Friend by default?

[luvtoto]

My neighbor is driving me crazy. She wants to be friends with me, but I can't stand her...at all.

 

I've tried to avoid her, yet she still seeks me out. I've seen her three times in the last two days. If I see her outside, I have to run in my house.

 

One night she called me to see if my son was over at my house, he wasn't. Then she *sighed*, and out came everything to me about her very personal health issues, in one single breath..that lasted twenty minutes.

 

What was I supposed to say, "well, sorry you are not feeling well, gotta go! ;)"

 

Once she has her claws in me, she'll talkforever, and then I'll feel obligated.

 

I understand that she probably needs a friend in her life, but it is not fair to me to have to be one only by default.

 

Any ideas??

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Hmmm, that's difficult. The neighbor thing makes it hard. You could tell her you gave of friends for lent but that would only get you through another week. You could tell her that your counselor said that you are much to frail to deal with anyone elses problems right now, but then she'll just assume that you need help and try to be there for you. Poisoning someone is illegal.

 

You could be brutally honest but having a neighbor as an enemy isn't anymore fun that having one as a friend. I try to keep my distance from neighbors, even though there are a few that I like because you are too accessible to them. You might just have to keep on making excuses (before she gets the first sentence out of her mouth) and hope that she gives up on the friendship.

[luvtoto]

Hmmm, that's difficult. The neighbor thing makes it hard. You could tell her you gave of friends for lent but that would only get you through another week. You could tell her that your counselor said that you are much to frail to deal with anyone elses problems right now, but then she'll just assume that you need help and try to be there for you. Poisoning someone is illegal.

You are pretty good with the excuses!

 

You could be brutally honest but having a neighbor as an enemy isn't anymore fun that having one as a friend. I try to keep my distance from neighbors, even though there are a few that I like because you are too accessible to them. You might just have to keep on making excuses (before she gets the first sentence out of her mouth) and hope that she gives up on the friendship.

Yea, I can't have her as an enemy. I am not going down that road..especially with a neighbor.

 

I will practice my excuses, I guess.

[LoveLace]

Does she ever try to catch you while you are leaving for something? Act like your in a huge hurry.

 

Or, if you have a cell phone with an alarm on it, set it to go off before you go outside for something. Like on my cell, you can set up to 3 or 4 alarms. Set a couple to go off like every 5/10 minutes...set the ringtone of your choice for the alarm, and she'll think someone's calling you, just say, "sorry gotta take this!" and go about your business, weather its walking back into the house or getting into your car. Act as though its a very important phone conversation.

 

Do you have caller id? If not, maybe you should get it, and just don't answer when she calls. If she's psycho and keeps calling anyway, turn the ringer off. I would think eventually that she would start feeling too intimidated by these things to keep trying to talk to you. That or she will plain get the hint. If you see her and she says, "why didn't you answer your phone?"...you were in the shower...you were on the other line...you were working in the basement....your stereo was up loud...there's all kinds of excuses you could use there.

 

Just some ideas...good luck...

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I hear migraine head aches can last for days!!

 

You are pretty good with the excuses!

 

Yeah, between my lying H and a teenager, I have learned from the best.

Actually walked in the kitchen to find my teenager stomping on a 3.5 floppy disk, looked at her questioningly, and she says, "Oh, I didn't finish my english paper, I'm just gonna act like the disk got crushed in my book bag." We don't even own a computer that uses one of those anymore.

[Porn_Guy]

just blow her off man

[luvtoto]

Does she ever try to catch you while you are leaving for something? Act like your in a huge hurry.

 

Or, if you have a cell phone with an alarm on it, set it to go off before you go outside for something. Like on my cell, you can set up to 3 or 4 alarms. Set a couple to go off like every 5/10 minutes...set the ringtone of your choice for the alarm, and she'll think someone's calling you, just say, "sorry gotta take this!" and go about your business, weather its walking back into the house or getting into your car. Act as though its a very important phone conversation.

 

Do you have caller id? If not, maybe you should get it, and just don't answer when she calls. If she's psycho and keeps calling anyway, turn the ringer off. I would think eventually that she would start feeling too intimidated by these things to keep trying to talk to you. That or she will plain get the hint. If you see her and she says, "why didn't you answer your phone?"...you were in the shower...you were on the other line...you were working in the basement....your stereo was up loud...there's all kinds of excuses you could use there.

 

Just some ideas...good luck...

Actually those are really good ideas! haha! Note to self: keep cell phone handy.

 

I hear migraine head aches can last for days!!

 

You are pretty good with the excuses!

 

Yeah, between my lying H and a teenager, I have learned from the best.

Actually walked in the kitchen to find my teenager stomping on a 3.5 floppy disk, looked at her questioningly, and she says, "Oh, I didn't finish my english paper, I'm just gonna act like the disk got crushed in my book bag." We don't even own a computer that uses one of those anymore.

She learned from you or you learned from her? Hmmm..? haha!

 

I've given a few excuses out in my day, too. Normally, I would just take it and get on with my day, but she is extremely negative/toxic. She's always at her "witts end". She just talks AT me, and not with me.

 

just blow her off man

I have tried that in a more passive-agressive way.

 

If you are talking to someone and they glance at their watch a few times...that should give off a few hints! Shouldn't it??

[Art_Critic]

If you are talking to someone and they glance at their watch a few times...that should give off a few hints! Shouldn't it??

 

Not for people that get blown off daily because they talk too much.. they just think you walking off during the conversation or looking at your watch is normal because it happens to them every day by other people.

[polywog]

Treat it the way you'd treat a guy that was hitting on you that you weren't interested in. Maybe that's too mean.

 

Just interrupt her and say, with a fake smile, that you don't have time to talk (listen, in her case). Be firm, but polite. The message is that you are Not Interested. But you are not mean.

 

I feel sorry for her, but I feel terrible that you feel held captive by social decorum, as we all have been from time to time.

 

Light a nice voodoo candle that she'll find her listening counterpart.

 

Then pray it works.

[luvtoto]

Not for people that get blown off daily because they talk too much.. they just think you walking off during the conversation or looking at your watch is normal because it happens to them every day by other people.

That definitely makes sense! It's pretty sad. I am always watching for the "gotta go" clues when I talk to with people.

 

Treat it the way you'd treat a guy that was hitting on you that you weren't interested in. Maybe that's too mean.

 

Just interrupt her and say, with a fake smile, that you don't have time to talk (listen, in her case). Be firm, but polite. The message is that you are Not Interested. But you are not mean.

 

I feel sorry for her, but I feel terrible that you feel held captive by social decorum, as we all have been from time to time.

 

Light a nice voodoo candle that she'll find her listening counterpart.

 

Then pray it works.

Yea, I feel sorry for her too. However, I don't want to be her everyday friend...just a distant acquaintance.

 

I guess I just need to get more obvious with her.

 

Thanks guys!

 

I just don't like negative/toxic people. They wear too much on ya.

[RecordProducer]

She will give up. Just keep avoiding her, but be kind. I've had this problem and kept it polite, but without any enthusiasm. They always get it after a few weeks. Just don't invite her over out of pity, cuz the process will be repeated for another several weeks. Been there, done that.

[luvtoto]

She will give up. Just keep avoiding her, but be kind. I've had this problem and kept it polite, but without any enthusiasm. They always get it after a few weeks. Just don't invite her over out of pity, cuz the process will be repeated for another several weeks. Been there, done that.

I am not inviting her over, I guarantee that!

 

In the last three days, she has hunted me down.

 

The first time, her car broke down uptown. She stopped by my work to ask for a ride home, which turned into me taking her here and then there uptown in my car. Her crabbing the whole time. I did not get my lunch hour.

 

The second time, she needed to put an advertisement in the paper. She came in and wanted ME to write her damn ad. It took 20 freakin' minutes to figure out what she wanted to say. Every time I would make a suggestion, she would then knock my opinion down. But, the whole time she was "writing" up her ad, I had to hear about all her problems.

 

The third time, she called my house to ask if I could give her son a ride home from school. I like a dummy answer the phone, because my son was playing over at her house with her son. I told her that I could, then she kept me on the line talking about how she has to go in to have a mammogram to see if she has beast cancer. Wha! OVERSHARE! How do you rush someone off the phone for that?

 

Anyway, I would like to just say to her in mid-conversation, that I just don't have time for her negativity right now.

[luvtoto]

Oh ****! My neighbor just called...I was in the middle of a really good movie, and she started venting again.

 

I kept trying to wrap it up. But, she just kept talking about.. I don't even know!!

 

I hung up on her.

 

I don't care if we are enemies. I can't stand her.