Should I apply to this job?

[ShiningMoon]

Hi all,

 

I'm currently at a crossroads and I need some advice.

 

I recently resigned from my current job to pursue another opportunity. The team I work with overseas and visit a few times a year was shocked by my decision to leave the organization.

 

In a previous post, I had spoken about this higher up I didn't get along with before. Things have progressed and we got to know each other after those issues we had (which I believe were ultimately a result of him taking my rejection to go out for drinks as a personal rejection). I really like him now and have since developed our business partnership further. We have a lot in common and we actually understand each other.

 

However, about 3 weeks after I resigned, he presented me with a job opportunity in his office. He contacted the head of the concerned department to recommend me and asked me to apply. He said I should apply and he will follow up for me to get the job. According to him, I am a perfect fit and this could be the best next step for my career. We spoke about it and he knows I'm hesitant because that would require me to move. He thinks I should not stay where I am and should move. He's been insisting quite a bit. He doesn't understand why I want to stay in my current city (I don't have children/a mortgage or a partner).

 

Although he thinks I perfectly qualify, I wonder what his actual intentions are. If I am to turn it down, he's probably going to be offended and this might kill any chances at a personal relationship or a future job there. I'm also not 100% this is where I want to live.

 

What should I do?

 

Thanks.

[preraph]

Sounds like he's just still trying to get in your pants. If you resigned to pursue an other opportunity, as you said, then pursue THAT opportunity, not this, which is likely to end badly at some point. You can still be friends with him, but he wants more.

[ShiningMoon]

Sounds like he's just still trying to get in your pants. If you resigned to pursue an other opportunity, as you said, then pursue THAT opportunity, not this, which is likely to end badly at some point. You can still be friends with him, but he wants more.

 

Truth be told, I want more too. Work has held me back from pursuing him because it's not a good look to date someone who works with you, especially if there's a level different between the two (he's much higher up that I am).

 

It is part of the very many reasons why I was happy to leave the company altogether. I thought leaving would perhaps open doors for us to meet outside of this environment and maybe develop something more than just a business partnership.

 

Although we won't be working "together" anymore, we'll be in the same office at all times, which may make the situation even more tricky.

[preraph]

Then why even consider working with him again? I think one thing you are going to face at some point is he wants someone working around him so he can flirt with them and more without bringing them into his personal life. There's lots of guys like this. Is he married? Have you asked if he's got a girlfriend? Again, if you work with him, it's not going to end well. So if you want a new job, pursue the other job. If you want to date him, get the other job and then date him if he will.

[ShiningMoon]

Then why even consider working with him again? I think one thing you are going to face at some point is he wants someone working around him so he can flirt with them and more without bringing them into his personal life. There's lots of guys like this. Is he married? Have you asked if he's got a girlfriend? Again, if you work with him, it's not going to end well. So if you want a new job, pursue the other job. If you want to date him, get the other job and then date him if he will.

 

He actually told me he was divorced when we first met three years ago. He got divorced then. I am not entirely sure as to what his current status is as he was seeing someone that he broke up with, then they got back together a few months ago, but I don't know what's going on now. Obviously, if he's not single, then I won't be pursuing anything regardless of whether we work together or not.

 

 

I was also thinking about the part where he could just want someone to flirt with at work. Then again, we can flirt without having me physically work in his office. I mean there's a bit of "flirting" going on right now I presume, but I'm not physically sitting in his office. He actually called me to say: "Pursue this opportunity, move here, and find a nice place to live in". He obviously acknowledged this requires uprooting my entire life.

Edited April 13, 2019 by ShiningMoon

[Mr. Lucky]

He might simply be more valuable as a networking source and job link than as a potential relationship partner. No problem working with him as long as you direct your romantic intentions elsewhere...

 

Mr. Lucky

[CC12]

If I am to turn it down, he's probably going to be offended and this might kill any chances at a personal relationship or a future job there.

 

Do you believe that he is vindictive enough to ruin your future professional options if you say no? If so, that's really unfortunate and he sounds like a bad person to be professionally involved with. Maybe it's for the best that you've moved on.

 

Anyway, if you're looking for a way to "let him down" gently, tell him that you've committed to your new job and you wouldn't want to put them in a bad spot by up and leaving, and that you're challenging yourself and trying to make the best moves for your personal life and career.

[ShiningMoon]

Do you believe that he is vindictive enough to ruin your future professional options if you say no? If so, that's really unfortunate and he sounds like a bad person to be professionally involved with. Maybe it's for the best that you've moved on.

 

Anyway, if you're looking for a way to "let him down" gently, tell him that you've committed to your new job and you wouldn't want to put them in a bad spot by up and leaving, and that you're challenging yourself and trying to make the best moves for your personal life and career.

 

It can go either way with him. I've seen how he behaved when I declined his offers to go out for drinks, so I cannot anticipate anything.

 

This last piece.

 

He sent me an email saying: "I truly believe this is the best next step for your career". I explained to him what my new job is about and he said the position he's trying to sell me is much better.

 

The position at the new company is not exactly in line with what I've done in the past at all. I'm sort of going blindly into this one. However, it's a good company and the benefits are great, so I thought it may propel my career to a different level.

 

The position he's trying to sell me is definitely more in line with my background and I know I'd be good at it. The thing is I will need to relocate and although I flirted with the idea of relocating there for a while in the past year, I'm not sure this is the right move now.

 

I think it's a case of hit or miss. If I say no to his position and subsequently find out my new position is not a fit, I won't be able to move backwards. I thought I'd discuss with the hiring manager, advsie them I'm leaving and let them make the decision.

 

I would still like to keep the door open in case the new job doesn't work out.

 

As far as the personal feelings go, we've worked together for 3 years (though not in the same office) and I never let anything transpire. I guess it was easy as I'd see him a few times a year. Working in the same office is a different situation.