chillibean270 Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 :confused:things like this happen.. but shes preganant wth a 14 year old guys baby and hes all for playing daddy .. at first when he told me, i thought it was a sick joke .. but i was wrong i love my friend so much .. and i want to be with her through it in case he chickens out .. (btw she lost her virginty to this guy) but shes moving wich living in a small town and being pregnant is a good thing .. but shes moving over 200 miles away . and you know i wanna be there for her but ..i dont know .. my mom sure as hell wouldent drive me up to see her ever weekend ... jeez .. any comforting coments would be nice .. thanks Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 While things might seem a bit grim, a positive outcome isn't impossible, assuming she has the baby. A generation ago, my wife's sister got pregnant at 15 (her BF was 17). The got married, had the baby (a girl) and a couple years later had another girl. They're still married 30 years later, both of their daughters are married and the youngest has two kids and the first-born is due next month with her first. Life wasn't easy but they persevered. "Grandma" is going to school to become a nurse after a career of being a mom. Just wanted to let you know that it can work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Obama08 Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 It can and does work out. No question that it's hard, but you acclimate, and the parental instinct generally takes over pretty quick. Link to post Share on other sites
coasterchris Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Why is she pregnant at 15? I didn't know you could be married at that age. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Depends on jurisdiction. In the case of my wife's sister, parental consent was required, and given. Why is easy. Intercourse plus "oops" . Having followed a different path, I can appreciate theirs and the struggles they had. Link to post Share on other sites
coasterchris Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Depends on jurisdiction. In the case of my wife's sister, parental consent was required, and given. Interesting. I always thought you couldn't be married anywhere until you were 16, regardless of parental consent. If my teens get pregnant before they are 18, it will not be pretty. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Yeah, I would agree (about the teen pregnancy part). I'll ask my wife when exactly her sister got married. They just recently celebrated their 30th and I thought she was 45, but maybe there's a few months error on my part that would make her 46. In any event, they're stuck like glue to each other. Pure compatibility. Link to post Share on other sites
ProudMommy Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Well it's just my opinion that 14 and 15 year olds have no business raising a child. If you are a good friend, my advice to you is to look up some information and resources about adoption, print them out, and take them to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chillibean270 Posted March 16, 2008 Author Share Posted March 16, 2008 aww thanks you guys .. shes still not sure if shes preganant or not, im really worried but i am hoping for the best. i guess the good thing is shes anti abortion .. so thats out of the question... ill keep you guys updated on anything new . i talked to her boyfriend .. hes .. scared $***less, wich i think is a good thing . and being a good friend i would not advicse adoption . im not big on children being in adoption agenencies... my grandma got preganant at 17 and put her child up for adoption, she regretted it and to this day still does even though shes met the child now .. my amazing aunt =]. even at 15 my friend is really muture. so i dont think she would think twice about it ...but thanks for the suggestion .. im just really hoping for the best once again ... xD Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Well it's just my opinion that 14 and 15 year olds have no business raising a child. If you are a good friend, my advice to you is to look up some information and resources about adoption, print them out, and take them to her. Adopting out your child is easier said then done. The emotional aspects of it, both to the parents and the child them self, I cannot even imagine. It is great the OP wants to be there for her friend, most people her age would being making fun of her or whatever. I think it takes alot of character to stand by someone at such a young age in this type of situation. Link to post Share on other sites
ProudMommy Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Yes, adoption is not easy at all. But sometimes you have to put your own feelings aside and think about what would be best for the CHILD. That child did not ask to be brought into this world and it deserves to live a decent life. I am not saying that this 15 yr. old could not provide that...maybe she could. But it's only common sense to realize that the child would live a more stable life if it was being raised by parents who had a loving relationship, who had the financial and emotional capability to live a good life. And not only will having a baby at 15 put strain on the CHILD'S life, but think about what it will do to the 15 yr. old mother herself....her childhood will be over, and her life will no longer be about her anymore..unless of course she just dumps the kid off on her own parents and continues on with her own life.....in which case, adoption would have been better anyway, don't you think???? I just don't believe that a 15 yr. old, no matter now "mature" they are for their age, has the emotional capability....not to mention the financial means, to raise a child. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 i guess the good thing is shes anti abortion... Why is this a good thing? and being a good friend i would not advicse adoption . A good friend would advise adoption. You need to be thinking about what's best for the baby not your friend. Having qualified, setup, adult parents is far better for a baby than a 14 and 15 year old mum&dad. even at 15 my friend is really muture. so i dont think she would think twice about it ... While I doubt your friend is mature by any stretch of the imagination there's far more to consider here. How does your friend plan to provide for the baby? They cost a lot of time and money... something a 15 year old has none of. Is she going to inflict her immature mistake on family support? Link to post Share on other sites
Author chillibean270 Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 Why is this a good thing? A good friend would advise adoption. You need to be thinking about what's best for the baby not your friend. Having qualified, setup, adult parents is far better for a baby than a 14 and 15 year old mum&dad. While I doubt your friend is mature by any stretch of the imagination there's far more to consider here. How does your friend plan to provide for the baby? They cost a lot of time and money... something a 15 year old has none of. Is she going to inflict her immature mistake on family support? Im sorry i WILL NOT advise her to get an adoption or abortion.. would you adopt your own child? how bout kill your child? i think not. shes a nice girl and i very much respect her and being a good friend i think its my duty to stand with whatever she decides. but i will as i said, not advice anything like that.Its not right,ive seen how bad it tore up my grandmother. my friend is very much more muture than her years as am i ... i know she wants the baby, for sombody to love. you make it seem like its a toy you play with and then throw away. honestly, have any of you adopted a child or gotten an abortion? .. did you regret it? i sure as hell would .. its a life that does not deserve to die... and, thank you darlin coco, thats very uplifting. =] Link to post Share on other sites
Author chillibean270 Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 Why is she pregnant at 15? I didn't know you could be married at that age. shes not married ... >_< and no.. i dont think they can get married. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chillibean270 Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 While things might seem a bit grim, a positive outcome isn't impossible, assuming she has the baby. A generation ago, my wife's sister got pregnant at 15 (her BF was 17). The got married, had the baby (a girl) and a couple years later had another girl. They're still married 30 years later, both of their daughters are married and the youngest has two kids and the first-born is due next month with her first. Life wasn't easy but they persevered. "Grandma" is going to school to become a nurse after a career of being a mom. Just wanted to let you know that it can work out. thank you very much.. i feel somewhat better about the whole situation.my friends doing good .. she went in for a test .. ther still waiting for the positive or negative so..she freaked out beacause she thought she was pregnant so i freaked out xD so now were waiting for the outcome Link to post Share on other sites
Author chillibean270 Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 It can and does work out. No question that it's hard, but you acclimate, and the parental instinct generally takes over pretty quick. and thank you very much!!! I appreciate al the encouraging thoughts!!!!!!!.. btw how many of you advicing me are christians.? Link to post Share on other sites
jeanniebeanni Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 im glad shes against abortion and adoption. i think it will be good for the baby to grow up with its real parents and since shes only 15 she might miscarriage it... besides she strong ask her if her mom ever miscarriage. Link to post Share on other sites
ProudMommy Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 If your friend was really as mature as you say she is, then she would have been using some kind of birth control to prevent something like this from happening in the first place. And yes, I AM a Christian and I think it would be wise for her to look into adoption. I am not at ALL suggesting abortion as I am not in favor of abortion at all, and think adoption is a much better choice in situations like these. I realize she is your friend and all, but if you were a true friend, you would help her make the BEST decision for her child AND for her. What kind of life will she have by having a baby at such a young age? How much will she miss out on? You have to think about this from all sides and most importantly you need to think about what is best for that child...because THAT is what matters the most. And your grandmother has nothing to do with this. Just because your grandmother regretted her adoption experience doesn't mean that it isn't the right choice for your friend. If your friend is really mature, like you claim she is, then she needs to put her selfishness aside and think about what is in the best interest of the child. And in the end, if she decides to keep the baby and raise it, I can only hope that she will do right by that child and actually be a mother and not just dump it off on her parents like so many young moms do so that they can go about their lives. But as her friend, you need to help her prepare and help her realize what's ahead of her if she decides to keep this baby. It's not just a toy that you can stick in the toybox when you're tired of it. It's a 24/7 responsibilty...for the REST of her life. Is she really ready for that?? That is what she needs to figure out and make her decision based on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chillibean270 Posted March 18, 2008 Author Share Posted March 18, 2008 ok before i read your thing any further i dont belive in a god.. and she WAS on birth controll and HE WAS using condoms. my grandmother was 16 when she did . do you realize how bad it could screw her up .. knowing she has a son/daughter out there with who knows what kind of parents. selfishness?? hunny selfishnes would be adopting it...jesus, the baby isent even born yet... it cant decide for her self.. well you know .. my friend is making her decision and i dont need you advicing mee.. her mom cant love her like she wants her dads in prison.if i was her .. id want a baby to be loved .. shes got problmes, yes .but I think shed be pretty damn good parent ... uhg . yes .. it will end her teen life .. but her mental age is so much older .i just want her to make a good decision. and for the last time i WILL NOT suggest it.. thank you have a nice day =]. Link to post Share on other sites
ProudMommy Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 ok before i read your thing any further i dont belive in a god. Ok, but you asked if any of us were Christians and that's why i answered you. and she WAS on birth controll and HE WAS using condoms. Must have not been using them the right way, otherwise she wouldn't have gotten pregnant. Maybe she shouldn't be having sex at all if she doesn't know how to properly use birth control. my grandmother was 16 when she did . Again, what does your grandmother have to do with this situation? Who cares what your grandmother did...that's not the issue here. do you realize how bad it could screw her up .. knowing she has a son/daughter out there with who knows what kind of parents. Do you realize how bad it will screw the CHILD up? To live with a teenage parent who doesn't know what the hell she's doing and doesn't know how to raise it? That's the problem with you teens...you think everything is all about YOU...well having a child means that life is no longer all about YOU, it's about what's best for the child. And looks like your friend is **** out of luck either way, because giving up the child would "screw her up"...yeah, well so will having a child at 15 yrs old but at least the kid would have a chance at a decent life if she gave it to a family who could properly care for it. selfishness?? hunny selfishnes would be adopting it...jesus, the baby isent even born yet... it cant decide for her self.. well you know .. Are you drunk? my friend is making her decision and i dont need you advicing mee.. Then why did you post here if you weren't looking for advice? her mom cant love her like she wants her dads in prison.if i was her .. id want a baby to be loved .. So let me get this straight...her mom isn't involved in her life and her dad is in prison...which basically means she would have noone to help her raise this child....which means she'd be a child raising a child alone?? So basically she is just wanting to have this child so she'll have someone to LOVE???? Oh yeah....THAT's not selfish at all!! Maybe she should get a puppy. shes got problmes, yes . Obviously. but I think shed be pretty damn good parent ... And what makes you think that? Because she's "SOOO mature".? Because she takes good care of her baby dolls?? I mean, what in the world makes you think that a 15 yr old child would make a good parent? You're serious?? i just want her to make a good decision. Making a good decision means weighing out ALL of your options and deciding on what is best for EVERYONE involved (including the child). It's NOT just about her...and it's certainly not about you. Would you still be such a "good" friend to her if she DID decide to put the bab y up for adoption? Would you still support her? If you're friend is as "mature" as you are, then I really really pity the child if she chooses to keep it. I'm sorry but your posts reek of immaturity. Link to post Share on other sites
jeanniebeanni Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 my perents had me when they where 18 and it didnt screw me up any.... i know this lady whos husbadn used pertection and she still had a baby... maby she wasnt using it wrong.... maby it just didnt help.... Link to post Share on other sites
ProudMommy Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 LMAO. Silly teenagers. Anyway, I'm glad she's not pregnant. Now be a good friend and tell her to make sure she's using proper birth control and using it the right way so that she won't have to deal with any more scares. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 If my daughter were 15, yes, I probably would advise her to give her child up for adoption. JMO. I know your grandmother had a bad experience - but in the same token, I have known more than one person in my life who was blessed to be adopted by a loving family. And also - the human brain is not fully developed at age 15. In fact, the frontal lobe does not completely develop until the middle of the 20s. The last part of the brain to develop governs rational thought and decision making. So, by virtue of that fact, it is much more difficult for a teenager to parent a child than an adult. I actually did a research review when I was in college on adolescent mothers and maternal investment. I'd have to go through my stuff to find that paper - I wrote it like 6 years ago Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 I'll assume false alarm and not miscarriage. She chose her friends well. Best of luck to you all Link to post Share on other sites
Author chillibean270 Posted March 18, 2008 Author Share Posted March 18, 2008 false alarm =] i definetly wouldent put my baby up for adoption.. ...prayings not in my religeon.. but thank you very much for the thoughts .. everybody thanks alot =] Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts