How often is acceptable for guests to stay over?

[LoveLace]

If you have a 2 bedroom and you live with your roommate + his kid, would you want draw a line on how often it is acceptable for his girlfriend to spend the night? Leave the jealousy factor out for now...

 

She's been there every night pretty much for over a week...she's only 22 so I'm gathering she still lives with her parents. I'm trying to wait it out and see how long this fling is going to last, and I only have 4 mos left to live there, but in the mean time, at what point would you start to feel the guest was there often enough to demand help with rent, or something of the sort? She always arrives pretty late at night but is there all day the next day, while I'm at work, so does she use the shower? Electricity? Will staying over that often start to show up on bills, etc?? We don't pay water, but still...mistakingly we have never discussed what we each think is ok in this department. And he hasn't bothered to ask me since this began. He's been kissing my butt though, cleaning a lot, etc, but that doesn't make up for having a 3rd, free-living roommate that I didn't even ask for, or give permission for! And I have to hear them having sex all the time. It's annoying.

[Art_Critic]

How much do you think she alters the bills ? ie: power and food - I do know that an extra person does raise the power bill..

 

If she adds to your out of pocket expense then I would think your roommate and you should change the arrangement to even things out.

 

I would think that he should be able to have her over as often as he wants to otherwise though.. He does pay rent ? Why would he not be able to ?

 

I know you said to leave the jealousy issue out of it but it seems to be the reason you have a problem with her..

 

Without the jealousy there iss no problem.. you would most likely just put up with her with no shoulder shrugs..

[LoveLace]

I won't shrug off having a 3rd roomate, when all I thought I was getting at first was 1. When his daughter had to move in, he warned me in advance, said he was sorry, etc, but I understood the situation and he is good about buying TP and necissities like that since we go through them quicker obviously.

 

Also at the beginning a buddy of his was trying to stay there like every day and every night. My RM demanded money from him, just after a couple weeks.

 

Why should the GF be treated any differently? He hasn't discussed it with me at all, the way he did with his daughter and with his buddy. Is it different because she's screwing him? Well that's great it benefits him, but it doesn't benefit me, it's an extra body in my place that I don't want there that often, like I felt about his buddy. And I can tell she's used my hair dryer! (won't explain how I know but I do) The daughter is enough. And if the girl anticipates being there that often, she'll start bringing her own crap over, etc, and that's when it gets to seem like an extra roommate. No way could I shrug that off just because he pays his half of rent. I do, too, but I wouldn't have a boyfriend sleep there that often. I pay half of the cable bill, but rarely get to use the cable, if you ask me he should be paying OVER half of the bills to compensate for his daughter. And now it's the girlfriend. I can't help but feel a little aggravated. But I don't want to seem like a b*tch.

[Art_Critic]

If there are 4 people living in the household then the bills get split 4 ways.. and you should have to pay for 1/4 and he should pay for 3/4.

This is how a court would rule it..

 

The daughter acts as 1 additional person and his GF as 1..

 

You need to sit him down and get him to compensate for his share changing

[bridget_jones]

His daughter lives there and he is bringing this 22 year old woman there to stay overnight?

I am no prude but I really am not liking this.

[LoveLace]

I know Briget..you think you don't like it...try being me ! I despise it...that's my point is that I've so understanding about his daughter staying and his kids visiting, etc, and now i'm supposed to be understanding about a slut that is staying the night every night?

 

I just got a good idea from a friend. I'm going to keep my mouth shut, and write every date, starting with today, that she is there and spends the night. When our next round of bills come, I will tell him he needs to pay 70%, not half. If he tries to argue with me, I will bust out the dates. He might even still argue with me then.

 

I have a feeling this is about to get really messy...hopefully I can really keep quiet for this long, but I'm already tempted to suggest I move out so that she can move in! But it's only been a little over a week, I'm telling myself that's not enough to take it too seriously yet.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

You mentioned before trying to find someone to take you place before August. Nicely ask him if she would be interested, since she seems to be staying there anyway. Then you will not be partly funding this for him. If he can afford a 22 year old live in then this is your chance to move on.

[LoveLace]

You mentioned before trying to find someone to take you place before August. Nicely ask him if she would be interested, since she seems to be staying there anyway. Then you will not be partly funding this for him. If he can afford a 22 year old live in then this is your chance to move on.

 

 

I couldn't agree more. I just don't want to make that suggestion when he's only been seeing her a little over a week so far. Yes, I want to move on, but the physical act of moving wouldn't even be allowed in my schedule until the end of May. (I have school at night and on weekends). Not to mention it sounds dreadful and exhausting...so I figure I might as well wait until this has been going at least a month or so, then it won't seem like I'm jumping the gun so much on assuming the status of their relationship. And that's also when the next round of bills will show up. That'll be the perfect time ask to be compensated for the roommate I didn't want, and the perfect time to suggest she takes my place.

 

as much as I want to say something sooner..which I might knowing my patience...I also don't want it to look like I'm just miserable that he has a girlfriend. Don't wanna look like I'm trying to tell him what to do, etc. I don't know this theory will really last with me, but I'll try pretty hard. In the mean time I'm going about my own life with work, school, and going out with friends, which all makes this stuff a little easier to tolerate. Just not easy enough to deal with for too long.