Tips for Crisis Worker?

[CantCutitOff]

Hello all-

 

I'm a young, single professional w/ a graduate degree working in a social services-type profession. My day-to-day job includes working with domestic violence victims, molested children, family members of murder victims, people who have been robbed at gunpoint... the list goes on and on.

 

I've been there already longer than I thought I would -- I've been able to separate myself enough in most cases --- and I actually love the job. I enjoy helping people, I have a great boss, and I get to use my education & training in a different way every day. (although it could pay a little more...). The job also initially made me appreciate various situations in my own life as well...

 

My problem is this: I think that being emersed in these types of crises and dysfunctional situations have begun to really screw with my perception of "what is normal" and "what is acceptable" -- and I'm beginning to see it affecting my personal relationships.

 

Two examples:

1) I used to thing really highly of the whole concept of marriage -- and could always thing of settling down & raising a family. That was until I started dealing with a different Domestic Violence or parental sexual assault case... now I question whether marriage is worth it ( I know - that's a topic for another forum).

 

2) I'm feel as though I'm losing my ability to be a "sympathetic ear" for my friends -- when they come to me upset with something like "he didn't call me today"... I previously would've offered comfort no matter how menial I thought the concern was. Now, I am like "There are people with real problems in the world." I don't necessarily want to have that reaction - but by the time I think about what I'm saying in those types of situations, the harm is done.

 

Does anyone out there in a similar job have any suggestions for ways to help work affect my personal life? I know the obvious answer is a career change... but I really love the work that I do.

[Curmudgeon]

You're falling into a common trap for those in the "helping" professions. After dealing with abnormalities all day, every day, you begin to see them as the norm instead of the aberrations they really are.

 

You have to pace yourself emotionally and not absorb and take-on the problems of others to the detriment of your friendships and relationships. Your job is to help, not to become personally or emotionally involved and fall victim to transference. If you can't do that and remain centered and balanced, you're in the wrong line of work and it will burn you out and make you ineffectual.

[seven]

Hi CantCutItOff -- just wondered if the agency you are employed for offers a support network right there at work? I had taken a human services college course not so long ago and was under the impression that high stress areas, such as yours, had group get togethers to discuss workloads, stresses, etc. If not, what about talking with your boss for some advice? -- he/she may have gone through the same thing you are right now. Maybe you just need to talk things out before you leave work, so you can literally leave it at work--like a mental switch. It's very true though, personal boundaries are so important in your line of work and in life in general. I give you much credit for being honest with yourself and addressing your own feelings.

[CantCutitOff]

Unfortunately, there's no support group or network at work. We're a fairly small agency in a rapidly growing community. I've talked to my boss about things, and she has proved helpful at times -- but we have fairly different personalities. I've also started going to a counselor to sort out various issues in my life... although we haven't talked a whole lot about work yet. We'll see how that goes.

 

A mental switch is what I'm looking for... I guess maybe I was hoping someone would have one of those count to ten type of things that work for them?

[seven]

Re-reading your initial post again … as far being a sympathetic ear to your friends, perhaps they are depending on you to “counsel” them? Or maybe you’re taking it upon yourself to act as their counselor instead of a friendly ear? Can you say something like, I’m having a hard time letting things at work go right now and just need some down time and to switch gears.

 

As far as marriage and raising a family … domestic violence and abuse is never normal or acceptable and you know all the warning signs [if you’re concerned about it happening to you]. You also have your education behind you, should you continue to or ever need to support yourself. You seem to be quite self aware and open to making changes.

 

Perhaps you can investigate changing what field of helping you’re in but still be a helping professional?

 

 

I don’t know that these qualify as mental switches, but maybe will help somewhat:

• Music … do you have some favorite songs that lift your spirits that you could put on a cd or in an ipod and play at work or on your way home from work?
  
• Perhaps a personal mantra would help. Something you could repeat to yourself, like the serenity prayer. Spirituality in general may help as well.
  
• Is there something (a picture, screensaver, desk calendar) that makes you laugh that you can have accessible during the day?
  
• And I’m sure you know the standards: exercise, eat well, sleep enough, take breaks and time off, hobbies, etc.
  

 

Good luck with the counseling … you’re wise to talk things out.

 

And just thought I’d share this poem – your thread brought it to mind and it’s a favorite of mine:

 

The Sixth of January

by David Budbill

 

The cat sits on the back of the sofa looking

out the window through the softly falling snow

at the last bit of gray light.

 

I can’t say the sun is going down.

We haven’t seen the sun for two months.

Who cares?

 

I am sitting in the blue chair listening to this stillness.

The only sound: the occasional gurgle of tea

coming out of the pot and into the cup.

 

How can this be?

Such calm, such peace, such solitude

in this world of woe.

[a4a]

Curmudgeon is correct.

 

 

How long have you been doing this?

 

I see a cycle that happens in the "helping field"

 

I will do my best to dig up the paper on it and share it with you.

 

I find it helpful to concentrate on the good parts of my job and only allow the positive things into my emotional self.