chryssy83 Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 I have a friend who is dealing with a hard relationship situation. He's been diagnosed with depression, and he wants my help. Problem is, that our working relationship and my relationship with a long distance boyfriend kind of make hanging out with this guy a lot inappropriate. I have told him to seek counseling. He did, and he is on antidepressants. I told him to find Valentine's plans--he took out a couple of single female friends for a fun night out. I told him to keep busy, and he's trying, he says. But the phone calls and text messages don't stop. Is there anything else I should do to help him?? Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 First off, I would hardly think that your relationship with this guy, based on what you describe here, is inappropriate. You don't seem to be treating him differently than you would treat a female friend, you're just being a friend and being there for him in a rough time. I wouldn't worry too much about that. As far as what to do for him, encourage him to go to counciling on a regular basis (I know you said he's been, didn't know if it was regularly). If he's calling and writing to you a lot then he has a lot of stuff he needs to get out so strongly encourage him to keep a journal. It really helps. You can also let him know in a kind way that you care about him and want to be his friend but he's leaning on you too much...it seems that's what you're getting at. Link to post Share on other sites
bones Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 It is very difficult to deal with someone who is depressed. On the other hand it is an awful thing to have and a support network is essential. show how much you want to help by purchasing him books on the topic. Read them yourself and pass them to him. Keep your discussions focused on the books and the path to betterment. It may be he's searching for you to acknowledge how difficult his situation is. Empathize with him and you may find the contacts slow down. If it is a true friend, try to be patient. I've suffered from depression and it is no fun. If it wasn't for my husband and his devotion to me, I don't think I'd be here right now. I know it wasn't easy for him--but he stood by my side and I will never be able to show enough appreciation to him for that. Depression is a difficult disease to understand. And a disease it is. No different than any other-- it requires treatment-- usually life-long. Because it is shrouded in negative stereotypical perception by many, there is litttle understanding about the facts among the general public. What can be most disconcerting is not having anyone that understands it. It sounds corny, but group therapy where I heard others talk about their issues was extremely therapeutic for me. It made me feel like I wasn't crazy and alone. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Just be his friend, go out with him give him a good time. It's not "inappropiate" at all, why would it be? Like someone said, treat him as you do your female friends... Link to post Share on other sites
Motor35 Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 People that are depressed need a great support team. Be it family or friends or their therapist. Sounds like you might not want to be bothered...? I don't mean to say it is your obligation to make everything ok. I just don't understand the inappropriateness comment...?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 I have a friend who is dealing with a hard relationship situation. He's been diagnosed with depression, and he wants my help. Problem is, that our working relationship and my relationship with a long distance boyfriend kind of make hanging out with this guy a lot inappropriate. I have told him to seek counseling. He did, and he is on antidepressants. I told him to find Valentine's plans--he took out a couple of single female friends for a fun night out. I told him to keep busy, and he's trying, he says. But the phone calls and text messages don't stop. Is there anything else I should do to help him?? Does he have a crush on you? People dealing with depression affects those around them negatively. If you're not careful, you're gonna be sucked into it. These folks are high maintenance; emotionally, that is. Let the professional folks deal with them. If you keep letting him come to you all the time, your b/f is not gonna like it. There is a line to be drawn even for the best of friends. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 People dealing with depression affects those around them negatively. If you're not careful, you're gonna be sucked into it. These folks are high maintenance; emotionally, that is. Let the professional folks deal with them. If you keep letting him come to you all the time, your b/f is not gonna like it. There is a line to be drawn even for the best of friends. Definately push your friend to get counselling. He needs it. Encourage him and BE POSITIVE. You can only do so much, and you don't wanna become the 'therapist' in the friendship, it's unhealthy and eventually you'll end up resenting him, as it will become a very one sided friendship too. I wonder too, does he have feelings for you? Link to post Share on other sites
seven Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 But the phone calls and text messages don't stop. Is there anything else I should do to help him?? There are non-profit organizations, such as Compeer (they have 80 locations worldwide) [http://www.compeer.org] that can be supportive friends for folks with depression, bipolar, schizophrenia -- those who have received mental health treatment of some sort. They are like life gap fillers ... therapists can be very helpful, but they see their clients in an office scenario; whereas, a volunteer from an organization such as this can be part of a person's everyday/weekly support. Another organization is National Alliance on Mental Health [http://www.nami.org] that have support groups and such. There are other orgs as well, just check your local yellow pages or do some googling. Link to post Share on other sites
Cheshire Cat Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 I have a friend who is dealing with a hard relationship situation. He's been diagnosed with depression, and he wants my help. Problem is, that our working relationship and my relationship with a long distance boyfriend kind of make hanging out with this guy a lot inappropriate. I have told him to seek counseling. He did, and he is on antidepressants. I told him to find Valentine's plans--he took out a couple of single female friends for a fun night out. I told him to keep busy, and he's trying, he says. But the phone calls and text messages don't stop. Is there anything else I should do to help him?? As someone who has suffered from, and is still suffering from depression, I think the best thing you could do is having a talk with your friend, telling him you are honestly very sorry about his situation and you wish you could help, but you can't hang out with him right now. In other words, let him know that you can't be there for him in the way he'd like you to be, but you have nothing personal against him. Nothing hurts a depressed person more than getting a "please get off my back" feeling from his friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 There appears to be some good suggestions all around. Allow professionals to take most of the heat but be there as much as possible unless he's fixating on you. If he's starting to get a little too close for comfort, I would sit him down and discuss it, explaining how much you think of him as a friend but only as a friend. Also, discuss this openly with your b/f so he can understand it too and there's no fallout if he happens to find out. No one enjoys being blindsided. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chryssy83 Posted February 28, 2007 Author Share Posted February 28, 2007 Okay, thanks for your help and advice, it is getting better from all sides. He has continued the counseling. My boyfriend has backed off a little, although he still gets annoyed when I get 10 texts a night from this kid. Also, the "inappropriate" thing is more about work stuff. I'm his teacher in a class I teach on the side. I don't think we're supposed to be close friends with any one student and this stuff is really personal. I have tried to bring other students into it. Like if he asks me to go eat with him I invite the whole class. People come, it usually works better. Mostly now it's just texting or calling at night with things like "when will this stop hurting" or "why did this have to happen to me?" I don't want it to seem like I just don't have the time or desire to mess with it--it's not that at all. He's just really needy and I don't know if he has a crush or not. There is a 7 year age difference and I'm 25. So basically he's a kid. I want him to be okay, and I don't mind being supportive but I feel like I have to respond every time or else he'll think I'm rejecting him somehow. Too much pressure. So should I tell him that I want him to get better but that it's too much? I have thought about suggesting that he send me emails instead, but maybe I'll suggest a journal or a private blog. That way he could get some of the feelings out without us having to talk. It's just that if he calls and I'm in one of the few times I get to spend with my bf it's hard to juggle. Link to post Share on other sites
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