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I Need New Girlfriends


Jilly Bean

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Here's the deal. I moved a few years ago away from my very happy east coast life where I had friends and a great support system.

 

Where I live now, I just haven't made any quality gal pals. Oh, I've had some friends since I moved here. A synopsis:

 

S - was great, at first. Was also from the same college back east, etc. She was single, and always up for a good time and was great fun. The end of the friendship came when I was out with a casual date and she stopped by. She, at one point, asked my DATE to take his c*ck out. How wrong is that? She also was VERY competitive, and would ask guys flat out if they found me hotter or her. Ugh. She got cut.

 

T - married, but would want to go bar hopping and clubbing any night of the week. I was OK with that, until I saw how cruel she was to her hubby. She would tell him all about guys that loved her, would hit on her, etc. Wrong again. Final straw was my b-day party in Vegas which she bowed out of the day prior, because she didn't know one of my other friends that was going, and she had a HUGE drama fit over it. End of her.

 

M - really liked this girl, until I found out how much blow she was doing (the 4AM calls became a clue) and when she started SLEEPING through plans we had. She got cut.

 

V - one of the oddest women I have ever known. She would tell me all about her trials and issues, including being re-involved with her Mexican drug-dealing BF who is not allowed into the US since his deportation and extradition. Regardless, she was reliable, albeit always stand-offish. I hadn't spoken to her in months, since she had some horrible things to say about my relationship with Baller (not about him, but about me and how wrong and effed up I was). Her bday party was this weekend, which is always a very tricked out affair. I blew it off, and told a mutual friend of ours that I hadn't talked to her in months, since she had some crappy things to say to me. Coincidentially, it appears she has deleted me as an IM buddy since I told him this. Guess I got cut. lol

 

And a few others here and there.

 

I am NOT a bar and club person - just not my thing. I prefer to go to dinner, have a few drinks, catch some music or a sporting event...

 

WHERE do I meet decent, quality women? I SO miss my east coast friends. So real and no BS.

 

Any suggestions?

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Check out local charitable groups that do party-like fundraising. About half of my best girlfriends I met that way.

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Check out local charitable groups that do party-like fundraising. About half of my best girlfriends I met that way.

 

Explain further, Star. Do you mean volunteer for a charity? Where did you meet your friends?

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where are you JB? are you in cali? i can't remember...

 

you sound like you enjoy doing things the way i do.

 

i also don't mind just staying in - but i'm not going to go out with peeps i don't enjoy or to a gathering that i don't find interesting.

 

most of my friends are married - so i am usually the single one along when i'm involved - bit i also have a lot of family close by and i spend a fair amount of time doing a variety of things with them.

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Explain further, Star. Do you mean volunteer for a charity? Where did you meet your friends?

 

For example, I'm a member of an organization that raises money (via fancy and not-so-fancy events) and does hands-on activities with underprivileged youth. A very large benefit of being a member is the resulting friendships from working on various committees, etc. The particular group I'm involved with is actually a national organization with local chapters... you join in a manner a lot like a sorority (requirements and initiation), but without the hazing (and I was never a sorority girl, not my thing). Some clubs are co-ed, some are single-gender. Mine just happens to be women's only, but we work closely with the local men's club to help each other out.

 

It's been one of those things where you get out of it what you put into it, and honestly, the friendships I've gained have been the best part. :)

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Sunny - I have a lot of guy friends, and family close by, too, but I just miss having female friends. Most women I meet seem to have some major competitive thing going on, and that doesn't work with me. I've met a lot of really damaged chicks out here, and I have no tolerance for crap people so like you, Id rather be alone. Still, I would like to have some more friends out here!

 

Star - thats a good idea, and I will look into it.

 

Dont you guys feel that the older you get, the harder it is to make quality girlfriends? I remember a friend in LA telling me that years ago, and she was so right.

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Actually, I find it easier as I get older to find QUALITY girlfriends. Might be because of the social circles I run in now compared to when I was a young chicken.

 

When I was younger it was much easier to meet "girlfriends" to party and play with, but I was left with "friends" a lot like those you've ditched.

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Just promise me that if you find your answer... share your wealth ;)

 

Are you saying you need good guy friends, Snap?

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Actually, I find it easier as I get older to find QUALITY girlfriends. Might be because of the social circles I run in now compared to when I was a young chicken.

 

When I was younger it was much easier to meet "girlfriends" to party and play with, but I was left with "friends" a lot like those you've ditched.

 

Hmmm...interesting.

 

The first gal I met at a reunion event. Oddly, I dated her brother the year prior (once). Weird!

 

The second I met online. And the fourth, actually.

 

Third gal I met at a concert.

 

I wasn't sure if it is where I am meeting them or what.

 

Admittedly, I am very intolerant of BS from friends, but...

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Prodigal Princess

How about meeting women through sport? A lot of the women in my office are part of running groups or sporting teams (netball, basketball, football, rowing etc). The teams regularly have social outings as well.

 

I think the main reason women in their 30s get involved in team sports is to keep fit and meet friends, so you'll be in good company. :)

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Jilly, have you tried craig's list? There is a section for platonic friendship seekers...is that your thing?

 

Also, I hear you on the lack of quality friends in a new place. Every time I go away for school, I dread it b/c I have to be away from my friends and do without them for a bit.

 

It sucks.

 

But I'm surprised you're in this situation. You seem so...I dunno...the type that has many friends.

 

Yes, I'm totally making assumptions.

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Prodigal - I love my exercise, just not to do it in a group. I do have a friend I met in yoga class. But, shes on a short leash with her hubby, so I dont see her much. I did join a kickball league when I first got here, but everyone was in their early 20s and just wanted to drink beer during the games. I was like a wet blanket. But, maybe hiking? Thats a nice thing to share with friends.

 

Ocean - two of the listed chicks I met on Craigslist. lol

 

I do have a lot of friends, just not too many where I live right now. Its taken tremendous effort to meet people, and after a while, I kinda lost my social inclinations, and just spent time dating, with family, or traveling. Its just not a balanced enough life, you know?

 

Do you end up making new friends, or do you just not bother?

 

I wish some of you ladies lived near me. Id be friends with any of ya! :)

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Prodigal - I love my exercise, just not to do it in a group. I do have a friend I met in yoga class. But, shes on a short leash with her hubby, so I dont see her much. I did join a kickball league when I first got here, but everyone was in their early 20s and just wanted to drink beer during the games. I was like a wet blanket. But, maybe hiking? Thats a nice thing to share with friends.

 

Ocean - two of the listed chicks I met on Craigslist. lol

 

I do have a lot of friends, just not too many where I live right now. Its taken tremendous effort to meet people, and after a while, I kinda lost my social inclinations, and just spent time dating, with family, or traveling. Its just not a balanced enough life, you know?

 

Do you end up making new friends, or do you just not bother?

 

I wish some of you ladies lived near me. Id be friends with any of ya! :)

 

Not really, no.

 

I find it takes a while to really befriend most women...they are so damn catty and b1tchy at first.

 

I'm on a mission to be more social this year and go out and do all that "fun" stuff.

 

To be honest, I get along better with the guys where I'm at than the girls.

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Not really, no.

 

I find it takes a while to really befriend most women...they are so damn catty and b1tchy at first.

 

I'm on a mission to be more social this year and go out and do all that "fun" stuff.

 

To be honest, I get along better with the guys where I'm at than the girls.

 

I am SO with you on this! I don't get along with most women. My gf's that I have that don't live here are very strong, independent and intelligent women. I miss that! No BS, too.

 

I have a ton of guy friends, also. Just would be nice to have some gf's for a change to go out with...

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I am SO with you on this! I don't get along with most women. My gf's that I have that don't live here are very strong, independent and intelligent women. I miss that! No BS, too.

 

I have a ton of guy friends, also. Just would be nice to have some gf's for a change to go out with...

 

I hate BS. This is precisely why I love my gfs at home. They are catty, b1tchy and everything else under the sun, but they're also true and honest.

 

Grrr...

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Prodigal Princess

Hiking sounds fun... Maybe there are groups that do that in your area? My secretary met her husband that way, actually. :cool:

 

It really does get more difficult as we get older to keep friends. People tend to prioritise their relationships or careers, and when they start families, friendships get put on the backburner. I think this is much more true of women than men. The amount of girlfriends I've had who've gotten married and I never hear from them again... God. I used to be dissapointed when they dissapeared but now I just expect it. These days, my girlfriends are dropping like flies!

 

I havent really put any effort into finding new friends, because (a) I don't have the time; and (b) I'm mostly happy doing my own thing so it doesn't seem worth the effort. My main problem is that none of my girlfriends party anymore but I am still in the scene. So I tend to meet girls while I'm out and we become 'party friends'. These are purely relationships of convenience but I think at this stage my prospects of meeting a BFF are zero.

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And doesn't that suck, PP? That finding a decent BFF is so elusive?

 

I used to have just social friends out here, too. But lately, I am just craving quality over quantity. I don't want to go pick up dudes at a club and get trashed (ok, once in a while - but not every weekend).

 

Maybe I should put more effort into finding a hubby than a gf. Pfft.

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I've realized that there are different categories of friends. Like you, PP, I have friends who I enjoy spending time with but am not that close to. Then there are friends that I've known for years but only see once in a while (and when we do meet, it's like we never parted).

 

Jilly, maybe you should start scoping out seniors homes. ;) That way, you find a man who will want you (now that you are a hag) and you get rich (let's hope).

 

Two birds with one stone.

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I've realized that there are different categories of friends. Like you, PP, I have friends who I enjoy spending time with but am not that close to. Then there are friends that I've known for years but only see once in a while (and when we do meet, it's like we never parted).

 

Jilly, maybe you should start scoping out seniors homes. ;) That way, you find a man who will want you (now that you are a hag) and you get rich (let's hope).

 

Two birds with one stone.

 

Good call. Then again, at 33, Im still too old for one of them. ;)

 

But seriously, I am going to investigate some clubs and social networking.

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I hear you on this one. I gave up a long time ago on ever having quality g/f's. I've never really gotten along with women. The few I've had have been casual friends. Nothing deep.

 

Now, I settle for my on line female friends. Believe it or not, they seem more "real" to me than any g/f's I've had in real life.

 

And yes, I wish some of you lived around here.

 

Good luck, JB!

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I have found it harder not easier to find soul friends as I get older. Part is due to the fact that it seems like I'm busy working 24/7 and the recreating that I do is with my husband. Not highly likely to meet a girlfriend that way. I have a gazillion social or work acquaintances (so much so I really hate to run to the grocery in my yard work clothes as I always see someone) but most of my really good friends have moved away so the friend gap widens.

 

There are good people on the west coast but very likely they are minding their business or family commitments and are not available to be easily met. The suggestion of attending a charitable event is a good one. I went to a fundraiser for a cause that interests me on Saturday morning and talked with a few people there that seemed to be "my sort" but I had very limited time to stay so the connection wasn't really made. Still the prospect is interesting and should I have the time, it's something that I might pursue not only as a worthy cause but a potential source of friends, maybe even the elusive "couple" friends.

 

Best of luck to you.

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Sorry to be off-topic for a minute but vintagecat, you're so right about the "couple friends" thing. We've been married for 13 years and though we do have a couple of couple friends, none that we're both that connected to though. And why is it that if you like one part of the couple, you're not crazy about the other?

 

It amazes me that other couples find couples that they genuinely like being around a lot.

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