"You see it everywhere, oooooh your friends turn into strangers"

[TurtlePower]

Sorry, had to put a KISS lyric into my subject line. Anyway, I see a potential problem amongst me and two of my good friends. I apologize for length, and I thank everyone ahead of time for any help. Ok, here we go. I will start by saying that I am really good friends with this girl and I am a guy, lets call her Clair to protect the guilty. Clair and I are for the most part best friends, we have known each other for about six years or so and we've been there for each other through the ups and downs, and we're totally platonic. There are quite a few people out there who believe that clair and I used to be more than friends or at least had a fling. Not true. We see each other as just friends and nothing more whatsover. Fast forward to about three years ago, Clair started to like this guy named Cliff. In the beginning, I really didnt care for cliff because it appeared he was just using her to get a "piece". Well, eventually Cliff broke her heart, and I had to be her shoulder to cry on as any best friend would do. But, that isnt the end of cliff, eventually, cliff and clair would get back together and they ultimately produced a kid. They are currently engaged now. I'd like to consider cliff one of my good friends now, he saw the error in his ways and now we're pretty tight. With that as preface to whats to come, heres whats bothering me.

 

A few months ago around her birthday, I was going through a list of ideas to get her, I settled for a nice leather computer chair because she always hinted she wanted one. Out of respect for cliff, I asked him if it was okay, he said it was fine and wondered why i even asked for permission in the first place. Cliff wound up getting her a dvd, she loved both gifts. Everything was fine until my birthday aaout two weeks later. Through the various network of spies aka my friends, I found out clair was dead set to rights to buy me a decent digital camera. Nothing too elaborate or too cheap. Cliff made a stink. Not quite understanding why clair and me buy each other such "Big" gifts, he goes through a temper tantrum. Accusing her of being unfaithful and her cheating on me. Everything came to a head on my birthday where clair was contemplating on breaking it off. But everything has since worked out or so i thought. Every now and then he makes little accusations if god forbid she fixes her hair a certain way or wears a certain outfit of if we go out to lunch. he thinks shes doing for my benefit.

 

And now, I asked clair if she wanted to go to a baseball game with a few other of our mutual friends. Her response, "well, i have to ask cliff first, because he might get mad if i go" Essentially asking for permission to go somewhere with a friend that shes known a lot longer than him. I shrug it off, but the more i started to think about it, the angrier I got. I just dont understand why all of a sudden she feels the need to ask for permission to do anything with me. It was never like that before at all. Which brings us to last week. Clair and I work together and we have a ritual where we alternate days where we bring in lunch for the other. But, cliff found out that she made me a turkey sandwich for lunch. He flips again over a turkey sandwich!!! I saw him the other day and he gave me the cold shoulder. I assume he still thinks something is goin on behind his back, but i dont know what clair and i have to do to show him that nothing is going on. I have a girlfriend that hes met and is aware of, but yet he still acts this way. Insecurity obviously is a problem for him, but clair isnt helping because shes letting him act this way by making excuses for him. I told her how i feel and she understands to some degree. I know if the tables were turned and my girlfriend acted that way towards her, clair would be the first to snap some sense into me. Well, my question is simple, what can/should I do? I'm not at all interested in losing a very good friend just because her boyfriend is super insecure for a 30 year old. Again, sorry for length. I just needed to vent.

[norajane]

He's plainly jealous and uncertain of your relationship with Clair. Now that they are engaged, he feels he has the right to make his feelings known and to take a stand.

 

There isn't anything you can do, except maybe have some double dates with your girlfriend and them. That might make him feel more comfortable - if he sees you with your gf often.

 

Otherwise, it's up to Clair to calm him and reassure him.

 

Keep in mind, a lot of people drift off from their friends once they are married. It happens to everyone, even when no one is jealous.

[Russian_donkey]

I would go with jealousy - He hasn't known Clair as long as you have, and i know from painful experiences that close friends of the opposite sex and relationships do NOT mix. If you can get in contact with him (not nexessarily direct) do so, and explain the situation and tell him to get OVER himself! As for the drifting process, its not fun, but it happens, maybe it's worth talking to her about that too. Thats my 2 pence worth.