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Not sure if my friend took advantage of me


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I am planning a trip with a friend of mine - we each bought our own airline tickets even though she was hinting for me to pay for hers. I am taking care of the hotel accommodations which come to $500/night for 3 nights. She asked if her significantly younger sister fresh out of school come along and I reluctantly said ok.

 

She said the sister was going to ask their parents for money first and today she said she's getting the money so she can go after all. We went back to my place and she asked for us to look at airline flights on my computer, so I did. She'd be flying from another city so once I found a flight that arrived close to our time etc I asked if she was going to call her to purchase it. She said I had offered to pay it!

 

I was shocked and said I don't remember ever saying that, that didn't she say she was waiting on her parents to get money for it. She said that was only for spending money. She didn't say forget about it after seeing I had no recollection of offering to pay, instead sat back while I took out my credit card unhappily and paid several hundred dollars for a ticket for someone I have only met once, who I have nothing in common with. I have money but I don't like people to use me and now I am so not looking forward to the trip one bit.

 

I'm shocked at how some people can be. After paying for it, I was in a bad mood and she asked if something was wrong like she had no idea it bothered me to be pressured to pay. I wish I had spoken up and said no to it, now I am really really really feeling fed up and upset. I really feel like flaking but have already placed a deposit on the hotel room and I bet they would just decide to go without me! Do I continue being upset or act like everything is just dandy?

 

I was planning on treating my friend to nice restaurants, theatre etc. but I am totally not going to do that anymore - not only because I don't want to treat her anymore but I'd have to pay for an additional person she's bringing along, probably seeing me as a money bag now that I think about it. I'm so pissed off at myself for being so whimpy and allowing this to happen. How can I feel better about it?? We did drink the other night when she's saying I had offered to pay for her sister, so if I did say it, should I just suck it up as a lesson learned or do I have a right to be upset since I told her I didn't remember saying it? I'm totally confused and upset.

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I'd say your friend is taking advantage of you... for sure.

But I wonder why you felt you couldn't say no???

 

You can cancel that ticket you know- it isn't written in stone.

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I say get out of the trip altogether. Cancel the whole trip.

 

I would second that your friend is treating you like moneybags.

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I'd say your friend is taking advantage of you... for sure.

But I wonder why you felt you couldn't say no???

 

You can cancel that ticket you know- it isn't written in stone.

 

I felt I couldn't say no because what if I really did offer to pay for it and because I had been drinking, didn't remember? I'm not one to not keep her word, but she didn't even say thank you, just made me feel guilty for being upset. How can I cancel an airline ticket? Do they really refund it? And if I canceled it, it would probably ruin our friendship, like I am backing out of my promise. I'm just really not in the mood to go anymore. I'd rather go on my own but my friend has purchased a ticket too. I don't know what to do.

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Tell you friend that you're meeting D-lish and me! :lmao::lmao:

 

Wait that would cause problems.

 

Anyway, yeah it may ruin the friendship but what kind of friend would she if the money was to dry up?

 

Money can buy lots of friends but good friends and true friends will stick around even w/o the money.

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Lol... Jer, you're funny.

 

Yes- you can get a refund on the ticket.

i cancelled a trip before and got everything back except $40 for a handling fee.

 

So what if you did say so when you are drunk- expecting you to foot the bill for $700 for a plane ticket is a ridiculous thing to ask of a friend. It's asking way too much in my opinion.

 

I'd talk to your friend and tell her this is tapping you out and that you really can't afford it. What kind of friend asks you to pay for their hotel room and their sister's ticket???

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I'd talk to your friend and tell her this is tapping you out and that you really can't afford it. What kind of friend asks you to pay for their hotel room and their sister's ticket???

 

You're right - maybe I should speak out and say I can't afford it after all, that now I don't have spending money for the trip? But then she knows I do have money. Should I say it feels wrong to make me do something that I said while intoxicated and I feel like the fact she didn't care after I said I don't remember - that's what's really ticking me off.

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Well, regardless of whether or not you have the money isn't relevant. Just because you do have it doesn't mean your friends that don't have the right to take advantage of you!

 

I would talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel.

Tell her that paying for her sister is going to tap you out. Not that you should have to explain anything at all.... it's your money!

 

I'd be pretty pissed at my friend if she made me feel guilty for not paying for her sister to come on the trip- i think that's a pretty ballsy thing to ask of someone.

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Hi Fun2BMe,

 

Try to make the best out of this now. The deed is done and backing out will only damage your friendship further.

 

Your friendship has taken a deep hit. You have been used and it doesn't feel good -- not at all.

 

Be sure to hit all the restaurants, theatres and other attractions even if you go alone. You will still enjoy the experience. Do not under any circumstance pay for anything else for either of them. Common courtesy dictates that, since you have footed the major costs, the others should jump at any opportunity to treat you during your travels.

 

So concentrate on having fun yourself. If they others can join you, great; if not, that is OK too.

 

Enjoy your trip and chalk up recent events to new learning experiences.

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Your upset b/c your being used and you know it. Your trying to give her the benefit of the doubt b/c you don't want to believe your friend would just use you. Ask yourself if you would ask this of a friend even if you knew they could afford it?

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You are being used. Why did you end up paying for the hotel in the first place? Is there a special occasion?

 

It sounds very much as if they knew you would not stand up for yourself, so they took advantage of it and made you pay even more. It is completely unfair to have you pay for someone you don't even know well. If I were a friend of yours, I'd never ask for a third person to come along AND then have you pay for them. No way, I'd make sure it doesn't end up costing you more.

 

Neither of them are your friends, they are taking advantage of you.

 

My advice: cancel the flights, cancel the hotel, tell them you're busy. Cool down, and then talk to your friend again about it. If she doesn't end up giving you excellent reasons, cut her out.

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Yeah, the fact that it's bothering me this much is not right. I can't even sleep. I'm thinking of saying the hotel room was never reserved, that they messed up and now have no room available so I've decided not to go after all, then I'll get out of it that way without making a scene of the situation, and let them read into it further if they want to.

 

I really can't go through with this, I have never asked anyone for anything before even when I was struggling back in the day, and here I am footing practically a stranger's bill on a trip for adults who afford these things. No, I hate ungrateful people who smooch, I am so disappointed, I thought she was a good friend but this is too much to take.

 

The sister did email me saying how happy she is I am doing this for her and so on, but she obviously got my email address from her sister - my friend - who prob. told her to send me the email seeing I was upset. It's all f-d up.

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Why not tell them that you don't want to go anymore, because you feel they are taking advantage of you? Why hide behinde a lie?

 

If you tell the truth you set boundaries, if you lie they will do it again.

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curiousnycgirl
You're right - maybe I should speak out and say I can't afford it after all, that now I don't have spending money for the trip? But then she knows I do have money. Should I say it feels wrong to make me do something that I said while intoxicated and I feel like the fact she didn't care after I said I don't remember - that's what's really ticking me off.

 

I don't care if you have a trust fund income of $10 million a year - you can still say you don't have the money! You can say that you had budgeted $X for this trip - and since her sister's ticket was more than $X, you no longer had the funds set aside for the rest of the trip. She has no right to count your money, and/or decide how it is going to be spent!

 

I do not understand how anyone can have the gall to do this?! Are you dating this woman? Living together? She is totally using you. With friends like that, you don't need enemies.

 

Personally I think you need to find the courage to tell her the truth - that you feel used, but if you can't saying you don't have the funds, or just didn't intend to spend that much on this trip is fine. Whatever you do I suggest you put your foot down.

 

Good luck

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You're right - maybe I should speak out and say I can't afford it after all, that now I don't have spending money for the trip? But then she knows I do have money. Should I say it feels wrong to make me do something that I said while intoxicated and I feel like the fact she didn't care after I said I don't remember - that's what's really ticking me off.

 

I wouldn't lie about the hotel canceling or whatever. I would just keep it simple as saying somethings come up and requires attention.

 

It takes money to make money and just because you have it doesn't mean she can spend it for you. People with money control their money wisely and that is how get to keep it.

 

I'll just cancel everything, then call her saying you'll have to back out due to financial issues.

 

Forgetting a transaction and being intoxicated is hogwash. Even when I'm intoxicated to the point of comatose, when one asks about money; I wake up!

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ok, wish me luck!!! First right now I'm going to look into the refund options if any for the ticket I bought for her sister. I feel bad doing this but will feel worse if I don't.

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blind_otter

Good luck, F2BMe. I hope things work out. Yes, they were using you and you have every right to cancel the ticket - it's your money after all, and they totally manipulated you into paying for something you really had no obligation to pay for.

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Good luck, F2BMe. I hope things work out. Yes, they were using you and you have every right to cancel the ticket - it's your money after all, and they totally manipulated you into paying for something you really had no obligation to pay for.

 

My heart sinks reading this but I guess it's true if I bothered posting about it. I found out $130 of it goes to fees and is not refundable, and this is what the sister emailed me so I am feeling guilty doing it:

 

I want to thank you SO MUCH for this trip to "xyz"! I have never been and was secretly jealous when (her sister) told me that you were both planning on visiting. This is such a great opportunity and I'm so psyched for it! I'm flattered that you even considered inviting me along (her sister did except if I really did while intoxicated)! I am super excited to experience "xyz" with you and (her sister)!

 

Thank you again... words cannot express how much this means to me!

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If it means SOO much to her, how come the sister isn't the one treating her?

 

Why should you be the one to feel guilty Fun? THEY should be, but they clearly aren't which is why they are so fine with having you pick up the tab.

 

Good friends don't do stuff like that.

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I called my wise sister and she said she wasn't going to hang up until I sent her the email stating that this wasn't sitting well with me, that I didn't think it was fair to stick me with the tab for something I said while drinking that I have no recollection of. So I sent a brief and to the point email, but made it sound friendly by stating that she shoud let me know if I should cancel the ticket or if she wants to reimburse me so that her sister can join in the adventure.

 

Well, to my shock she wrote back stating how I supposedly brought up her sister coming along (I don't even care for her to come along and have met her once and she lives in another state so why would i bring her up?) and said "Be careful what you say while you are drunk. Next time I will never take your word when you are drinking." Which proves I said it while drinking (if I did) and when I tell her I don't remember saying it, why should she still force me to pay??

 

I hadn't responded yet when she sent another angry email stating that now she feels like the bad guy when she's done nothing wrong, that how is she supposed to tell her sister she's uninvited (I'm not uninviting her, just telling them to pay for her ticket - I have a suite with a tub and VIP status at the best hotel in town, dropping big bucks on it and they're this stingy over everything - I wish I had worthier people traveling with me), she said she doesn't want this drama and doesn't want to deal with it.

 

Now she's calling me and I'm not going to answer the phone. I want to think of how to respond first. I never knew her to act this way. She is a therapist/social worker, rents a cheap room in a house and has a paid off car and no other bills, yet is telling me she can't afford to pay a dime of her sister's ticket and sticking it to me while i am footing the bill on everything else. I wish she would just tell me she doesn't want to go because I don't want to be friends with her anymore or travel with her and am glad I spoke up because she must think I'm an idiot she was smooching off of.

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"Be careful what you say when you are drunk?"

 

Well thats a bit mean- lots of us say silly things we don't mean when we are drunk. Clearly, your friend is perfect. Everyone knows not to take things as gospel if alcohol is involved! I would never ever accept an offer like that whether my friend had been drinking or not- its just not cool.

 

What she should have done is say- "Hey, the other night you offered to pay for X to come on the trip- the things we do when we have had a few huh!"

 

What a sponger.

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Isn't it convenient she has you convinced that this conversation happened but you can't remember it? She could tell you you said anything...

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Even if you had said those things while drunk: she knew you were drunk.

 

A friend would have asked you about it, once you're sober again. That they failed to do that shows that they knew it wasn't right and they simply tried to get away with it.

 

If they can afford it or not is not the issue at hand - it's their behaviour towards you.

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She's just trying to lay a guilt trip on you and you have nothing to be guilty 4. People who manipulate others try to turn it around and make you out 2 be the bad guy. Stick to your guns, this friend is just a user and you have now found out what she is like.

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I say get out of the trip altogether. Cancel the whole trip.

 

I would second that your friend is treating you like moneybags.

 

Agreed. That is ridiculous.

 

Once that is done, you should consider why you can't say "No." This people pleasing behavior is only going to lead you down the road to more heartache.

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