Co-Worker is a Sloppy Dresser

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

I work in a professional, dress-formal office. But there is one administrative co-worker who just doesn't seem to "get it". She has a lot of contact with customers and she should present a professional image. However, most days she shows up with her hair a crazy mess and no make-up. Her "comfortable shoes are not of the career variety and they are usually dirty and worn out. Her clothing is worn, outdated, wrinkled, ill-fitting and lean toward a relaxed rather than tailored fit. She looks like a dowdy, frumpy, worn-out woman. And don't even get me started about how she usually only has tragic things to talk about. I often wonder if her image is a reflection of her mental state and low self-esteem. Anyway, I'm not sure that anyone in our office, including management, knows how to approach this topic with her for fear that she will fall to pieces. Any advice?

[Becoming]

I work in a professional, dress-formal office. But there is one administrative co-worker who just doesn't seem to "get it". She has a lot of contact with customers and she should present a professional image. However, most days she shows up with her hair a crazy mess and no make-up. Her "comfortable shoes are not of the career variety and they are usually dirty and worn out. Her clothing is worn, outdated, wrinkled, ill-fitting and lean toward a relaxed rather than tailored fit. She looks like a dowdy, frumpy, worn-out woman. And don't even get me started about how she usually only has tragic things to talk about. I often wonder if her image is a reflection of her mental state and low self-esteem. Anyway, I'm not sure that anyone in our office, including management, knows how to approach this topic with her for fear that she will fall to pieces. Any advice?

 

How long has she been there? Is there a dress code published and given to employees or is it "ya should know" kind of thing? Does she make enough money to dress well or is she paying for her mother's cancer treatments or something?

[Outcast]

It's up to your managers to explain the dress code to new employees. If they haven't the cojones, it's not your problem.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

How long has she been there? Is there a dress code published and given to employees or is it "ya should know" kind of thing? Does she make enough money to dress well or is she paying for her mother's cancer treatments or something?

 

It's definitely a "ya should know" thing. She's actually quite well-to-do...so no excuse there.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

It's up to your managers to explain the dress code to new employees. If they haven't the cojones, it's not your problem.

 

It is my problem, in the sense that everyone is a reflection of the company, and we all have an interest in making the company successful.

[Art_Critic]

If you are not her boss or over her head then you are butting in where it's none of your business.

You talking about a matter of taste.. You don't know her lifestyle.. maybe she can't afford new clothes ..

 

IF there is a written dress code then her boss or manager can take that up with her.. IF they think it is necesary..

 

Just because you work in a company doesn't mean that there isn't a tier of power and responsibility that you should follow.. You would be over stepping your bounds if you take this on as your own deal to fix

[Bogun]

I say good on her for not succumbing to the corporate world and becoming one more office drone. If it was such a big problem then I'm sure one of the senior people would have said something to her.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

I am one of the senior people. However, I am not her direct manager. Unfortunately her manager is not one who is likely to address the issue. I know I am not the only one in the firm who is concerned about her lack of professionalism.

[Art_Critic]

I am one of the senior people. However, I am not her direct manager. Unfortunately her manager is not one who is likely to address the issue. I know I am not the only one in the firm who is concerned about her lack of professionalism.

 

The only thing you can do is talk to her manager or let it go..

 

You can't over step your authority on a dress issue.. you would look like a trouble maker.. If the issue was of major importance then you could press the issue.. But it isn't......

 

But again.. her lack of professionalism is for her boss to deal with.. not you.. your not the boss

[Becoming]

You could nominate her for the TV show What Not to Wear, and she'd get a makeover and a $5000 wardrobe.

[curiousnycgirl]

Is there an HR professional to take care of this issue? They would know all the right buzz words and approach.

 

Barring that - how did you become the one who would have to take care of it? Are you the office manager where she would theoretically have a dotted line into you?

 

You don't sound as if you are necessarily friendly with this woman, so you can't approach it that way. If you are neither of the two options above, then I say you will not be well received if you try to take care of the "problem."

 

If you feel she is in a position that will reduce or hinder the company's revenue stream - then speak with her manager about things like that - something that has a bottom line impact.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Is there an HR professional to take care of this issue? They would know all the right buzz words and approach.

 

I wish. No. Not really.

 

Barring that - how did you become the one who would have to take care of it? Are you the office manager where she would theoretically have a dotted line into you?

 

I'm not the one who has to solve the problem, but like I said...it's a direct reflection on the rest of the employees when one sticks out like such a sore thumb in front of current and potential clients.

 

You don't sound as if you are necessarily friendly with this woman, so you can't approach it that way. If you are neither of the two options above, then I say you will not be well received if you try to take care of the "problem."

 

Believe me, I'm not the only one who finds her terribly irritating. But everyone is too kind to say anything to her. And you're right, I'm sure it would not be well received. She'd probably start crying or something equally pathetic.

 

If you feel she is in a position that will reduce or hinder the company's revenue stream - then speak with her manager about things like that - something that has a bottom line impact.

 

I think she is. And luckily, I have some allies who have discussed this with management in a group setting. But no action has been taken that I am aware of, and so the problem continues.

[Art_Critic]

But no action has been taken that I am aware of, and so the problem continues.

 

Then upper management does not consider it a problem....

 

your shoveling sand against the tide and starting to show a personal slant to this..

Do you have an ax to grind ??

 

It isn't your company to be making decisons on whether she adversly affects business..

It point blank is just none of your business and your going to look bad if you go after this woman.. in fact you will look petty and small.

and your superiors may look down on you because they don't want someone with such a narrow mind in the company.. it might look bad for the company to have someone with your views about people.

 

Just my opinion.. which has changed some as you post more about it..

[Outcast]

I believe we have the answer here:

 

Believe me, I'm not the only one who finds her terribly irritating.

[loony]

I'm not the one who has to solve the problem, but like I said...it's a direct reflection on the rest of the employees when one sticks out like such a sore thumb in front of current and potential clients.

People often hide behind an appeal to authority or an alleged threat to the collective benefit when all they're doing is trying to fight a personal war with someone else. It's when the chicks are bored in the office and need a scapegoat for their miserable private and professional life. That's when they go after the weakest link in the chain. I guess, another term for this is 'mobbing'.

 

Believe me, I'm not the only one who finds her terribly irritating. But everyone is too kind to say anything to her. And you're right, I'm sure it would not be well received. She'd probably start crying or something equally pathetic.

If you call her 'pathetic', then you're certainly not 'kind'. In what other way is she irritating? If she's doing her job well and is an amiable co-worker, then her dress style should not cause such great irritation. If you are able to work yourself up because of her dress style, then I rather assume you have a personal problem with yourself that you're projecting on her.

[a4a]

Where is empathy when you need it?

 

Perhaps the boss does know this lady is having difficult times? Perhaps she is responsible for more than herself financially?

 

As for telling a female employee that they should wear makeup........ PLEEZE!

That is complete BS! Not every woman wants to glob chemicals all over her face and smear bacteria all over her eyelashes with a mascara brush.

 

Better to make a rule that all female employees must wear padded push up bras and only wear low cut neck line frocks

 

a4a monkey see, monkey fling doo doo

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Where is empathy when you need it?

 

Perhaps the boss does know this lady is having difficult times? Perhaps she is responsible for more than herself financially?

 

As for telling a female employee that they should wear makeup........ PLEEZE!

That is complete BS! Not every woman wants to glob chemicals all over her face and smear bacteria all over her eyelashes with a mascara brush.

 

Better to make a rule that all female employees must wear padded push up bras and only wear low cut neck line frocks

 

a4a monkey see, monkey fling doo doo

 

I never said she HAD to wear makeup. What I was referring to is her overall image and that she puts very little effort into looking presentable. I know plenty of women who don't wear makeup and still maintain a professional image.

 

As for others here who imply that I have some sort of personal issue with her... I absolutely do not.

[JayKay]

There's really no way to know what sort of circumstances this lady is dealing with.

 

Even 'well off' people sometimes find themselves in financial binds. It is possible she doesn't have the money for a nice wardrobe.

 

It may also be possible that she has terribly low self esteem and doesn't take good care of herself.

 

You are treading a fine line here between professional expectations and personal opinion.

The fact that you find her 'irritating' also makes it more likely that you would let fewer things 'slide' with her than you might with others.

 

Are you sure no other employees ever show up with wrinkled shirts, untucked blouses, hairs out of place or ill-fitting clothes?

 

One way to handle it may be to have an employee meeting where various corporate policies are covered and discussed. Then make time to specifically cover the dress code.

State specifically that violations of dress code will result in disciplinary measures and then make sure you follow through on that with EVERYONE.

[SmoochieFace]

Wow, this thread has me being thankful that I work in an office that doesn't have any *dress code* except for the *obvious* - such as not wearing shorts, tank tops, or thongs.

 

This sounds more like a personal beef than anything. True, the woman in question may have a *frumpy look* but it seems to not be an issue with upper level management. Perhaps they see her skills and accomplishments as being more important than projecting a certain image?

 

To the OP: if you are not her boss then stay out of it. Do not allow any personal bias to seep into this if that is what you are doing. It is an issue for management - and it seems that to them there is no issue.

 

I'm a jeans and shirt guy and if people don't like it they had better tell me - not that I'd give a *beep* about what they think anyway. Whispering *beep* behind my back and other forms of gossip are signs of cowardice.

[Lil Honey]

I get the impression that although the OP says this woman is "well-off," the co-worker is still lower in rank in the company. I'm thinking that "well-off" may be equivalent to "gets paid enough," which we all know depends on her circumstances.

 

She could have had some financial problems that this job is helping her to work out of. I can relate because my daughter's first day at an excellent job was yesterday. She has to wear suits and so she had to buy some, which only added to her financial stress, but this job will help her get back on her own two feet.

 

Now, as far as looking frumpy, blah, blah, blah. She could be depressed or have some other problems. That doesn't make her less of a person or less valuable.

 

At the very moment, I am 45 and feel like my 81 year old mother. I have Hashimoto's. I don't tolerate the cold well and my joints hurt during the day and all night, so it's difficult for me to sleep. Sometimes 1000mg of acetaminophen doesn't even touch it. I've gone from loving high heels to wearing low heels, if not sneakers, because I broke my foot and sprained my ankle. I'm terrified that I'll mess my leg up for good if something else happens to it. So, I for one, am not of the mind that a person can turn off and on their self-esteem. I certainly am not the person I want to be.

 

I think that if this woman is dressed in clean clothes and has her body parts covered, she should be cut a little slack. Also, it should depend on what her job duties are. If she is out running errands, working on moving files, etc., she should be given the latitude to dress for the task. If there is a dress code, such as wearing a suit, then it should be reviewed during a meeting.

 

Oh, and one more thing . . . the OP's definition of dressing well and dressing "frumpy" can be different than the co-worker's definition. There is a teacher in our school system who is in her late 40's and wears skirts that just cover her coochy, yet she might think that wearing a longer skirt would be frumpy. At the same time, my definition of her short skirt is . . . "desperate."

 

Maybe someone could befriend her, talk about clothes in store ads and magazines, find out if she just doesn't make it a priority or if she just doesn't know HOW to buy flattering things.

[SmoochieFace]

Maybe someone could befriend her, talk about clothes in store ads and magazines, find out if she just doesn't make it a priority or if she just doesn't know HOW to buy flattering things...

 

...instead of being judgmental and lacking in empathy.

 

Sorry, LH, just had to add a lil Smoochie touch to your post!

[Lil Honey]

SF: Not a problem.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

When she brings issues to the office you can kindly say "sorry I don't need to hear anything negative today" and walk away from the conversation.

 

As for the wardrobe issue, it's hard for some people to put an outfit together with what they've got. It's hard to find time to go shopping if you have a family to take care of.

 

Maybe she feels down on herself because her outfits don't measure up, or maybe her outfits are a reflection of her mood. It's hard to say, but if it is your place to initiate some changes where she's concerned then you have your work cut out for you...tread carefully however.

 

She may appreciate subtle suggestions, such as telling her how a certain inexpensive accessory would really dress up that sweater, or something like that. Or comment on how you saw some really comfortable but trendy/professional shoes that would go perfect with ...whatever...make it an "in-office what-not-to-wear" type of fun conversation.

 

I've also heard of women getting together with all their clothes that they don't wear anymore and having a clothing exchange party. It helps if someone else is or was the same size.

 

Maybe she just doesn't care, and if that's the case, someone mentioned earlier she needs to be informed that her appearance affects the company's bottom line....bottom line.

[Lil Honey]

Maybe she feels down on herself because her outfits don't measure up, or maybe her outfits are a reflection of her mood.

Your point makes me think that she might feel down, because others in the office are looking down at her. There is a superiority complex vs a inferiority complex at work (no pun intended).

 

She may appreciate subtle suggestions, such as telling her how a certain inexpensive accessory would really dress up that sweater, or something like that.

Or telling her a compliment the way she already IS so that she can feel good about herself. By someone complimenting her on something specific, I would think she would go home and attempt to duplicate the good feelings that she had from the compliment.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

There is definite proof that this person can afford a professional wardrobe. Heck, there are some great deals on beautiful clothing to be found in consignment shops and thrift stores, and many of my own stuff comes from second-hand stores. Money isn't the issue here, nor does she have a lot of demands for her time. She spends a lot of time discussing her personal life, so I have some insight about what her situation is.

 

She is a good worker and does her job well....however, I do think that presenting a professional image is a large part of her job, and that is where is really lacking. The more I reflect on the situation, the more it seems to be an issue of lack of self-esteem. She does seem to thrive on discussing negative or "downer" topics. People that are that negative often feel bad about themselves. It's also evident in her posture as well. Trust me, you'd have to see it to understand.

 

People at work do try to compliment her when she does wear something more appropriate...to emphasize the positive and steer her in the right direction. But I'm afraid it hasn't had any impact. That's why it feels like we've hit a brick wall on the issue.