4givrnt4gtr Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Ive been thinking for a long while to stop talking/hanging out with a friend. We've been friends for almost 10 years, but to be honest, she isnt exactly what we could call nice. Just as an example, when i first started dating my now ex, he asked me to invite one of my friends so he, one of his friends and I could go to a club. I invited her since she is the only one of my friends who would drink. (my other two girlfriends are either very hard core christian, and the other just very shy and quiet and doesnt do well with new people). Anyway, since i know how she can be quite rude at times I asked her to please hold her comments and be in her best behavior. Yeah..not so much. She made rude comments about my then bf's friend, drank a lot and started making a spectacle of herself dancing and laughing really loud in a sports bar (no dancing floor there). Afterwards she started asking my then bf about his financial status, how much $ did he make, what did he drive etc (btw, at this point he and I had been going out about 2-3 months....embarrasing!!). And then proudly said she was a golddigger. I was mortified!!!! At the club she started dancing with his friend, got bored and left him dancing by himself. ANyway that was bad. She's done other not so great things...like being glad her ex has cancer, use a guy for years so he would get her gifts (the poor guy was really poor and got her whatever he could. SHe would selll whatever he got her and got something else)...so sad. Nobody in my family likes her, my ex disliked her as well, my other good friend always warns me to not listen to her advice (with good reason!), and our mutual friend stopped talking to her for a while. Over all she just isnt a good positive person to be around. I have been trying to slowly detach from her....but yesterday I thought i'd meet up with her since she's been so insistent on meeting up. She was supposed to come to my place at a certain time. Well, she never showed up. She aimed me this morning saying how sorry she was but she had fallen asleep. Im so done. Not only with her but with everyone that takes me for granted and do those things to me. COme on! doesnt my time count too? ughhh. I let her know i was very mad and it was not acceptable. So my questions are Should I withdraw myself from her without saying anything? or should i ask her to meet me up and bassically "break up" our friendship? Not really sure how to proceed... Also, ive become aware that a lot of people do this to me, they make plans with me and just decide not to show up...not a call, nothing, just leave me waiting. Why is this? First my now ex, we were supposed to meet up to "hang out" and in my mind maybe work things out....he didnt show up, didnt call either. Later he sent me an email about how he cant face me. THen my sister in law, sent me a text urgently asking if she could come stay with me. I fix up my apartment, buy whatever I need to make the place more comfortable for her. She doesnt show up or bother to call. Later tells me she had changed her mind. And now this....what is up with that! do I have a sign that says "sucker"?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Zal2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Wow, you sound like the exact opposite of me. If all this were happening to me, I'd tell these people off right away. But mind you, I just posted a thread saying I have no friends. I think I am too assertive, whereas you are not assertive enough. But I think everyone who reads your thread will agree that the drunk girlfriend has to go. She can only bring you grief and trouble as long as she is unaware of her ways. It doesn't sound like she is ready to see herself for what she is, so if I were you i wouldn't try to tell her -- it would probably backfire. In short, my opnion, lose the friend. But you should probably make sure to do it gently and kindly (I'm Christian too.) Hope that help?? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 I've heard this story many times. Personally, with the GF, I'd just go silent. Price yourself out of her market. Always have plans when she wants to meet up. Let the phone go to VM. Bla, bla... I used to be a fan of closure, but anymore, especially when I feel disrespected, I don't think they're worth my time. Age does that to ya. As far as people always wigging out on you, note it and wig out on them too. Oops Real friends and family who care don't do that, at least not without a good explanation and some remorse. Disconnect those who do. Far better to have a few good friends and family than to constantly get beat up that way. If any of them confront you, just tell them that you need friends/family you can count on and they don't meet that standard, but have a great life Link to post Share on other sites
GPFan Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Your preference as to whether or not to meet for closure. You don't owe it to her, that much is clear. I wouldn't bother unless it is something you wish to do. Link to post Share on other sites
saraispiel19 Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 how i break up with my friends: *delete off facebook *delete off msn chat and/or when i see them "you haven't been much of a friend so i'm going to have to bump you down to aquaintaince", but thats just me. I've had friends who've been friends for many years but I cut off because of thier wild ways or other girlstuff-- no worries you can always make more;) however i'm the type of person that comes in and out of your life i'm not your "steady" friend- in friendship world i'm the drifter, town hoe, and the go to girl when you have problems. this is from my POV i've never really had a long term relationship friend. Link to post Share on other sites
missdeathwish Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Yeesh. She sounds like a real piece of work. Friends are harder to deal with than love interests, I think. Since you don't seem to think the relationship is worth salvaging, I wouldn't bother to talk to her that much. Drop off the radar. Don't contact her. If she contacts you, sure, be polite, but don't go out of your way to be all that interesting. Answer her questions, make idle chat, and cut the conversation short as soon as you can. Seems like she's not making much of an effort, so this one will probably be painless. Link to post Share on other sites
little-lilly Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 its a simple solution... u cant choose family... but u can choose friends!!! good luck with it Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 I learned a long time ago to eliminate people from my life that causes me too much stress. I usually don't return their phone calls and they get the message. I use to change my phone number every 2 years to get rid of those people I no longer wanted to deal with. Life is too short and I've never regretted it. Link to post Share on other sites
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