I'm not good socially, so how can I become a good friend to her?

[iFinix]

Hello

 

I am really depressed about this. I know a girl from work and we only know each other at work. She wants to hang out sometime outside of work, but I am a shy person who hasn't had many good friends in life.

 

I think I have minor social anxiety, because I'm too embarassed to do certain things in public, especially physical involved things. What could I possibly do with this girl outside of work?

 

I want to be her friend, but I just don't know how someone like me could do that. Please help.

[curiousnycgirl]

How about just going for a drink after work? There is nothing physical about that - and you two can just chat, get to know each other a little bit better. This will allow you to become more comfortable with her - and possibly ease into planning something else.

[iFinix]

Thanks for the suggestion, but neither of us are old enough to drink (unless your talking about coffee)

 

I suppose I'll just call her one day and not mention the hang out part. If she does then maybe she'll have an idea already.

 

I'm just afraid it'll be another failed friendship in my life. I'm not good at keeping friends.

[JCD]

I agree, you feel pressured so to take off pressure consider low key events like walking in the park, sit by the river, etc. Get to know her and then you'll feel more comfortable with her. Then you can try the night club because you want to make her time with you fun so you'll do those things for her, imo.

[Liquinn]

Well, if you want to be a good friend to her, get her trust, make sure she feels the same way.

 

You're probably like me, it's a bit nervous meeting someone for the first time though, I'll give you that, just be your self, I guess.

[Bogus4]

I recently have had the same problem.

What I found out to be the cause was serveral things. I need people who accepted me. Once you find people who accept you, talking to other people will be a breeze adn you wont fear rejection as much. You should be comforable with who you are and have true friends to fall back on.

 

Another issue was I had far more emotional issues than I ,myself, could handle. (not having turstworthy friends didnt help either)

 

So my advice for you is talk to her. INvite her out after some awkwardness fades. But for you, invite other poeple also (that she and you know) so if you feel intimidated to chat just fall into the background for the night. This way you get to spend time with her and have a back up plan if you chicken out without ruining your image.

 

if by any chance you do ruin your image, explain to her about your "social anxiety" or prehaps before

[Magnatolia]

You're kidding right?? A girl suggested that the two of you hang out outside of work. Most people who are shy could only dream of that.

 

You need to take a step back and find out 'why' you feel this way.

 

Why do you find it hard to keep friends? Are you not a good friend? Do you have trouble keeping the conversation going? Do you stumble over your words?

 

Now, for activities. Pretty easy. Coffee is a good way of getting to know somebody. Then if that goes well you can move on to movies, bowling, etc. Bowling is pretty fun and it can be pretty social too.

 

When you're shy the key is to find an activity that is time consuming. What I mean by that is you spend some of your time concentrating on the activity. Like bowling. You bowl then you can walk back and you only have to be chatty between bowls.