nana yaw II Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 At my college, there is this guy in our class who doesn't have many, if any, friends. He wanders around campus alone most of the time. Are people who are loners mentally ill? And can a person be happy as a loner? Link to post Share on other sites
rchrd881 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 No, and yes. Recommended reading. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 No, and yes. Recommended reading. What useful stuff did you get out of this book? Link to post Share on other sites
rchrd881 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 More acceptance of my true self. More comfort with my true self. The irony is that as I get older (35), I've become far more social. Especially in the past 3-4 years. It's still good to know that others are out there who were just like me. We just don't see them because, well, not seeing them is precisely how they want it. The book helped to confirm that I wasn't a freak. "Normal" is a spectrum. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I always feel sad when I see someone like that, particularly if it's a child. If it's a child, I try to talk to them but keep a certain physical distance so they're not threatened. I think there are many who have social anxieties. There are also loners who want to be left alone. Link to post Share on other sites
rchrd881 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 The question is which came first: The loner preference or the social anxiety? I suspect that many loners are happy and balanced because they possess a complete self-awareness of their condition and know how to conduct their lives accordingly. In my case, a lack of self-awareness kept pulling me back down into a pit of despair as I tried over and over again to force myself into social situations that just weren't right for me. After I realized my strengths and limitations and fully accepted them as part of my being, I began to grow out of lonerdom almost automatically. The other thing that helps is age. College-age people still treat each other like **** for the most part (relative to people in their 30's). It's hard to gain any traction when your peer group is oblivious to how rude they can be. You also are unlikely to relate to those who are 10-15 years older. So who do you turn to? I'll also comment that loners who really want to socialize but can't figure out to do so will often self-medicate with alcohol. I've spent time around many recovered alcoholics and noted how withdrawn they were. It isn't the alcoholism that withdrew them -- It's their true nature. They were drinking to "correct" it. Link to post Share on other sites
dnm Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 no, they are not abnormal. Some people just prefer to be alone. Link to post Share on other sites
rchrd881 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 One other thing... Many loners are probably harboring some kind of attachment disorder from something that happened (or didn't happen) in early childhood. As for the original poster, I do recommend reading that book. It'll help you to understand that not everyone who keeps to themselves is antisocial. They are more likely to be asocial (there's a difference). Does the kid about whom you're worried harbor some sort of pathology? Yeah, probably. Is he dangerous or malicious? Don't judge the book by its cover. I was that kid once and I would've given up all the gold in heaven if it would've given me a way to convey to the people in my life that I cared about them... Even the ones I hardly knew. Link to post Share on other sites
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