out saying how our friendship is not worth giving up on because we haven't been able to see eachother and we're busy. it's not that easy to throw away a nearly 20 year old friendship just like that. i placed the blame on both of us for the situation we've gotten ourselves into, i tried to be as honest and upfront as possible, and told her she's got a place in my heart that nobody else could fill. i also let her know that things will never be the same the same way they were when we were 14, we're grown up, thing cant be perfect, we're merely human, and we can get through this. we dont have to be the only thing eachother has... and it shouldnt be an all or nothing decision... we can make our friendship work somewhere between practically being sisters, and never speaking again. this was a month ago. she hasnt responded since with a letter, phone call, email or IM (<- our #1 source of communication)... most of you all here seem to be older and more mature and experienced than poor ol' me sittin' over here with measly little problems... maybe you've been through the same thing, maybe you have some advice to offer? bottom line is i'm not throwing our friendship away so easily and i'm waiting for her to step up to the plate and do something. so now that you've read my personal essay, what do you guys have to say? as usual, i appreciate this Link to post Share on other sites
Author ann-onymous Posted July 25, 2002 Author Share Posted July 25, 2002 hi again, just one more thing to add before you respond: i like to focus on the positive, but without the negative, what good would there be to getting advice (too one-sided)... i feel that although our interests may differ, we've always been able to see eye to eye with one another. but since we've gone away to school things have changed. her interests arent like mine at all- i go out with friends, i have a good time, and i do things that my girlfriend may not agree with. on the other hand, she has activities that i may not ENJOY so much, but i understand why she likes them... never have i judged her or criticised her for the things she does and people she likes. i recieve constant negative feelings from her about the choices i've made in what i do in school- i feel that she judges me constantly and she makes no effort to see things from my point of view. i dont know... that was just a random thought i thought i'd throw in sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 25, 2002 Share Posted July 25, 2002 Well, I think you've done all you CAN do. You've put the ball in her court, she has the ball, and if she's not going to play, you can keep your uniform on, for whenever she changes her mind, but I'd just focus on other things. You can't control her actions, and she can't control yours...stay true to yourself, and if she's the friend that you think you have, she'll come around. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 25, 2002 Share Posted July 25, 2002 You can expect a wonderful Christmas present from me if you will use nice paragraphs in your posts. Big blotches of gray type tend to worsen my eyes. If I go blind, I will be of no value here at all. Many kind thanks in advance for breaking up long posts with paragraphs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ann-onymous Posted July 25, 2002 Author Share Posted July 25, 2002 hi ok, i dont expect to have too many more issues to have entries about but if i do, i'd be happy to add paragraph breaks in for you. thanks a bunch for all the help. (ally boo, you too!) Link to post Share on other sites
BeReal Posted July 26, 2002 Share Posted July 26, 2002 It's been a month and she hasn't responded to your letter. Which leads me to believe she is either angry with you or doesn't care anymore. In the meantime you are left wondering instead of being able to move on. Is it unusual for you two to go without talking for this long? Are you sure she received your letter? I grew apart from my childhood friends when I was a teenager. Sometimes I hear information about them and their families and I wonder what it would be like if we had remained close. But I know that we have different priorities and beliefs now. It's hard to let old friends go. They feel like family. Sometimes I think we try to force a friendship, because of our fond memories of the past, when in reality we have become too different to make it work. I'm not advising you to lose all contact with her. Maybe in the future you will have more in common or you will just send Christmas cards once a year. It depends on what she wants also and she isn't talking. I'm sorry I wasn't much help. I'm still figuring this stuff out myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ann-onymous Posted July 26, 2002 Author Share Posted July 26, 2002 it is pretty unusual for her not to respond... more unusual for just not to drop a line. i guess i'd take it more personally if she wrote me back w/a hello how are you type email or something because i want her to confront it too, but right about know i'd like a hello period. and ya, she probably got it, no doubt about it. it is tough letting old friends go, but i will take every measure not to have to this time. thanks for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 26, 2002 Share Posted July 26, 2002 Are you sure that she got the email? I got an email from a childhood friend of mine who I thought was mad at me, and turns out she didn't get my email, told me I was crazy to think that, and figured I just needed space, she was waiting for me to come around. I'm having a great day! Link to post Share on other sites
Elizabeth Posted November 23, 2002 Share Posted November 23, 2002 Sometimes, even the best of friends need to take a little distance. it doesn't mean you've lost her forever. Maybe it's just a new phase in your life and in hers, a phase which implies looser ties between you. Take it easy, don't worry so much. When people care for one another, it does last. Whether they see each other every day or not, whether they answer eamil regularly or not. It's the caring that counts. You friend might need a bit of distance right now. Let her. If you two are really that close, she'll be back. ~ Liz ~ Link to post Share on other sites
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