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Dating a friend's Ex


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I know it's the cardinal rule of friendships not to date a friend's ex, but I feel like my situation is different.

I'd known this guy for about 4 years, always thought he was attractive, but I was always in a relationship or married and didn't really think he was too interested. However we did become very close friends and he even moved in with me and my husband. Shortly after he moved in, he met a new friend of mine at my birthday party. He was sad about being single and not knowing many people in the new area, so he started to go out with her.

I was so jealous I couldn't think about anything else, but I still talked to both of them about their relationship, helped them with problems, let her stay over etc. They broke up after a few months because his dad went into the hospital and he didn't have very much time to spend with her. All this happened last July/august and she STILL isn't over him. She was almost psycho-obsessively in love with him forever afterwards and I believe still is.

But...I went through a divorce this year and he and I finally decided to give it a shot. We're so perfect for eachother we finish eachother's sentences and all of that...but I still feel really bad for this girl.

She didn't make a scene or anything, but she won't really talk to me and I can tell she's upset. I don't know if we can ever be friends again, but I mean if I was supportive of them being together even though I had feelings for him, it doesn't seem fair that his two month relationship with a not so close friend should cut me off from the chance of a lifetime relationship...

I do feel bad and don't know if I've done the right thing...am I a bad friend?

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melodymatters

Nah. It didn't work out with them, you didn't 'steal" him away.

 

I wouldn't do it if it was one of my oldest dearest friends, for men come and go, but you can't make new " old friends", but it sounds like she's more of an aqquaintance.

 

This way perhaps 2 people can find happiness, the other way, no one can.

 

It speaks well of you that you feel badly, but sh*t happens, such is life.

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Cheshire Cat

Sometimes you just have to make choices in life.

 

It is very understandable that you decided to give this relationship a chance, but you couldn't really have expected your friend to react any differently. You did knew she she is still "almost psycho-obsessively in love with him" and that she was going to be hurt, so her reaction should not be really a surprise.

 

Feeling guilty or feeling bad for your friend is basically of no use to either you or her.

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