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Was I Co*k Blocked?


Jilly Bean

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Was out tonight bar hopping with a new friend. She's been my Mom's hair dresser for years, and I just started going to her, too. Tonight was the second time we had gone out. Mom had been trying to fix us up as friends for YEARS, and I was reluctant. Anyhow...

 

So, we were at a bar. There was this hottie sitting at the bar, and I siddled up and was getting my flirt on with him. We had a great banter going on, and I was sensing a mutual vibe.

 

After a few minutes, my gf entered the convo. So, he turned around so as to include her in the conversation (would have been rude otherwise). At this point, the banter changed, since obviously her arrival altered the dynamic and things were toned WAY down and dulled. I was PISSED, as I was really getting my groove on with him, and he was totally my type. I felt I was being totally co*k blocked. I bowed out of the conversation, and left them to talk. To me, if one of my gf's is talking up a guy in a bar, I SPLIT. I don't hang around for a three-way conversation. But, that's my code that I have always had with my gf's.

 

Was gone for about 20 minutes. Two of them were still talking, so I figured, hey, maybe they are hitting it off, and I should just bolt. (There was NO ONE else in the bar I wanted to talk with, as I had done two parade walks - lol). So, I went back and asked if she was cool if I left and if he could take her home. She said, no way! dont leave me! And I said it was totally fine if she was vibing on him - do your thing, and Ill catch you later. I told her I wouldn't leave, but was going to get some air.

 

I went to the parking lot, texting a friend (bitching about her, of coursse - and he was telling me to just leave her - lol) and hanging out. She came out, all tweaked as she thought I was leaving. She said it was awkward that I left them alone (wtf!) and that she had NO interest in him whatsoever. (So, Im thinking if that was true, then why hang with him all that time while I was gone? I know if Im stuck with a guy Im not into, I make an excuse and split) Anyhow, I told her I thought they were vibing on each other, and I didn't want to co*k block her, and get in her way, since he was adorable and fun and that she should go for it. She said she was only having a conversation with him, and nothing more, and that there was NO attraction. Pfft. So, I said, ok, sorry if I misread it. Let's go back in and Ill buy you a drink. She said, in there? no way, let's just go home.

 

So, we drove home in total silence.

 

Was I co*k blocked, or was all the silver patron in me acting up? lol (Admittedly, Im still pretty buzzed...) I will also add that although I will have drama in my relationships, I NEVER argue or fight with my friends. I just won't tolerate it. AND, I also don't hang around my gf's when they are talking with a guy in a bar if I sense any chemistry between them. I know I'm WAY too much of a flirt, and it's hard for me to have a conversation with a guy that doesn't come off as flirty - lol, so I always leave them to get their thing on. If she's not interested, then she leaves and we reconnect.

 

WTF???

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Lookingforward

Trust your instincts I say

 

Sure sounds like it to me...as you say, why stay talking to him if she wasn't?

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To me, if one of my gf's is talking up a guy in a bar, I SPLIT. I don't hang around for a three-way conversation. But, that's my code that I have always had with my gf's.
Why didn't you inform her of this policy when you had the chance? I am sure a bit of clear communication would have gone a long way toward eliminating any future miscues.
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Trust your instincts I say

 

Sure sounds like it to me...as you say, why stay talking to him if she wasn't?

 

Exactly my point. If I'm stuck talking to a guy I'm not into, I just make up some excuse to leave (like she could have said I want to go find my friend!). She stayed talking with him the whole time I was gone. Pfft.

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Why didn't you inform her of this policy when you had the chance? I am sure a bit of clear communication would have gone a long way toward eliminating any future miscues.

 

Policy? lol. I think there are certain implied behaviors of friendship that go without mention. ie. don't screw my boyfriend, etc. Somethings are just a given, no?

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Trialbyfire

Does your g/f normally display competitive behaviour? If not, she might have been in her own way, trying to keep him warm for you.

 

Also, shouldn't you be questioning the behaviour of the guy, more than your g/f? If his interest can be influenced, is he worth the hit to your friendship?

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Hey,

 

Seems like she was clueless.

 

Just tell her, next time, if I'm talking to a guy, just beat it.

 

Don't come around and try to make a three way talk crap.

 

And if she doesn't get it just don't go out with her again.

 

(I've never had a friend butt in when I'm talking to some guy in a club.)

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Does your g/f normally display competitive behaviour? If not, she might have been in her own way, trying to keep him warm for you.

 

Also, shouldn't you be questioning the behaviour of the guy, more than your g/f? If his interest can be influenced, is he worth the hit to your friendship?

 

This is only the second time we had been out together, so I don't have much basis for how she behaves around men.

 

I wouldn't say his interest was influenced. She joined the conversation and started talking to HIM, so I think it would have been exceptionally rude if he kept his back to her. Which it was, the whole time he and I were talking (picture him sitting at the bar, and I just wormed in next to him to buy drinks. She was standing behind him). So, I don't see how he did anything wrong here.

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Hey,

 

Seems like she was clueless.

 

Just tell her, next time, if I'm talking to a guy, just beat it.

 

Don't come around and try to make a three way talk crap.

 

And if she doesn't get it just don't go out with her again.

 

(I've never had a friend butt in when I'm talking to some guy in a club.)

 

Hard to tell, A. I do know she is pretty damn desperate to find a guy, and earlier in the night, she was telling me how she's pissed at a friend since she's gotten a new guy and never has time to go out with her anymore. Sooo....

 

I've never had a friend butt in when I'm (obviously) trying to pick up a guy, and we are mutually flirting. That's why I just walked off - I won't play that competition game, you know?

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Trialbyfire
This is only the second time we had been out together, so I don't have much basis for how she behaves around men.
Understood. Then why not talk to her about it? Tell her how it made you feel.

 

I wouldn't say his interest was influenced. She joined the conversation and started talking to HIM, so I think it would have been exceptionally rude if he kept his back to her. Which it was, the whole time he and I were talking (picture him sitting at the bar, and I just wormed in next to him to buy drinks. She was standing behind him). So, I don't see how he did anything wrong here.

How did she manage to take over the conversation to the point where you got pissed off and bowed out?

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Hard to tell, A. I do know she is pretty damn desperate to find a guy, and earlier in the night, she was telling me how she's pissed at a friend since she's gotten a new guy and never has time to go out with her anymore. Sooo....

 

I've never had a friend butt in when I'm (obviously) trying to pick up a guy, and we are mutually flirting. That's why I just walked off - I won't play that competition game, you know?

 

Yeah,

 

That sucked. She should have followed you and left the guy.

 

But my take is that she was pretty clueless, especially since she said the didn't like him and sort of spazzed out to the parking lot and didn't know why you left.

 

Just explain to her.

 

Look, if I'm talking to some guy that means I like him, go find yourself some other guy, I'm not looking for friends here etc.

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It's hard to tell from what you've posted, JB. Was she being flirty with him, or literally just making conversation with the guy?

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How did she manage to take over the conversation to the point where you got pissed off and bowed out?

 

It wasn't a matter of how MUCH she was talking or took over the conversation. It was more the point that she did it at all. It's like breaking chick code, in my book.

 

If I see a friend is chatting up some guy, I hang to the side, until I find someone of interest, OR, I walk around the bar on my own a few times.

 

I still feel if she wasn't interested, then why stay talking with him for 20 minutes while I was "giving her space"?

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Yeah,

 

That sucked. She should have followed you and left the guy.

 

But my take is that she was pretty clueless, especially since she said the didn't like him and sort of spazzed out to the parking lot and didn't know why you left.

 

Just explain to her.

 

Look, if I'm talking to some guy that means I like him, go find yourself some other guy, I'm not looking for friends here etc.

 

Isn't this an obvious thing, though? Don't we all know this? She's 40, for Pete's sake! lol

 

When I said I was walking away the first time, if she wasn't interested, she should have said, "no, wait! I'll come with you!" To tell me later there was no attraction and she wasn't interested was more of a slap to me.

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Trialbyfire
It wasn't a matter of how MUCH she was talking or took over the conversation. It was more the point that she did it at all. It's like breaking chick code, in my book.

 

If I see a friend is chatting up some guy, I hang to the side, until I find someone of interest, OR, I walk around the bar on my own a few times.

 

I still feel if she wasn't interested, then why stay talking with him for 20 minutes while I was "giving her space"?

Chick code isn't always intuitive for everyone. She might have been uncomfortable standing by herself, therefore, latched onto you, then this guy, when you headed for the bathroom.

 

When you didn't return, why didn't this guy come looking for you?

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It's hard to tell from what you've posted, JB. Was she being flirty with him, or literally just making conversation with the guy?

 

Well, honestly, I had three shots by this point in the evening - lol, so I can't say she was being overtly flirty, but then again, I've never seen her be flirty with guys. It's not how she operates, you know? I am overly flirtatious, so everyone thinks I'm coming on to them - lol. She's kind of the opposite, from what I've seen.

 

But still, why try to make conversation with the ONE guy out of 300 that I was trying to pick up?

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When you didn't return, why didn't this guy come looking for you?

 

I am more than sure that when I left, he took that as a sign of serious disinterest on my part, as then I went to stroll the bar. Or, that I was trying to get them together by leaving them alone. Doesn't exactly scream to a guy, "I'm interested! Come follow me!" does it? ;)

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Trialbyfire
I am more than sure that when I left, he took that as a sign of serious disinterest on my part, as then I went to stroll the bar. Or, that I was trying to get them together by leaving them alone. Doesn't exactly scream to a guy, "I'm interested! Come follow me!" does it? ;)

Are you certain it didn't scream the same to your friend? :p

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Are you certain it didn't scream the same to your friend? :p

 

Um, remember, I left AFTER she intruded on us. To that point, it was pretty clear we were fllirting and vibing on each other. We both had our backs to her as we were chatting... I can't imagine ANYONE wouldn't read that correctly, Trial.

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Trialbyfire
Um, remember, I left AFTER she intruded on us. To that point, it was pretty clear we were fllirting and vibing on each other. We both had our backs to her as we were chatting... I can't imagine ANYONE wouldn't read that correctly, Trial.

So you have issues with her even "intruding", right out the gate!

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Isn't this an obvious thing, though? Don't we all know this? She's 40, for Pete's sake! lol

 

When I said I was walking away the first time, if she wasn't interested, she should have said, "no, wait! I'll come with you!" To tell me later there was no attraction and she wasn't interested was more of a slap to me.

 

Well, but if you said she was a hair dresser, you know how they are.

 

They make friends with everybody and are very social.

 

She probably thought that you were trying to make "new friends" and being social who knows.

 

I know from what I've read here that you are a very sexual person, and when you hit on some guy you mean business.

 

But many girls are not like that.

 

Maybe she thought you just went to the bathroom and would be right back or something and she was trying to be polite to the guy.

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Well, honestly, I had three shots by this point in the evening - lol, so I can't say she was being overtly flirty, but then again, I've never seen her be flirty with guys. It's not how she operates, you know? I am overly flirtatious, so everyone thinks I'm coming on to them - lol. She's kind of the opposite, from what I've seen.

 

But still, why try to make conversation with the ONE guy out of 300 that I was trying to pick up?

 

From what you've posted (based on what little you remember thanks to the silver! ;)), she sounds more socially inept than a c*ck blocker. Perhaps that's why you weren't interested in being friends with her to begin with?

 

I am more than sure that when I left, he took that as a sign of serious disinterest on my part, as then I went to stroll the bar. Or, that I was trying to get them together by leaving them alone. Doesn't exactly scream to a guy, "I'm interested! Come follow me!" does it? ;)

 

I would have tried to catch his eye when she wasn't looking and done a little nod towards her with a facial expression to denote that I wasn't happy she intruded, and see his response. If he didn't pick up what I was putting down, I would have walked.

 

She's not cuter than you, is she JB?

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It wasn't a matter of how MUCH she was talking or took over the conversation. It was more the point that she did it at all. It's like breaking chick code, in my book.

 

If I see a friend is chatting up some guy, I hang to the side, until I find someone of interest, OR, I walk around the bar on my own a few times.

 

I still feel if she wasn't interested, then why stay talking with him for 20 minutes while I was "giving her space"?

 

I guess it's pointless to ask why on earth you would be approaching guys like that in the first place. It seems overly aggressive and, besides, you had a friend with you that you desserted. But maybe that's just me. I've never had a friend do that to me. Why do you even bring anyone with you if you're just going to go up and down the bar hitting on guys? BTW, this guy probably wasn't into either of you since he didn't make the effort to approach in the first place.

 

I'm guessing that your friend felt left out and thought it would be ok to join the conversation. And then I think she was horrified that you put her in the position to be taken home by a perfect stranger. That would've pissed me off immensely. I think things that you might think of as 'chick code' isn't clear to her, or to a lot of women for that matter. I would just talk to her about it because based on the silence between the two of you on the way home, I doubt she plans to go out with you again.

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Trialbyfire

Seriously, a discussion and ground rules laid out, might be a good idea for the next time the two of you go out together.

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