Do flakes forget to return calls, or choose to forget?

[hapajels]

An acquiantence of mine suggested we try out a new restaurant in town. A month later, I call her up on it. No answer...so I leave a voicemail. She returns my call immediately the next morning from work, apologizes for missing my call, says the restaurant is a cool idea and that she'd get back to me the following week.

 

Of course, she never phones. I leave another voicemail 2 weeks later to give her a nudge. Again, no response.

 

Unfortunately I don't know her well enough to feel comfortable calling about it for a third time... which is too bad, because we used to chat for hours on end when she didn't flake out on me.

 

Do flakes honestly forget to return calls, or do they remember but choose not to follow through? I assume the former, because my call was returned right away the first time - so obviously, she's interested in the idea of going out.

 

She was the one who suggested we keep in touch and gave me her number to begin with. I'd call again, but I feel like a desperate idiot. I just hate losing potential friendships, especially when you obviously get along so well with the other person.

[Angel1111]

I have a friend who couldn't actually be described as a flake - but she is when it comes to returning phone calls. We can be talking away on the phone and she'll have to go because of a business call or something and she'll say, "Oh, I have to get this. I'll call you right back." And I know good and well that she won't. At first, I kinda took it personal but she makes a point of letting me know how much she likes me and - at this point in time - we've been friends for over 20 yrs.

 

The thing is, she pisses off a lot of people but once I figured out that she's just one of those people you can't depend on and can't have any expectations of, I stopped worrying about it. When I explained this to someone who was kind of chewing on her about not returning a call, or something like that, my friend just laughed her head off. She said, "You know me too well." And that's why we have remained dear friends - because I know she's not dependable and I'm fine with that. She would be dependable, in truth, if I were in dire straights and needed her - but you know what I mean.

 

I'm assuming you're not trying to date this girl and that you really are just friends with her. If I were you, I'd just drop it and go with someone else. Don't keep calling her and trying to prompt her to 'remember' dinner. Just accept that that's the way she is and move on. Find someone else to go to the restaurant with. She may remember it at some point and call you. All you have to say is, "Well, you never called me back so I went with someone else. But I'll go again if you want to."

[hapajels]

So in other words, your friend was really forgetting to call you back. It wasn't a case of, "I should call so&so back now. Well...it's already been 30 minutes, I won't bother now."

 

As for my case, we're just friends - I don't want more than that.

 

I'm trying to make more friends in general, and feel disappointed that a lot of the time it never works out.