Guest Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Hi all I have known my friend for over ten years and he was the first guy I fell in love with. I told him how I felt about six years ago, knowing that he did not feel the same way, and true enough he didn't. However, we remained friends, growing closer as the years have gone by. I found it very difficult to deal with initially. Even though I knew what his response would be, it hurt and it took a long time for me to deal with it. Over the past 2 years (more or less) things have taken a more intimate turn physically, and more so over the past six months. However, there has never been any mention on his part that he wanted a relationship, often saying in our many conversations that he is not ready to settle down or deal with commitment etc. Knowing this however, at the back of my mind I told myself that if he is doing the intimate stuff with me, he must like me as more than just a friend. Anyway, over the past month and a half things have been really strained. He came over but I said no to physical intimacy due to being in a lot of physical pain with my back and joints. He seemed moody for the night, and things haven't been the same since with me making most of the effort with keeping in touch. Anyway, I contacted him two days ago to ask how he was doing and what he had been up to, to check in and show i was making the effort. He then tells me in passing that he is dating someone from where he works. I was shell shocked, because apart from his distant behaviour, I had no other indication that he had 'moved on' from whatever it was that we had. I asked him if he still wanted my friendship and he said of course because he would need loads of advice on 'women and stuff' now that he is dating. I feel used and hurt, as irrational as that may seem. The pain I feel seems a whole lot worse than when I first told him I loved him all those years ago and I honestly don't know how to deal with it. I am disabled thus don't get out much to meet new people and am painfully shy anyway. I feel like that theres a big gap that I cant fill. My friend used to spend hours texting and talking to me and coming over etc but now that he is dating someone all that will change. Any suggestions or advice? Many thanks in advance JSB. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 I feel like that theres a big gap that I cant fill. My friend used to spend hours texting and talking to me and coming over etc but now that he is dating someone all that will change. This is like the relationship you have when you're not having a relationship. I'm sorry that you're feeling this pain. But you have "strung yourself" along for a long time now. He has made his feelings (if kind of indirectly - and insensitively) plain to you. You're just going to have to forget about him. I don't think preserving the "friendship" in its current form is going to help you at all. Time to explore other avenues in your life. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 I'm sorry that you're feeling this pain. But you have "strung yourself" along for a long time now. He has made his feelings (if kind of indirectly - and insensitively) plain to you. I think you are right. I have been my own worst enemy. Thanks for the advice JSB Link to post Share on other sites
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