mariposa89 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Hey everyone! okay so I have I problem, one of my best friends that I have known for 7 years is all of the sudden buddy buddy with my recent ex bf. I introduced them to eachother when me and my bf were going out, since she is a best firend I wanted her to get along with my bf who I love and still love very much. They did get along with eachother she even told me that "she loved him" (for me) and that "he is so cute" I didnt pay much attention to her comments as I just took them as compliments. He told me that she was "cool but could get annoying" plus at the time she was dating someone (she's single now) Anyways a month ago we broke up and two weeks later she tells me that he called her and that he brought me up and he told her that i'm a good person and that he still cares about me etc. she told me that she didnt continue the conversation about me because she didnt want to make it akward for him to talk about me. I'm confused because she didnt even put in a good word about me or anything! But the ways she talks about him makes it seem that she does like him, she tells him that he's such a great guy and that she hopes the best for him and that he has qualities that she would like in a bf and all these great things to him that make him feel good about himself. So I told her that if she was to ever go out with him that I would find it hard to accept it and it would be hard for me to be her friend. She told me I was "selfish" and that she didnt care if I want out with any of her exs boyfriends. (I wouldnt cuz thats just wierd and its like an unspoken girl rule "u dont date eachothers ex's!') So I went on vacation and didnt speak to any of them. Then Sunday I was on myspace and I saw that where I used to be on his top (#4) she is now there and I'm no longer on his top! I was so crushed and confused because we had decided to be cool with eachother, so I called her up and asked her if she liked him she said "no" just as a friend. she says she's not interesting in dating anyone because shes going 6 hours away to college. she says that they only talk on the phone and that he's not interesting in anyone either, he's also going 11 hours aways to college. she was upset that I asked her that and she says that their just friends and that I have nothing to worry about... I dunno, I want to believe my friend but its hard cuz she's such as flirt and she's obviously giving my ex alot of attention( even if all they do is talk) I feel hurt and unsure of what to do or what to believe, Any advice??? Link to post Share on other sites
MissJ Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 I totally think you are in the right! I am pretty much going through the same thing. My X and I have been seperated for 2 years now. we were together for 12. and our friends my friend and his friend.. have been together just as long. Now they broke up... FOR THE MILLIONTH time, and shes been telling me that they have been talking. How my X is so sweet, and is just talking to her cause hes conserned. I beleive 100% that there are just FRIEND RULES. and you dont cross them. X Boyfriends, in my oppinions are now off limits to all our friends. If they are good friends anyway. My friend for instance the harsh reality is that I think i may be seeing what she is really about. HE told me they hung out the other night. When she was confronted she said she didnt want me to think anything of it and upset me so she didnt tell me. LIARS! You need to watch out. Its hurtful. VERY hurtful and I think you have every right to not want her to be with him. Why cant they both find people that you dont know! Especially with you still having feelings there which you probably may always have! If she was a good friend, she wouldnt even go there. and to say your selfish... thats just stupid. Its a harsh reality that even im learning right now.. but sometimes, those that you think are your friends... dont care about your feelings.. they are only looking out for #1..themselves! Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 I think the last poster has it correct, they're both in it, both justifying it, neither give a cr@p about you because they're both selfish and they both want what they want. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 This girl isn't a good friend. I'd go nuts if my so called best friend started hanging out and corresponding with my ex. It shouldn't even be something you have to explain to her- it's just inappropriate. I wouldn't even date a guy if one of my friend's had a crush on him. I would be "breaking up" with her too! She sounds way too eager to betray your friendship. Your friends should be there to support you during a break up- not your ex. You're not in the wrong here- wow, I'd be really upset. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 There was another thread regarding friends who 'just met' a guy where I said I thought it was fine that one friend didn't 'step back' just because her friend 'liked him'. It's a whole different story when it's an ex from a LTR and the friend is your best friend. There is too much chance that you have told your bff things that she is using to her advantage to snare your ex...... In this case she's not really a friend imo and I don't blame you for being deeply hurt by the actions of both of them. Can you try taking her aside and having a word with her? Maybe she's really really dense and doesn't realise how much this can hurt you ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mariposa89 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 [quote I beleive 100% that there are just FRIEND RULES. and you dont cross them. X Boyfriends, in my oppinions are now off limits to all our friends. If they are good friends anyway. My friend for instance the harsh reality is that I think i may be seeing what she is really about. HE told me they hung out the other night. When she was confronted she said she didnt want me to think anything of it and upset me so she didnt tell me. LIARS! quote hey thanks for the respond. At first I felt so bad because I offended my friend by not believing in her, but now it's like I don't even care anymore because I've been trying to reach out her, I even wrote her a letter saying I was sorry for thinking wrong of her and that I would pick her over any guy anyday. You think she responded or has called me back?! no. The only thing she seems to care about is leaving this fall to pittsburg for college (which is about 6 hours) any who know what i'm kinnda glad shes gonna be away because i have tried to move from all this and she does not even seem to care. since I've wrote this she hasnt called me and when I try to call her she never picks up so I'm done trying to be the one to save the friendship. As for my X he called me today wondering how I was etc. and asking if it was still okay with me if he want to my churchs picnic in 2 weeks. I was just like "whatever, if you wanna go..go." She's gonna be there too so I'll see how they act. I hope that next time ur friend has the balls to tell you herself if shes hanging out w/ ur X..cuz if it was innocent than why wouldnt she mention it? My friend was like that too she would tell me that everytime he would bring me up she would cut the convo short cuz she didnt want to make thinks akward for him?! C'mon girl he's the one bringing me up why should it be akward! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mariposa89 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 [quoteYour friends should be there to support you during a break up- not your ex. You're not in the wrong here- wow, I'd be really upset. Thanks for the support, she made me feel like bad guy cuz I accused her of being a bad friend but I felt like she was picking him over me! Imean she calls him "her friend' and that i cantmake her choose between me or him and that she's gonna stay neutral..what the heck??? I'm glad i'm not wrong for feeling this way. Link to post Share on other sites
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