if a friend has lied to yuo, should you confront them even if itl cause conflict

[emmaUK]

i have known this girl since i was 8. thats nearly 20 years.

there has been periods of us being close and then periods of us being not so close.

lately we are not so close coz i find the way she throws herself at men embarassing n painful to watch.

she oozes desperation and her whole life revolvs around meeting men.

she doesnt go out to have a good time.. she goes out to pull and if she hasnt done so by a certain time then she is moody and wants to go home.

 

there was one time that we went out together and she met some guy n left me to stand there getting pissed on my own n then took me home at mindite so she could go n be alone with him. i was too drunk at the time to realise but the next morning i re-read a text i had sent someone on the way home and realised how early it was.

men generalyl come before friends with her.

 

not being horrible but she doesnt look after herself very well... liek her hair always looks like it needs a good wash and her teeth have brown stains on them and are starting to erode where she hasnt taken care of them.

i think this puts guys off big time aswell as the fact they can sense her depseration a mile off.

 

anyway... she ended up going for a drink with a close male friend of mine. after one date he said he didnt fancy her at all and she was throwing herself at him tellign him that she would take anything she could get off him and anytime he wante to go over an have sex with her to jsut ring her. apaprently she went to the toilet and came back with all her jeans unbuttond so that he could practically see everything and then started showing him pictures of her p***y on her phone.

he said he had never ever met anyone so forward like that before and it was nasty.. so that was that.

he is now chatting to a good friend of hers and i think she doesnt liek it coz has told this lie................

 

basically ... last friday she went for a drink with the guy who i lost my virginity to. niether of us have seen him since we were about 14-15.

i didnt see hear from here until monday but then she is sayign how fridya nigth went well and they have been inseperable since. she even chaged her fcebook status to "IN RELATIONSHIP". she going on about how hot he is and how rich he is and how great he is and that he has gone over to her hosue every single night since they met back up on friday. she said "he's coming over tonight and lending me some money". she basicalyl said that they were a couple and she is fallign in love with him n its gonna be romance from then on

i had sneaky feelings that she is tellign me all of this so that i wil go back and tell the male friend of mine who rejected her

 

then i notced that the guy who she braggin about has set his face book to private so that you cant even see his name come up when yuo do a search, i started to wonder then if everything she was tellign me was true and why would he suddenly do that..

 

anyway my male friend who rejected her told me today that he had met up with her other friend and apparently alot of what this girl has told me isnt true, liek they havent seen each other every night since they met up. she has only seen him twice and they are deff not in relationship together. so all that stuff she was tellign me basicalyl was a load of bull***t.... she is that insecure that she has to make up the whole whirlwind romance story. she has serious problems

 

i cant stand people who lie... especially people who i have known for years.

 

i really want to ask her why she said all that stuff to me when it wasnt true. why did she feel the need to make out he had been over everynight till 2am if he hadnt really. if i say anything though i will obviously have to say that her other friend has told me so it may cause a bit of he said/she said conflict. i just dont want her to get away with thinkin she can spin me a whole load of lies when i am someone she has known for nealry 20 years and i should be someone she is tellign the truth to.

 

shall i confront her???

[LucreziaBorgia]

You can confront her, but don't expect it to do any good. Her behavior sounds like it is something that is simply part of her personality - an ingrained pattern of behavior that a 'good talking to' won't change. On top of that she is desperate, and she feels that her behavior is the best way to get what she wants so it isn't likely that she will stop.

 

She isn't lying because she is trying to pull one over on you. I think she lies because her lies are what she needs to hear in order to keep herself going. My mother was like that. She would lie, and lie and lie and you know what? Those lies actually became her truth, and no amount of convincing would change her view that her 'truths' were in fact lies. She would make sh*t up, and it would become real in her mind. She didn't do it to be mean, or deceptive. She needed that denial in order to function. I expect your friend is very similar.

 

Honestly, it sounds like she needs help - but people like her won't get help until they hit bottom, and even then they still probably won't. I know you want to see her change, but your friend has to want to change, and take action to do so.

[emmaUK]

yes i really agree with you on this.

 

thing is i dont think she even realises what she is like.. so she cant change. i wouldnt even know where to start an i have a feeling she would get all defensive.

i while back i told her that guys tend to be more interested in me when i back off and dont chase them so much.. he reply was "im not as thick as yuo may think Emma, i just think that is playing games and i dont see the point in it"

 

i think if she started taking more care of herself and started putting herself and friends before men then she would find this dream man she seems to be so desperate for. i have known for years that she isnt the cleanest of people.... but how to do tell someone that??? i would juts feel too awful. "yuo should shower more and brush yuor teeth more" ... i couldnt say that .. i would feel soooo bad.