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I am such an idiot


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I just posted today, saying how I think I love my roommate and he loves me, and I am now pretty sure that I was WAY off base.

 

 

He hasn't even returned my call from a few hours ago, obviously he's with a girl. I'm such an idiot for thinking he loves me.

 

I'm 30 and I should have guys pounding on my door and I dont have one. Nobody wants me. I havne't been kissed or told I'm pretty in soo long. I was such a fool for thinking he would eventually do that for me. I am such an idiot for thinking I was good enough for him. I will never understand why he watns to live with a woman he doesn't even love.

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Aren't you overreacting a little? It's not like he has any idea how you feel.

 

It's St. Patrick's Day. Bars are pretty loud tonight. He may not have even heard his phone.

 

And so what if he is out on a date? Doesn't mean she's the love of his life.

 

You really should just tell him how you feel. I don't know why you haven't.

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You really should just tell him how you feel. I don't know why you haven't.

I would disagree with that.

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Yes, bad move. You have to let him come to you.

 

That said, I agree with Norajane, calm down and have faith.

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yes she can let him come to her... but she can be subtle about how she feels about him.

 

But first she needs to stop thinking that she is unworthy

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Granted.

 

Look at it this way: Say I've got the hots for this girl, do I just go and tell her that I crave her body? Even if she felt something for me, she'd run away screaming. Kinda the same thing with guys and emotions, I'm sorry to say.

 

 

You have to be a bit devious about it. Give us some details, I'm sure we could cook something up.

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Granted.

 

Look at it this way: Say I've got the hots for this girl, do I just go and tell her that I crave her body? Even if she felt something for me, she'd run away screaming. Kinda the same thing with guys and emotions, I'm sorry to say.

 

 

You have to be a bit devious about it. Give us some details, I'm sure we could cook something up.

 

 

I think OP should intice him and make him think that the decision was all his.

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Best way there is. But go easy on the emotional stuff, the way to a guy's heart does not go though his ears.

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Best way there is. But go easy on the emotional stuff, the way to a guy's heart does not go though his ears.

 

 

You can say that again!

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That was such a down moment for me last night. He came home not long after that, and just said he "hung out" after work (he DOES work in bar..doesn't drink though)..and said he never got my message. He said he thought for sure that he would beat me home...he expected I'd be out all night. But I came home early cuz the cops were thick around here for St. Pats Day so I surrendered after just a couple beers.

 

Just him coming home put me in a better mood. By then I already don't care if was with a girl or not anymore. So for like the 4th time in the last week, we are alone on the couch, tv on in the dark together. Also for the 2nd time he offered to get me some water. We were excited about a movie we'd been wanting to see. So we watched it and I fought falling asleep cuz it disappoints him when I do that! Like always we each stay on our end of the couch. We each have our own blanket. (sometimes we share one yet stay on opposite ends of the couch!)...he seems perfectly happy to be here with me. But just because he started this new thing of getting water for me and being sweet, I don't know if I should assume he's trying to win me over. I can't bring myself to just cuddle up to him on the couch, its like I need an invitation 1st. And I also dont' wanna bring up feelings and ruin perfectly good time together. Then of course, we say goodnight and each go to bed.

 

I know I am worthy, I just didn't feel that way at the moment last night. And your right that I need to settle down! Even if he is out on a date...its gotta mean something how much he likes to hang with me on the couch here lately. But like I said, can't bring myself to just throw "the talk" on him at anytime. I would rather just lay a big kiss on him. The roommate factor makes that seem like a big no-no though.

 

I just got paranoid last night I guess. Whatever's building between us, I want to let that go as it goes. I just don't know how to get it up a level, without being the aggresive one. I think he doesn't put the major moves on because he either a.doesn't know if I want him to or b. he's just respecting the roommate factor, like I'm trying to do myself.

 

You all have no idea how much your listening means to me! I've been going in circles with this on LS for months now. So you know I'll be back with more! If anyone has a good idea as to how I can give him a green light, please enlighten me!!

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That was such a down moment for me last night. He came home not long after that, and just said he "hung out" after work (he DOES work in bar..doesn't drink though)..and said he never got my message. He said he thought for sure that he would beat me home...he expected I'd be out all night. But I came home early cuz the cops were thick around here for St. Pats Day so I surrendered after just a couple beers.

 

Just him coming home put me in a better mood. By then I already don't care if was with a girl or not anymore. So for like the 4th time in the last week, we are alone on the couch, tv on in the dark together. Also for the 2nd time he offered to get me some water. We were excited about a movie we'd been wanting to see. So we watched it and I fought falling asleep cuz it disappoints him when I do that! Like always we each stay on our end of the couch. We each have our own blanket. (sometimes we share one yet stay on opposite ends of the couch!)...he seems perfectly happy to be here with me. But just because he started this new thing of getting water for me and being sweet, I don't know if I should assume he's trying to win me over. I can't bring myself to just cuddle up to him on the couch, its like I need an invitation 1st. And I also dont' wanna bring up feelings and ruin perfectly good time together. Then of course, we say goodnight and each go to bed.

 

I know I am worthy, I just didn't feel that way at the moment last night. And your right that I need to settle down! Even if he is out on a date...its gotta mean something how much he likes to hang with me on the couch here lately. But like I said, can't bring myself to just throw "the talk" on him at anytime. I would rather just lay a big kiss on him. The roommate factor makes that seem like a big no-no though.

 

I just got paranoid last night I guess. Whatever's building between us, I want to let that go as it goes. I just don't know how to get it up a level, without being the aggresive one. I think he doesn't put the major moves on because he either a.doesn't know if I want him to or b. he's just respecting the roommate factor, like I'm trying to do myself.

 

You all have no idea how much your listening means to me! I've been going in circles with this on LS for months now. So you know I'll be back with more! If anyone has a good idea as to how I can give him a green light, please enlighten me!!

 

 

 

What are his interests, maybe you could find a way in that way...

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You all have no idea how much your listening means to me! I've been going in circles with this on LS for months now. So you know I'll be back with more! If anyone has a good idea as to how I can give him a green light, please enlighten me!!

 

Sweets, you're on the couch under a blanket watching movies with him - how hard is it to slide a little closer and let your leg touch his? Or to squeeze his hand during a scary part? Or lie back with your feet in his lap and have him give you a footrub. Or give him one? Or to let your eyes meet and hold until he can't help himself and kisses you?

 

You live with him - you can flirt with him and tease him and laugh with him and smile at him and compliment him and make him feel like he's Superman everyday. Do it!

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Trialbyfire
You live with him - you can flirt with him and tease him and laugh with him and smile at him and compliment him and make him feel like he's Superman everyday. Do it!

This is perfect. Think about yourself. What makes you fall for a guy? Of course it will be someone who makes you feel good about yourself AND is interested in you.

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Yes, like since he started offering me water everytime he's in the kitchen, like thats the sord of thing I like but I want more! And sometimes on the couch I do let my foot touch his leg or something like that, and he doesn't seem to care but he doesn't react to it either. We have occasional flirty one-liners. The other night, while on the couch, I placed my pillow right next to him so that my head was right next to him as well, but not touching him. I was hoping he'd say, "you know you can put your head here"....but he didn't, or doesn't. I try to wear things that flatter me, etc, even if its PJ's...when I get ready to go out I dress classy and sexy and I make sure that he sees! I've caught him checking me out but he's never said "You look good" or anything...I do compliment him a lot, mostly on how smart he is or how good he is at something...I rubbed his back a little after a long day at work..he made an "mmm" sound so I guess he didn't mind...but I didn't want to over do it so I only did it for a few seconds.

 

I've heard that guys have a rule, "don't let a girl know you like her"...I sometimes wonder if he goes by that. Cuz he never compliments me on my looks. But I can usually tell by his face expressions if he's impressed by something. I guess he's not the complimentary kind of guy...at least not in our situation..we've talked about going out for dinner a couple times, but our crazy schedules haven't allowed us yet...

 

I don't know why I can't bring myself to get closer to him on the couch...well probably because I need a for sure sign that he would like it before I did it. You know how men are, they freak out and think "oh god she must want a lot more from me"...I don't wanna freak him out...

 

I promise to try even harder!...I just hope he does too...

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Yes, like since he started offering me water everytime he's in the kitchen, like thats the sord of thing I like but I want more! And sometimes on the couch I do let my foot touch his leg or something like that, and he doesn't seem to care but he doesn't react to it either. We have occasional flirty one-liners. The other night, while on the couch, I placed my pillow right next to him so that my head was right next to him as well, but not touching him. I was hoping he'd say, "you know you can put your head here"....but he didn't, or doesn't. I try to wear things that flatter me, etc, even if its PJ's...when I get ready to go out I dress classy and sexy and I make sure that he sees! I've caught him checking me out but he's never said "You look good" or anything...I do compliment him a lot, mostly on how smart he is or how good he is at something...I rubbed his back a little after a long day at work..he made an "mmm" sound so I guess he didn't mind...but I didn't want to over do it so I only did it for a few seconds.

 

I've heard that guys have a rule, "don't let a girl know you like her"...I sometimes wonder if he goes by that. Cuz he never compliments me on my looks. But I can usually tell by his face expressions if he's impressed by something. I guess he's not the complimentary kind of guy...at least not in our situation..we've talked about going out for dinner a couple times, but our crazy schedules haven't allowed us yet...

 

I don't know why I can't bring myself to get closer to him on the couch...well probably because I need a for sure sign that he would like it before I did it. You know how men are, they freak out and think "oh god she must want a lot more from me"...I don't wanna freak him out...

 

I promise to try even harder!...I just hope he does too...

 

Exsqueeze me, but what seems to be the problem?

 

Yes, he fancies you and yes he hides it from you, that SOP for any boy with a lick of sense. Do as Norajane says, and if it doesn't work, I'll email you a brand new Rolls Royce.

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Exsqueeze me, but what seems to be the problem?

 

Yes, he fancies you and yes he hides it from you, that SOP for any boy with a lick of sense. Do as Norajane says, and if it doesn't work, I'll email you a brand new Rolls Royce.

 

 

A rolls royce? ;) what does SOP mean?

 

I get butterflies just thinking about it but I'm about to explode so I'll probably end up just attacking him one of these days...last night I had a dream that we kissed...it sucked to wake up and know it wasn't real!:(

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Standard Operating Procedure.

 

Trust me on this one. My mission in here is preaching to 'just friends'.

 

In a nutshell, guys behaving like your roomie are always in love with their tormentor, uh, female friend. Always. They always hide it, because girls never have romantic feelings towards 'just friends', and he doesn't want to ruin a friendship that he is hoping will turn into love. He displays all the signs in spades, believe me, this guy is very much in love with you.

 

You may wonder why he does not react when you put your head next to his, but that is normal pathology for a 'just friend' - he has lost all male orientation trying to pretend he doesn't love you, trying to act like a girl.

 

Now, he may be a bit dense about it, because he will be very afraid of doing something that will awaken your displeasure, but as soon as he understands that you will not be displeased by a little romance, everything will take care of itself.

 

I'm sure the girls here will be very delighted to advice you how to campaign him, but no matter how you proceed, there is absolutely no way, no way on Earth, that you can mess this up, it is utterly, 100% impossible.

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Standard Operating Procedure.

 

Trust me on this one. My mission in here is preaching to 'just friends'.

 

In a nutshell, guys behaving like your roomie are always in love with their tormentor, uh, female friend. Always. They always hide it, because girls never have romantic feelings towards 'just friends', and he doesn't want to ruin a friendship that he is hoping will turn into love. He displays all the signs in spades, believe me, this guy is very much in love with you.

 

You may wonder why he does not react when you put your head next to his, but that is normal pathology for a 'just friend' - he has lost all male orientation trying to pretend he doesn't love you, trying to act like a girl.

 

Now, he may be a bit dense about it, because he will be very afraid of doing something that will awaken your displeasure, but as soon as he understands that you will not be displeased by a little romance, everything will take care of itself.

 

I'm sure the girls here will be very delighted to advice you how to campaign him, but no matter how you proceed, there is absolutely no way, no way on Earth, that you can mess this up, it is utterly, 100% impossible.

 

Gosh Erik, thats the first time anyone has ever said he must be in love with me. I gasp at reading that...I want you to be right...you don't know him but you can tell just from what I say here? Maybe I just make it out to seem like he loves me because thats what I want to believe, ya know?

 

So basically he's just as afraid as I am? If I never make a move or say anything, would he eventually crack? Or would he keep hiding it? Is it up to me to make things happen?

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ERIK does not know what he is talking about. If a man had a female roommate and he was sexually interested in her then she would know for sure.

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OK; I don't know your roomie, but he's classical. I can understand your surprise.

 

Here's the canned gospel I usually give them, it changes a bit every time I post it, so it is not stricktly applicable to your case, but I trust you get the drift. Of course, in your case you should insert a happy ending. See if you recognise something.

 

She likes you as a friend. If you becomes her lover, she will loose a friend, she is not interested in that. You have know her for too long; in her head you are no longer love-potential. Basically you are sexless to her. If you test the waters, it will be awkward, and she will resent it but hide her resentment because she likes you. If you are lucky, she will break contact with you. If you are unlucky, she will forgive you your transgression and agree to keep seeing you under the condition that you know your place. Being in love with her, you will accept that. Occasionally you will try to make advances, you will be rebuffed. You will pursue her still, and because she likes you and for old times sake and because she pities you, she will keep seeing you and you will keep coming to her. For every advance, she will feel resentment and pity build inside her. You will quickly learn that you have to play the 'just friends' part to keep her from rebuffing you.

 

When things are back on track, she will be very happy, thinking you have come to your senses. But the love is still inside you, building with each rebuff and the close contact, and she will feel this love, only she mistakes it for a deeper, emotional bond, she will see you as a soulmate. All the attention and understanding you give her with will be addictive, she will not be able to let you go.

 

You will shower her with love, but she will have no obligation towards you. She will take a lover, and when he pisses on her, she will come to cry on your shoulder, telling you how much she loves him. You will be very happy about this, because in vain you will cling to the mistaken notion that sharing such stuff builds an emotional bond between you that will turn into love at some time. This will never happen. You will become her emasculated slave.

 

 

And for good measure, another post I have saved to my harddisk, written by a poster called Yamaha.

 

 

You accept being friends with women. You have accepted the conditions of friendship and have lost your edge. Women will not respect you as a man if you accept being a buddy so easily. The only women you should be friends with are those YOU are not interested in romantically.

 

You need to quit being such a nice guy, accepting their conditions as your only choice. When you do this women lose respect for you because you have not stood up for yourself. They will still be your buddy but they don't respect you as a man.

 

They will continue to be your friend as long as you let them run the show. Now if you don't mind being "just friends" with all these women and being used for your compassion and entertainment then continue as you have been but if you want a gf you must act like a bf. This means telling them of your interest and not accepting a just friendship. Now you can be friendly but don't be just friends. You may lose some buddies but this is what guy friends are for, not women.

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This, hopefully, should explain why he is afraid to show any romantic inclinations.

 

And Alphamale, don't be cute with the girl, let her do the right thing.

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Hm... I never had a roommate, true. I might be wrong about the Just Friend-psychosis, but you have little to lose anyway. Few men will resent a woman making a pass on him, no matter if they are interested or not. Most men will be flattered; if he turns you down, it will be awkward, but I doubt he will hold it against you, he will still be your friend.

 

And you may end up a Just Friend. :( Rarely happens to women, though.

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Hm... I never had a roommate, true. I might be wrong about the Just Friend-psychosis, but you have little to lose anyway. .

you forget one very impt thing my friend ERIK......that females are 100 times more perceptive and intuitive than men are. If he liked her then she would already know about it. Woman always know which man likes her.

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Most women are not aware that their Just Friend loves them. Or rather, they know he loves her, but as a friend, a soul mate.

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Most women are not aware that their Just Friend loves them. Or rather, they know he loves her, but as a friend, a soul mate.

what are you talking about? women knows everything around her

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