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Issues With A Female Friend


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Alright lets see... there is this girl that I've been friends with for about a year. I had a crush on her when I first met her, but she didn't want to date, and my crush quickly dissapeared.

 

Well weve been friends for awhile and I've always had the feeling that she had a crush on me, but never had proof.

 

Well now that I'm broken up with my now ex-girlfriend, she seems to want to hang out all the time and stuff.

 

Well, I always told my friends "I'd **** her but I wouldn't date her." Go on and call me a pig, whatever.

 

Well I hung out with her and one of her friends the other night, and the girl (we'll call her Karen) embarassed me really badly and only reassured the reasons why I didn't want to date her.

 

We got back to Karen's friends apartment (we'll call the friend Kim), and Karen went to use the restroom. I told Kim "See. Thats why I wouldn't date her. I'd **** her, but wouldn't date her. I'm not trying to be mean, but I just don't like her anymore." and Kim told me "yeah, she can be annoying sometimes."

 

Well Karen came back, and I cuddled with her on the couch and we watched a movie. I didn't feel anything. At all.

 

Well fastforward to today.

 

I was telling her (via text message) about this girl I met at work and she said "You should ask her out." and I (just picking at her) say "Your pushing awfully hard for me to ask her out." and she goes "Just boosting your ego." and I said "You jealous?" and she goes "No, just saying. I've got a man anyway." and I said "Really? You dating him?" and she goes "Why, you jealous?" and I said "Maybe."

 

Well she responds with "So u want to do me but not date me u should b jealous u dont even want me." and I said "I see Kim told you what I said. You mad at me?" and she goes "No. You do what u want." and so responded with "You seem mad. Look, I like you as a friend. My goal is NOT to sleep with you - I said I would, but that doesn't mean thats the only reason I'm talking to you." and she says "Ok. Whatever. Sure."

 

Well I said "Ok - honestly, if I wanted nothing but sex from you I wouldn't have talked to you at all while I was dating Jen, and more importantly, I wouldn't be trying to explain myself to you. I would have ignored you after the first text." and she goes "Ok."

 

I continued with "Yes I had a crush on you. A year ago. I didn't want to flat out tell you I wasn't attracted to you anymore because belive it or not, I value our friendship." and she goes "oh wow, I love our friendship too." so I said "If I wanted you for nothing but a **** I would have either done it already or ignored you. If you want someone for sex, you don't keep them around if you can't get it, and I wouldn't be trying to talk to you right now."

 

She simply said "K. Right." then I said "Obviously you don't care. I'm going to bed - I have work. I'm sorry that you don't belive me but I can't sit here all night trying to convince you otherwise."

 

and she responded with "No I do belive u i honestly do believe u. I just dosed off and im sorry but i do believe u u have a good nitesleep ttyl."

 

I relise this is an extremly long post but I'm a little irritated. I do like hanging out with her, and I'm not lying, my goal isn't sex with her - I don't keep her around hoping I'll get laid, I just simply said that I'd do it.

 

So I wonder - did I handle that alright, and does she really believe me? I dont want to lose her as a friend because shes great in small doses.

 

I'm sure most of you people will think of me as a pig, and I don't care because I know that I'm not, and thats all that matters to me. Now if on the other hand, I was hanging out with her with the sole goal being getting some, yeah, I'd be a pig, but thats not the case at all.

 

Well anyway. My sleepy rant. I'm going to bed.

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I hate to say it, but... reading that post... I don't believe you. :) It might not be wise or appropriate for me to read so much into it (and please forgive me for being presumptuous), but I think you still have a thing for her, but don't like her behavior. I'm not sure how old you are, but you'd never catch me saying anything like that about a friend, and especially not to one of his friends. It's like you're wanting to get the word out about her behavior... because of your interest and disappointment.

 

You seem like you're pouting. :)

 

And if you said something like that about me behind my back, I would think you're an ass. So, what's the reason for your emotional response to her behavior? I believe you when you say that you're not just after sex. But I don't believe you when you say you only like her as a friend. I think you two being friends is the only sensible option to you, considering her behavior, but I don't think your romantic feelings are gone... at all.

 

Have you ever tried telling her WHY you lost interest?

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I really don't feel anything when I'm around her. I just hate losing friends.

 

And no, I havn't tried telling her why I lost interest because I can't think of a way of putting it without sounding like an *******.

 

When I first met her she was kinda quiet and she was really cool, but it seems that shes gotten kinda wild and (as mean as this sounds) shes not too bright.

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Well I texted her today asking her if were cool, and she said "yeah, were good." so I guess shes not upset.

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she should try journalling and maybe even seeing a counsellor. those both helped me with my similar problems. you could also talk to her and try to reinforce the fact that none of those things REALLY matter.

 

be careful, it's girls like this that can really start to hurt themselves. she might hate herself more than she even realizes.

 

and if you've known her since she was a kid, it's important for you to be a positive constant force in her life-- don't move away even if you are irritated. stand by her and let her know that you always love her even if she pisses you off. when she talks about that stuff, stop her and tell her it's not a big deal and to try not to think that way.

 

it's very dangerous, she could even become anorexic. good luck to you, you're a good friend.

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Sometimes you have to sound like one of those in order to get your point across or to produce change. Besides, you weren't too worried about what you would sound like when you said you'd f*** her but didn't want to be with her. (That's pretty crude! And not said for her benefit either.)

 

In any event, I'm glad that she's not mad at you. :) Best wishes!

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