JayBird Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 I have been struggling to find ways to re-kindle a friendship over the past few months and am looking for advice. A bit of background. Sandra (her name) and I were really close and worked together about 6 years ago. She is younger, but we had a really great bond and were quite tight, like brother and sister. Anyway, she decided to leave the company where we worked and never told me a thing until shortly before, but had told many others. I was really hurt by this action and felt somewhat betrayed a bit as she had told me everything as I had placed my trust in her and our friendship. Unfortunately, I was going through a tough emotional time with my own personal challenges and regretfully 'snapped' a bit at her for knowingly keeping the truth away from me. I say regretfully as I didn't appreciate that in fact it might have been difficult for her to say anything, so it might have been a bit selfish on my part to be critical, when in truth the opposite might have been required which was to be supportive. I have felt quilty ever since as I also never told her fully about my own personal issues which in hind sight may have contributed. Unfortunately, she was very hurt and offended by my comments and behaviour which subsequently resulted in her rejecting me as a friend and wanted nothing to do with me other than the casual hi hello if we are in the same room. An awful feeling for anyone that has gone through this scenario. I tried to make contact on the odd occasion but to no avail and eventually resigned myself to giving up, even though on the odd occasion we had seen each other at various functions and she seemed fine but it always felt as if she wasn't being totally sincere. Fast forward to this year. We both met at a company reunion, and she had contacted me before to say she would be coming and wanted to talk or had lots to catch up on. Great I thought. Post the reunion I contacted her and we agreed lunch would be a good thing and she offered a couple dates. Both dates didn't work out and many more were suggested, and for one reason or the other she either called to cancel or didn't confirm at all. The last lunch date set resulted in me being stood up, which was very frustrating. Oddly she wrote an email stating I should keep in touch. I wasn't sure how to read that line. Anyway, I have been patient as I had hoped to 'clear the air' and rebuild the friendship by putting all on the table. I sensed that she might have felt the same way, but I am receiving mixed messages with the skipped and missed lunch dates so I am not sure what next to do. I do not want to act like I am desperate so I've backed off a bit. I'm not if to just leave things alone and walk away or continue to be patient and try again. I sincerely like her as a person and would value her as a friend, but its just very frustrating. I would hate to think she is purposefully leading me on with her recent actions, so I am looking for a bit of advice or insight into how or what I may do or say to help me with this. What should I be doing to rekindle this friendship ? JayB Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 Say what you have to say to her in a phone call or via email. Make your apology and tell her you've missed your friendship. The getting together thing isn't working, probably because she's not sure she wants to go there. But go ahead and tell her your thoughts. That's all you can do and then she can give it some thought and take it from there. If you don't hear from her after, don't stalk her. Meaning, unless she maintains contact with you, don't keep trying to contact her. And even if she does contact you, don't contact her 12 times for her every one text message. Sometimes work friendships die out when you no longer work together, even if nothing happened at the end. That's just how it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JayBird Posted March 19, 2008 Author Share Posted March 19, 2008 Good advice. I'll work up the courage to give her a call in a few weeks or so. Email tends to be a little impersonal at times and I didn't want to leave any impression that I was hounding her at all to meet or rekindle things from her end. It will only work if she herself is motivated to make it work ... so your reply more or less has reinforced my thoughts. The only thing that still eats away at me a bit is her sincerity with regards to wanting to actually meet ... which creates doubt for me. Anyway I'll see how it does and take it from there ... Link to post Share on other sites
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