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don't understand

Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 13th May 2002, 1:23 PM   #1
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Unhappy don't understand

I started out falling in love with a man that has no feelings for me now going into our 11th month together.We had sex up until two months ago.But I have no idea why he would stop with out telling me why eventhough I had written a letter to him explaining my feelings and thoughts...But his only comments were not on the issues to have me even more confused despite now being his words platonic friends.

We are roommates,I help him out in everyway for when it comes to financial,cleaning,making sure he eats,sleeps,transportation and other things.But he will not give himself or his heart to me after all I have done for him the past 11 months...

I need advice as to how to handle this situation...


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Old 13th May 2002, 2:22 PM   #2
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Healthy, mature love from another person is not something that is worked for or earned. It is given freely by another because they choose to do so.

You just can't make another person love you by doing things for them. Oh, they may love what you do for them or what you give them, but it will never mean they love you.

The situation you describe does not sound good for you. You are in love with someone who has very plainly told you he has "no feelings" for you and he considers you a "platonic friend". After 11 months of cohabitation, I don't think that will change.

I think you should immediately start looking for another place to live. Find another roommate, whatever it takes...just move. I see no other viable option for you.
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Old 13th May 2002, 2:41 PM   #3
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I second Ed

Every single word Ed wrote above is exactly what I would say to you. I only wish I had Ed around years ago to tell me the same thing. Where were you, Ed? You could have saved me a whole lot of grief.

There is no good point in working your butt off for love...because the harder you work for it, the more it eludes you.

This guy backed off when he found out you had feelings for him. I think he did the honorable and honest thing. He could have led you on and continued to take advantage of you for sex and he didn't. That's a pretty good guy.

Ed's advice about finding another place to live is spot on!!! You are being extremely cruel to yourself by hanging around a guy you really care about who doesn't share those same feelings.
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Old 13th May 2002, 2:57 PM   #4
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Tony, I was there!

Even if you had asked me, it would have been the blind leading the blind .

I'm glad we are now both feeling much better
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Old 13th May 2002, 4:50 PM   #5
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You need to move out!

People don't fall in love with you because of the things you do for them. You need to stop doing all this stuff for this guy because it's not going to get you anywhere! Do some stuff for yourself instead.

It's hard to understand from your post how you ended up in this situation, but from your post it sounds like when you started having feelings for him you KNEW he didn't have reciprocal feelings. Don't do that anymore! (I'm guessing you starting doing all this stuff for him in order to make him love you? Doesn't work, does it?) It sounds like he viewed this as a f***buddy situation, and your letter made him realize that was not the case. I think it very nice of him to cut off sexual contact with you since he didn't feel the same way you did.

Move on. Don't nag him about it. Don't bug him about it. He can't help how he feels. There's likely nothing you can do to change it. Now you need to figure out how to move on. First step is to move out and get away from him. You will only hurt yourself by seeing him on a daily basis.

Good luck!
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Old 13th May 2002, 10:36 PM   #6
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Take It As A Learning Expierence

You wont be able to change his mind. All you can do is ride the rest of your feelings out. Theres no way to go back or make things better. You have to listen to your inner self as it tells you how to heal. If you think you need time away from him, he or you will have to move for a while or even permanent. So the question is now is who goes.

However If you think you can handle living with him and can continue a mutual friendship than yes your stong enough to handle that as well.

I know this is by no means a pleasent expierence. But is only temporary if painful.

Dont bend over for him or wait on him. Hes made his decision so theres no need to do things for him as far as the cooking, cleaning, ect goes. Distance yourself from him, your on your own. So move on to better things and leave him be.
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Old 17th May 2002, 11:12 AM   #7
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Thanks everyone for the great advice.I will take action in regard to my situation.I have all ready started eventhough it will not be easy to move on with my life.....

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