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burning 4 revenge

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burning 4 revenge

I know this has been talked about before, but I forgot what the threads were, so I'm starting another one. Since no-one is on now I'll kick it back up later, but thought I'd ask while it is on my mind.

 

Why does it seem that women can keep feelings out of opposite sex friendships so much more easily than men? I see it happen time and time again where a guy gets close to a woman as a friend and subsequently has non-platonic feelings and the woman just doesnt have those same feelings. And I'm not talking about sexual feelings so much as yearning melancholic feelings. I'm not saying that those feelings wouldn't be expressed physically, because ideally they would, but I'm saying it's more emtional than sexual.

 

Why do men become infatuated with their female friends more than the reverse? It seems to me that women stick rigidly to certain types and prefer those types not even be their friends to begin with. The types many go for they would never be friends with. It seems women seperate emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy more.... contrary to popular opinion.

 

Then again I wonder if many men would work at lasting friendships with women they arent even remotely attracted to. But men seem to be so much less picky than women to begin with. A woman will have her vision fixed toward a certain "type" and never in a million years seriously entertain any kind of relationship with a man who doesn't fit that type. That's why it seems women are more shallow to me.

 

 

Curious about what you think

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amaysngrace

 

Curious about what you think

 

 

I think it's a pretty big generalization you've just made. I have male friends who I bounce off of but would never get serious with. I think they feel the same for me...we know each other too well. And we go to each other for advice and stuff about BFs and GFs but we'd never cross the line.

 

I think it's more like a brother/sister type relationship. We enjoy each other, we help each other and we like each other...just not like THAT.

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LucreziaBorgia

I'm going with biochemistry and hormones on this one. I think a man's brain is swimming with a chemical/hormonal mix that is hardwired for sex. Those tend to hinder the "just friends" aspect for a man in a way that it doesn't for women.

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lonelybird

Female maybe become infatuated with their male friends too, but not worth to move to REAL SEX. after sex, man' s infatuation will disappear or lessen, but woman don't, but increase vulnerablity. Unless she see security and love, probably it is wise not to develop it:p

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It seems women seperate emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy more.... contrary to popular opinion.

 

I disagree... more women fall head over heels as soon as they have sex with the guy even after one or two dates.

 

But men seem to be so much less picky than women to begin with.

 

I agree with you on this point... men are a LOT less picky than women, if they can have sex, then the physical aspects become less important but I think they are more picky for a long-term relationship... I know I am extremely picky, even for sex.

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Not true. I have a female friend at work that I have no interest in beyond that. She would get on my nerves if I had to live with her but we work very well together and sometimes we hang out together and bring our spouses.

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Then again I wonder if many men would work at lasting friendships with women they arent even remotely attracted to

 

That's my guess as to why guys end up falling for their friend-girls...they don't become friends in the first place with girls they aren't somewhat attracted to.

 

There may be exceptions for situations when they meet a woman at work or through an activity, but they aren't likely to maintain those friendships if the work situation changes and they no longer work together, or they stop doing that particular activity.

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I think it's because we women find it easier to slide into a friendship without physical strings attached – we do it with our girlfriends ... we have an intense love or feeling of care for them, but don't necessarily want to fck them ... therefore, it's not out of the question to forge friendships with guys.

 

men, on the other hand, seem to view women as (1) someone to screw (2) someone to avoid, awith nothing really in between, because they're not as often geared to making friends with females.

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Interesting Q.........

 

Just stabbing at this but maybe guys are more into what they can get out of an R than what they can bring to one? :o

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maybe guys are more into what they can get out of an R

 

yep, "Is she someone to hump, or not?" Simplistic, but more than a little true ..

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Trialbyfire

I think it happens both ways.

 

On LS you see consistent threads of girls who have fallen for their male friends and want to take it to a relationship level. Too bad that many times (not always), for assorted reasons, it turns into an FWB relationship which isn't what the girls wanted in the first place.

 

[generalized statement]Girls see sex as a means to intimacy. Guys see sex...as sex.[/generalized statement]

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bluetuesday

i think men are generally less picky than women about who they want sex with, and more picky than women about who they want a relationship with.

 

a male friend who tried to have sex with me didn't want a relationship with me. he just wanted to shag me. i wasn't his relationship type but since i have a vagina and didn't loath him, i was his sexual type. just my experience.

 

conversely, for me to want sex with someone they have to be my sexual AND relationship type, which might make me seem more picky, but only when you compare me to someone who'll have sex with anything that agrees to it.

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tanbark813
men, on the other hand, seem to view women as (1) someone to screw (2) someone to avoid, awith nothing really in between, because they're not as often geared to making friends with females.

 

yep, "Is she someone to hump, or not?" Simplistic, but more than a little true ..

 

That's a little over-simplified. It's true for some men but it's going to vary from guy to guy. I have friendships with women who I don't want to f**k. They're good to have for a number of reasons:

 

1. To get perspectives on things that you may not get if talking to a guy.

2. To bounce ideas/thoughts off to get advice on women (sort of goes along with #1).

3. Every girl has at least one friend you would like to f**k, so it's just good networking practice. :D

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That's a little over-simplified. It's true for some men but it's going to vary from guy to guy. I have friendships with women who I don't want to f**k. They're good to have for a number of reasons:

 

1. To get perspectives on things that you may not get if talking to a guy.

2. To bounce ideas/thoughts off to get advice on women (sort of goes along with #1).

3. Every girl has at least one friend you would like to f**k, so it's just good networking practice. :D

 

 

 

 

 

 

maybe guys are more into what they can get out of an R

 

by R I also mean a non sexual friendship as well. Point made above.

Few men get into friendships with women just because they really admire them as people or think they are fun to hang with.

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tanbark813
maybe guys are more into what they can get out of an R

 

Everyone has a vested interest in what they can get out of a R, male or female. No one enters a R solely because of what they can give.

 

Few men get into friendships with women just because they really admire them as people or think they are fun to hang with.

 

I must be one of the few then. Some of the female friendships I have are based on that.

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Tanny, I was going to compliment you on being one of the truly enlightened ... then I saw Point No. 3. <shakes head>

 

ah, son, you nearly had me there :p :p

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tanbark813
Tanny, I was going to compliment you on being one of the truly enlightened ... then I saw Point No. 3. <shakes head>

 

ah, son, you nearly had me there :p :p

 

Hey, we all have our evil sides. :D

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Mustang Sally

How about "older" guys? Meaning, middle age and up (no offense to anyone...)

 

I think (other than Tanbark, of course) that the majority of "younger" guys (early middle age and younger) might be unable to be "just friends" with females (the "I want to f*ck you" always getting in the way) but how about those with a few more years under their belts? Do they still feel that most (if not all) relationships with women should lead to the bedroom eventually?

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Felixstowe

I know for me I have plenty of female friends that I'm not attracted to. I do tend to prefer pretty girls however. (I guess that just me.) I've never actually been in love with any of my female friends. I always fall for new acquaintences, then decide whether or not I want to go after them. If not, then I remain friendly, if so, then I'm very friendly, but make it very clear I'm interested in more. ;)

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burning 4 revenge
i think men are generally less picky than women about who they want sex with, and more picky than women about who they want a relationship with.

I don't think this is true. I've developed feelings for women I didn't think were all that physically attractive. I don't think I'm much different from most men there, so I don't understand the generalizations.

 

There's no doubt in my mind that women are much more picky, but they seem to be in more demand, so the balls always in their court.

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I've been operating on the over-simplified theory that man/woman friendships don't really exist. It of course depends how you define "friendship". Someone to kid around with at the office could be defined as a friend, but I'm not talking about that kind. I'm talking about the kind where you talk all the time, spend personal time together, become close and start telling each other deep, private things. Those are not friendships. They are surrogate-relationships, and they tend to be founded on one or the other or both people's feelings of wanting more.

 

And when those feelings surface, you find out it wasn't a friendship at all. It was either a step toward a love relationship, or it was a bridge over loneliness. And then the "friendship" ceases to exist, to be replaced by love or nothing.

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I've been operating on the over-simplified theory that man/woman friendships don't really exist. It of course depends how you define "friendship". Someone to kid around with at the office could be defined as a friend, but I'm not talking about that kind. I'm talking about the kind where you talk all the time, spend personal time together, become close and start telling each other deep, private things. Those are not friendships. They are surrogate-relationships, and they tend to be founded on one or the other or both people's feelings of wanting more.

 

And when those feelings surface, you find out it wasn't a friendship at all. It was either a step toward a love relationship, or it was a bridge over loneliness. And then the "friendship" ceases to exist, to be replaced by love or nothing.

 

Wow. Great post. It's true but I never thought of it in quite that way.

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Could it be that outside of the physical many women are just not enjoyable to hang out with. There are some who are but when I am out with the guys I don't want us to have to watch what we say or do out of fear of offending a woman. Guys want to unwind and relax when they are with friends and with many women you can't unwind and relax around them. I mentioned my cowaorker who I like to hand out with but a man can relax around her. When she steps into the men's circle she doesn't start drama so we enjoy having her around but many other women are different.

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burning 4 revenge
Wow. Great post. It's true but I never thought of it in quite that way.
yes, j has written the most insightful posts for me personally. when i was getting over the evil one he seemed to understand my core inner-conflicts the best, or maybe i should say he expressed them the best.

 

he has a gift for clear thinking and direct expression.

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he has a gift for clear thinking and direct expression.

 

I have no woman around to cloud my thinking or twist my logic.

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