Frustrated with Husbands lack of applications

[bab]

Well, we found out 1 month ago that my H is only going to be able to keep his job for 1 month after we move (which is the end of this week). In that months time, he's applied for, count them, 3 jobs. At least one of which he isn't at all qualified for, and one that he's only kinda qualified for. Gaaahhh!! We've got until the 30th of September till he isn't working. I've told him it bothers me that he hasn't submitted more applications, he SEEMS to acknowledge that he should do more, but then, nothing happens. I feel like a total nag.

 

He's even had friends ask how the job search is going, and he seems completely unphased at their reactions to his lack of applications. He's an optimist, and it's one of the things I love about him, except right now. He's so confident that it will be easy for him to find a job that he isn't putting in much effort.

 

A friend of ours checked into a job with his company in our new area and found one that he should apply to. That was a Friday, he said he'd apply to it on Monday (okay this is all done via the internet, so why it had to be done on a weekday, I have no idea), well that's not today, that was Monday a week ago. Has he applied? Noooooooo......

 

Maybe this should be in the rant section. Everytime I mention it to him I feel like a stereotypical naggy b**ch wife.

[superconductor]

He's probably in a bit of a state of shock. This is pretty common.

 

Are there any job finding clubs in your area? Often there are sponsored classes that get job-seekers together for both moral support and to learn - and practice - job search, resume writing and interview techniques.

 

And DON'T NAG. That's counter-productive. (But you already know that.)

[bab]

He's probably in a bit of a state of shock. This is pretty common.

 

Are there any job finding clubs in your area? Often there are sponsored classes that get job-seekers together for both moral support and to learn - and practice - job search, resume writing and interview techniques.

 

And DON'T NAG. That's counter-productive. (But you already know that.)

 

I have never heard of a job finding club. Interesting. If I already feel like I'm nagging when I say something about applying for jobs, how much more so if I found him a job finding club? I guess if he doesn't have any leads by the end of September.

[littlekitty]

O/T: I thought the thread was called 'frustrated with husbands lack of appliances'. I thought.... what, does he not have enough dishwashers or something...?!!

 

Back on Topic: Sometimes we get put in these frustrating positions where we have to nag our beloveds, even though we wish we didn't have to!!

 

It's a tough one. I don't suppose that ringing ads in the papers would help..! Could you assist him in joining an agency that would perhaps do some of the work to put him out there, and also push him to go to interviews?

 

Perhaps he's just waiting until the move is over?

 

A job club is a good idea, there should be one in most towns. Perhaps keep explaining why you are concerned as well as nagging. But it may also just be that nagging is required....!

[norajane]

Having just been what your husband is going through, I can tell you that he is thinking about it even though he doesn't seem to be. I can tell you that he is likely networking while he's at work, even though he might not be telling you about it. I can tell you the move is paramount in his head, but he knows he'll have a month after you move to be in the new city...and it is MUCH, much easier to look for a job in new city after you are already there.

 

What he needs from you right now is support - "I'm not worried, sweetheart. I know you'll find a job. You're good at what you do; any employer would be lucky to hire you. I know you will figure this out."

 

By nagging, you're eroding his confidence. You're giving him the impression that you don't think he knows what he's doing, or that he can't solve this problem, or that he's inadequate in your eyes...

 

Give him a chance to do his thing and work through this in his head. He might surprise you in the end.

[bab]

littlekitty- Hilarious! We are planning on buying some front loading washing machines when we move, and remodelling the kitchen this January, but I'm not to frustrated about that yet! :lmao:

 

He is just waiting until after the move, but I'm worried that that isn't enough time to get the type of job he wants.

 

I will try to be a bit more supportive, and not pull my hair out in the meantime. I guess it's just a difference of perception. I can't stand not knowing when my next paycheck is coming. Apparently this doesn't worry him.

[norajane]

Apparently this doesn't worry him.

 

Maybe it does, but you know how stong he-men don't like to let on...

[bab]

Maybe it does, but you know how stong he-men don't like to let on...

 

True, although I feel like I can generally read him. But maybe not. I guess there isn't much I can do but wait.

[littlekitty]

littlekitty- Hilarious! We are planning on buying some front loading washing machines when we move, and remodelling the kitchen this January, but I'm not to frustrated about that yet! :lmao:

 

He is just waiting until after the move, but I'm worried that that isn't enough time to get the type of job he wants.

 

I will try to be a bit more supportive, and not pull my hair out in the meantime. I guess it's just a difference of perception. I can't stand not knowing when my next paycheck is coming. Apparently this doesn't worry him.

 

I'll hold out for that thread then!!

 

I know how you feel. As much as I love my SO, he's stubbon in that he'll do things his way, in his own time, sometimes. And on those occasions there's not much I can do to push him where I want him to go!!

 

Hang on in there...!

[bab]

Well, I didn't do so well with the supportive thing. Everything came to a head last night. Neither of us are yellers (especially since we've got roommates) so it was very calm, but still tense. I did try and keep insterting the statement that I was sure he'd find a good job, it's just the timely manner thing that I'm concerned about. That was as supportive as I could muster in my frustration.

 

Turns out he has enough vacation to give him a paycheck until November. I thought his goal was to start at the beginning of October, but he's thinking he'll start in November. So, he understands somewhat of why I was freaking out. And I understand a bit better why he isn't as worked up about as I am. I still would be handling it differently if it was me, but we are different people.

 

We also talked alot about the fact that I felt like everytime I asked about it I was being a nasty person. Apparently, it's the tone I use that angers him, I guess he feels like he's being interrogated. He knows it stresses me out, so the current solution is for him to just volunteer daily updates. I of course agreed to this, but I doubt it will happen for more than one day and we'll go back to the status quo. I didn't mention this as I'm trying to give him the benifit of the doubt.

 

Well, that's my update. Maybe I'll let you know if and when he actually applies for another job!!

[sarme]

No amount of "nagging" will help him get any closer to finding another job, the only thing that will work is his own realisation that finding another job is NOT as easy as it may have appeared. Let him do what he needs to do, yes the urgency is pressing, no you cannot do the job finding for him.

No one likes to be nagged or pushed, especially not men and when it comes to their work. If he has a history of losing work then perhaps he needs to get professional help, otherwise be a supporting wife because though he will not ask for it that is what he really needs now, your bout of confidence that he will pull through. Losing a job is a very diffiult thing to deal with and he does not need to made to feel worse, be supportive and loving he really needs that right now.

[Outcast]

Bite your tongue if you have to. You need to get a handle on your stress and desire to control, which is what drives your frustration and anxiety. You do neither of you good by allowing it to take over.

[bab]

Bite your tongue if you have to. You need to get a handle on your stress and desire to control, which is what drives your frustration and anxiety. You do neither of you good by allowing it to take over.

 

I am definitely stressed out, but I wouldn't say I have a desire to control. Yes, in this one situation I am unhappy with how things have been handled, but for the most part I have no problem giving up control.

[hotgurl]

Well, I didn't do so well with the supportive thing. Everything came to a head last night. Neither of us are yellers (especially since we've got roommates) so it was very calm, but still tense. I did try and keep insterting the statement that I was sure he'd find a good job, it's just the timely manner thing that I'm concerned about. That was as supportive as I could muster in my frustration.

 

Turns out he has enough vacation to give him a paycheck until November. I thought his goal was to start at the beginning of October, but he's thinking he'll start in November. So, he understands somewhat of why I was freaking out. And I understand a bit better why he isn't as worked up about as I am. I still would be handling it differently if it was me, but we are different people.

 

We also talked alot about the fact that I felt like everytime I asked about it I was being a nasty person. Apparently, it's the tone I use that angers him, I guess he feels like he's being interrogated. He knows it stresses me out, so the current solution is for him to just volunteer daily updates. I of course agreed to this, but I doubt it will happen for more than one day and we'll go back to the status quo. I didn't mention this as I'm trying to give him the benifit of the doubt.

 

Well, that's my update. Maybe I'll let you know if and when he actually applies for another job!!

 

status quo sucks. I don't know about the job market where you guys live but it took my BF almost 6 months to find a job here. He works IT and he finally took a part time just to get work. It turned into a good full time job by that's a long time.

[bab]

Gaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! My H is talking to his mother on the phone. He just told her he saw a job online today that he wanted to apply for, but he got busy and didn't apply. I'd like to add here that during his "busy" working from home workday he watched 3 episodes of Sex in the City that we have on DVD.

[JCD]

Once you get to your new place, tell him to get off his butt, run down to nearest businesses and start begging for jobs. Tell him that while he has this job he can be looking for his dream job at the same time. Tell him that interim ANY job will do ie. cashier or person taking wares from truck and putting them into shelves in Target, whatever. He is procrastinating and the longer he does that the less he will want to work and the more he will be insecure about working at new job.