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Having friend issues, big time.


zilverenvlinder

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zilverenvlinder

I feel like ranting, so sorry if this is long! But if you're bored please read and respond.

 

My "best friend", Corrine, and I have been friends since the third grade. We're both 23 now, so needless to say, that is a long time. I am notorious for dumping my friends when they irritate me and am wondering what I should do about her.

 

Unfortunately, lately, she is bugging the crap out of me.

 

For example. She started dating this guy, James, last spring, so not too atrociously long ago. The first thing she did to piss me off was betraying my trust and telling James one of my longtime secrets... and of course, I found out through word of mouth. The "little birdie" who told me about it made me swear not to bring it up, so I haven't. I am true to my word. She revealed this secret about me almost four months ago, when her and James first started dating. (Way to go, chicks before dicks. -_-)

 

Her and James disgust me and all of our mutual friends, by the way. They are constantly licking each other's faces and making get-togethers very awkward and embarrassing for everyone to be around them. For instance, if her, James and I are sitting outside smoking cigarettes or what have you, they will start making out right in front of me! It's absolutely disgusting. Sometimes I wonder if they are 14 and 15 as opposed to 23 and 24.

 

Then...this is what inspired me to write this post... on Saturday night I went to another get-together where they were, and Corrine motioned for all four of us ladies to go outside with her. In front of everyone, this is what she said:

 

"Elia, I saw Jason at a restaurant last night! He totally asked me how I was doing, and I TOTALLY said, 'Uh, yeah right, I'm LIVING with my BOYFRIEND!'"

 

Jason is my ex from a couple of years ago.

 

This was extremely embarrassing. First of all, no matter how little sexual activity Jason was getting, he would never, ever in a million years go for Corrine. He was just being nice and asking her how she was doing. I know how he is. He's a nice guy. And he has told me many a time just how many beers it would take for him to get with her. (I believe the number was around...57?)

 

The second reason this was embarrassing, was it made me look like a fool in front of the other two girls there. They know who Jason is and...well, you get the picture. How would you like it if your friend told everyone that your ex was hitting on them? (Even though he was not.) Even if he was...good Lord!

 

Then, she went in a drunken frenzy, relaying "Jason stories" that I had told her to these girls for about half an hour! When I was sitting there!

 

So, when James finally came out for a cigarette, I started talking about HER ex-boyfriend. Muaha. She gave me the most evil look in the world and I shut up. That's fair, isn't it? She's allowed to tell thirty stories about my ex but I'm not allowed to mention the name of hers?

 

And the final straw... when I found out a couple months ago that my fiance was cheating on me, she came and picked me up and took me wherever I wanted to go. Which was, of course, the friend thing to do. Unfortunately, while I was going into convulsions and having a hard time breathing while recovering from the shock, the only thing she could talk about was how great James was and how awesome he was in the sack.

 

I'm totally over it. I can't stand it anymore. She won't even go to dinner with me without her pet James hanging around. She's done. She's out of the circle.

 

The end! Thanks for listening.

<3Z

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love necessity

I can see why you feel upset...You feel like you are being treated horribly by your bf...I honestly don't think that it will be necessary for you too like just dump her...I mean, you've been best friends w/ her for forever, and you will seriously regret it if you let her go...

 

Take a deep breathe and step back from the relationship (between you and her)....It seems like she may "open" her mouth a little too much and it frustrates the heck out of ya...(I would be too by the way)

However, you are not actually expressing to her, how you feel about her "blabbering your business"...She is your friend of a lot of years, and you shouldn't be afraid to stick up for yourself and what you believe in...

 

Not to be mean...Because I'm only trying to help, plus I've been through the same thing you are going through right now, but I think you are being passive-aggressive towards her...You aren't speaking your mind and telling her what you want from the relationship, but you rag on her behind her back in your head...

 

You should start being more assertive w/ your feelings...You deserve every right of being heard, and if she doesn't listen, then she's self-centered and she doesn't deserve you as a friend...

 

Now, I don't know what's going w/ everything, but maybe when you found out that you're ex-fiance was cheating--and you were having compulsions...Maybe she was just trying to help by talking about something more positive...However, instead you reciprocated w/ negative feelings, making it a conspiracy theory that she was trying to make you jealous....Bottom line, I think you should start "positive thinking"...It will help you become more focused on the situation at hand, it will also help you ease up your stress....

 

The biggest issue you should start w/ is becoming more assertive w/ your feelings and what you want...

 

You shouldn't let people cross your boundaries and not say something and then turn around and call them a bad person, because all the while they may not even know how you actually feel...You understand?

 

I hope this helped and I would really like to know what you're going to do, because I really don't think it's necessary to drop a "long-time friendship"....I mean..You're so lucky...There are so many people on here who yearn for that type of friendship, and you have it, you just need to figure it out...GOOD LUCK!:)

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