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Should I quit my new job after 3 months? I like the job, but I don't like my boss


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Old 8th April 2019, 4:28 PM   #16
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It's obvious that you are doing the right thing re: the flip flopping feedback. That would be extremely frustrating & does make your boss a bad manager. If job hopping isn't a negative in your industry, don't worry about it but still have something else lined up before you quit.
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Old 8th April 2019, 4:35 PM   #17
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If job hopping isn't a negative in your industry, don't worry about it but still have something else lined up before you quit.
Industry considerations aside, you should consider whether job-hopping is a personal negative also. Longevity (within reason) can bring a number of positives ranging from financial to career development and unique opportunities...

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Old 8th April 2019, 10:54 PM   #18
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P.S. - I work in tech. Jumping into a new job in my field and in my area is veryyy common. Matter of fact, in the company I work for, they're many people who have left after 5-10 months here (due to miscellaneous reasons).

Exactly. No longer do people stay on jobs for years and years anymore.

I am currently being recruited for a tech job and they outright told me that in this position, people typically stay for 2 years and then leave for someplace else, and they are okay with that (even though they think it's great if an employee would like to stay).

One of my friends has a 20 year career in her industry and has changed jobs on average every 2-3 years! She never has a shortage of companies trying to recruit her.

https://www.thebalancecareers.com/ho...e-jobs-2060467
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Old 8th April 2019, 11:02 PM   #19
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I think this depends on the company. In my previous company, the bosses evaluated us but we were not able to offer feedback to them. And if you complained about the higher ups, then you risked getting blacklisted and treated worse. Typical office politics. I was one of the ones that said nothing and left lol.

I'm not sure how things are in my current company, but we'll see.

They will never look out for you the way you will look out for yourself. Remember that. If you died, your job would be posted before your obituary. That's the truth.
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Old 9th April 2019, 10:32 AM   #20
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With a new manager without managerial skill, sometimes you'll find they feel they have to be the foremost expert in the room on everything and they take an employee knowing more than them as a threat. They will tell you to do A, B and C, then when it is wrong, behind close doors blame you completely. Even with emails, documentation etc., higher-ups seem to pan those and not want to deal with it.


You'll come up with a great idea you are proud of to have it completely dismissed, only to have it come up as their idea 6 months later in a meeting. They are adept at throwing people under the bus to make themselves look infallible and make you look like an idiot, in a way they know won't really get back to you because if it did, you'd be able to easily refute it. They build a bad reputation for you behind closed doors you'll never know about so they can call on it when they need to make themselves look good or deflect criticism. If their boss calls out an error that's 100% their fault, they'll say, "I think I know what happened. I'll talk to the team and make sure it never happens again. I'll handle it, you don't need to worry yourself with it", basically insinuate it was someone else without saying it directly.


You'll find they will hire a new employees and prop the new employees up until they become competent enough and can challenge the manager in knowledge. They'll turn on that employee too at that point.


If I had to guess, HR met with OP because the manager is saying things to make OP look bad and HR probably had other reports that OP is actually doing a great job. HR is trying to figure out what is going on, but at the end of the day will likely just pan it and support the manager. They get confused why OPs manager says he is doing a bad job, but the manager's boss says OP is doing a great job. I would bet it was an exploratory, what's really going on, meeting that HR set up because of mixed signals.


You can't win in this situation because there will be projects you aren't even on where you'll be blamed for problems behind closed doors. There will be direct commands from the manager that will be completely wrong, that will become, "I don't know why OP would have done that..." behind closed doors. 6 months or a year down the road you'll get a lecture and when you ask why you are being lectured on something you have done successfully and received accolades for multiple times in the past, you'll be told something like, "Well last year this project was messed up and I heard it was you...". You pull out the emails and documentation to prove it wasn't you and maybe you'll be let off the hook but the situation will be panned. If you try too hard to justify things, HR will kind of throw their hands up and say, "well, I don't know"...and continue to back the manager or assume you have an axe to grind and just don't like the manager.


It comes down to her needing to keep OP in check and let her bosses know that she is the best manager and the end all be all. She feels making her staff look bad will make her look good by comparison and makes it look like the projects only work because she fixes all the other's mistakes. It's the tactic of a manager that is threatened by subordinate's success. What's difficult is if OP stays, OPs reputation gets damaged a lot over time. Things get leaked to other employees, clients, prospective future employers...behind OPs back. When the claims come to the surface, it is usually well past the time to be able to defend yourself. She likely feels that if OP shines in one area, she'll be found as a fraud or won't be the most crucial employee and is threatened by it. That's why she has to keep OP in his place by making sure, no matter what, OPs graphs or power points are always wrong the first time.


Every project you work on will be her telling you to do A and B, then blaming you for doing A and B. It gets old and gets worse as you become more of a threat to their sense of being the expert of everything. It's one thing if you are already proven and people know how good you are as they'll know better and dismiss a lot of the complaints. It's another for someone new that nobody knows. It's real easy to get a reputation that you are 'terrible at Powerpoint' at the same time every Powerpoint presentation you create is praised by everyone. She'll take credit for that behind closed doors too.


Look for another job. When you get it, feel free to let HR know why you are leaving but expect by then you won't care too much and they probably won't care that much either. Anything you say and have documented, she will have an answer or deflection for.
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Old 9th April 2019, 12:23 PM   #21
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Wow, reading the above, I’m so glad I have the manager I have. He will throw himself under the bus on behalf of his team. For instance, I was one time in a meeting room, and my manager and the ceo were both also in the room (and several others). The ceo asks why xyz hasn’t been taken care of (something I forgot), and my manager looks him dead in the eye and says, “that was my fault.” He didn’t even flinch. I was standing two feet away, and he could’ve easily pointed his finger at me and (rightly) blamed me. But no. He’s told me before that he adopts a “total ownership” mindset for his team, and when we make mistakes, it’s his responsibility. It’s a real comfort working for someone who you know is actively trying to help you succeed.
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Old 9th April 2019, 3:46 PM   #22
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Exactly. No longer do people stay on jobs for years and years anymore.

I am currently being recruited for a tech job and they outright told me that in this position, people typically stay for 2 years and then leave for someplace else, and they are okay with that (even though they think it's great if an employee would like to stay).

One of my friends has a 20 year career in her industry and has changed jobs on average every 2-3 years! She never has a shortage of companies trying to recruit her.

https://www.thebalancecareers.com/ho...e-jobs-2060467
Before I left my last job, almost every senior person told me that one of their regrets in their career was not job hopping and staying in a job for a long period of time. They believed that if they had switched jobs here and there, their income would be much higher than it is currently (especially since most jobs only give you a 3% raise each year).
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Old 9th April 2019, 4:10 PM   #23
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You'll come up with a great idea you are proud of to have it completely dismissed, only to have it come up as their idea 6 months later in a meeting.
Haha this has already happened, in two separate occasions. First, they're previous reports that I've created and due to circumstances (training/vacation that was planned before I got the job) she had sent them out. But instead of giving me credit, she would say "I did this..." or "I did that...". A second incident occurred where she told me to create a Powerpoint template for another employee that was going to use it for a presentation. I created a template that pretty much followed a story, but then she suggested a completely new template that was in more of a list/categorical form (and then complained saying that I take difficult approaches to problems). So I did what was assigned and we sent it to our coworker. The coworker came back to us and said while this looks great, they don't know how to "tell the story behind it". My manager's words? "Oh yea I was originally thinking of turning it into a story, but it would take too much time. By the way, (my name) worked on this, and....." such and such

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Originally Posted by ChatroomHero View Post
They are adept at throwing people under the bus to make themselves look infallible and make you look like an idiot, in a way they know won't really get back to you because if it did, you'd be able to easily refute it.
And it's funny that you called this out as well, because she does do this to many people and this should've been one of the first red flags. She talks smack about both coworkers and clients, saying stuff like "they're not intelligent" just because they didn't understand something she had said or because "they didn't sound intelligent". Makes me wonder what she's saying behind my back.



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Look for another job. When you get it, feel free to let HR know why you are leaving but expect by then you won't care too much and they probably won't care that much either. Anything you say and have documented, she will have an answer or deflection for.
Thanks for all of your insights - this was really helpful. I'll take it to consideration. The only thing is - as someone else mentioned in this thread - what if I switch jobs and have a manager who is also bad, or even worse? How do you weed out bad managers during a job interview?
It also sucks because I like the job and the work that I do. But I don't see how my career or skills will progress with a manager like this. Ugh.
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Old 9th April 2019, 9:05 PM   #24
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The only thing is - as someone else mentioned in this thread - what if I switch jobs and have a manager who is also bad, or even worse? How do you weed out bad managers during a job interview?
It also sucks because I like the job and the work that I do. But I don't see how my career or skills will progress with a manager like this. Ugh.
That's always tough trying to judge someone interviewing you, almost the same a being interviewed. If you're psycho manager, you're not going to act psycho during the interview. The other issue is she will sabotage any potential promotion for you as long as she is not moving up as well. I'd bet you can offer to take a class or certification on your own dime and own time to further your skills, but if you mention it to her, instead of saying that would be awesome, she'll tell you not to and be mad if she finds out you did. You probably will be stuck while she is there.

So for the next potential job, you can be honest in the interview and say culture and respect is important to you and that you know the only way you can truly succeed is with a great culture and a great team. You might need to be tactful, if they see you are leaving after a few months they will probably realize you probably didn't get along with your boss or fit in to your current job's culture, so that could go either way if you bring it up.

If you do discuss that in an interview and feel like they are going to extend an offer, ask if you could chat 5 minutes with another employee or two about what it's like to work there before you agree. They should be open to it, if not that might be a warning sign. If they say ok, talk to someone in your same position and then talk to the receptionist or office assistant, someone else who might not be upper level and is in a different position.

Ask those employees how they like the job and culture and if they feel appreciated. Then ask them all things considered, what percent chance will they still be working there 10 years down the road. Ask what their favorite part of working there has been and pay attention to what they say about the bosses, respect for other employees, etc. You should get a decent take for the truth. If the employees are friendly and at ease right when you first start talking to them, that's a good sign. If they are too business like, seem bothered, or are stand-offish or speak carefully about the company and take time to say the right thing, that might tell you something too.

Outside of that, unless you know someone already with the company or feel comfortable enough because you met your prospective employer at a networking event or knew them before for a while in the industry or it was a former customer...it will be hard to gauge.

Also, look them up on Glassdoor as well. I find good information there that I have found to be pretty accurate about companies I am acquainted with. Even if one review is a 5 star and another is 1 star, the cons they list usually will be similar and usually the cons will address issues with management where you can get a picture of what it is like. If they have a manager like your current one and there is a review, people will point that out.

Other than that, it's always a leap of faith, so I wish you good luck but at least you know going in more of what to pay attention to during the interview than maybe last time. I just know from experience that working for someone like that only gets worse and there is always an expiration date for how long you can deal with it.

I have found my cut off is right around the time something is said in passing to you from a co-worker about something you "screwed up" 8 months ago and you reply something like, Ummmm, I wasn't part of that project... and the co-worker is like... oh, uh, yeah, boss said something about you screwing up, maybe I misheard or she meant someone else... Then you recognize the real damage that happens when you are out of the room. lol
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Old 12th April 2019, 2:53 PM   #25
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I'm a "put it all out there on the table" type person. If you are concerned that your boss is seeing you in a bad light and it's giving you migraines, there is nothing wrong with asking her for a little feedback on your performance, or what she thinks you might do to make improvements. She may have a different management style that you are used to, one that doesn't mesh as well with your work style. If you can adapt your style just a bit to fit her style, life might be much easier for you. You don't need to change who you are, just make a small adjustment to make your life easier.

You could always change jobs, but sometimes you can end up going from the frying pan into the fire! If you like your job, do what you need to do to keep it and grow in it.
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Old 15th April 2019, 11:22 AM   #26
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I realize the HR-types don't like job hopping. That said a bad manager is THE reason to leave a job - you'll get a bad reference when you do leave, or no reference at all, you could get fired quite easily, your performance reviews will be lacking, your chances for advancement would be severely limited, etc. etc.

If I didn't like my boss I would for sure start applying for other positions, especially 3 months in where you should be in the honeymoon phase.
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Old 17th April 2019, 7:08 AM   #27
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Run, donít walk. No job is worth your health. Find another job and resign ASAP. Yes, all jobs are stressful, but not to that extent.

I worked for a woman exactly like you described for 2 years, because the renumeration was exceptionally good. Let me tell you, it wonít get better. Thinking back now, I regret not leaving. Thatís 2 years of my youth I wasted being unhappy and constantly in therapy.

I feel itís unfair that job-hopping is regarded negatively. A short stint on a resume doesnít necessarily mean thereís an issue with the employee. In many cases, itís the bosses who are toxic.
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Old 18th April 2019, 1:37 PM   #28
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Thank you everyone so much for the advice!! Just a quick update - so I decided to stay, but only for a couple of months OR if a recruiter contacts me (which has been happening on LinkedIn, by the way ). The two reasons why I decided to stay is because 1. this is the industry I want to work in - so I figure I'll get some experience to put on my resume, and 2. her head boss really likes me and I think he notices that something is up. He keeps questioning the work that my boss is giving me.

OH and also, just like what another poster had said earlier, my boss still continues to take credit for my work. I created a report for a client of ours. My boss had tweaked a few things, but 95% of the report - the data collection, the analysis, the design, all of that - was my work. And the client came back and said they are taking action using the insights I provided them! We have a slack channel where the whole company puts in our "key wins", and my boss decided to take all of the credit and didn't even mention my name. The post received a lot of accolades and people congratulating her as well. Not the first time something like this has happened though.
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Old 22nd April 2019, 12:16 PM   #29
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I took a job once that I felt it also necessary to document what the supervisor told me. It was an odd situation. The company had the same employees and most of the smallish crew had been there over 30 years and the most recent hire before me had been there 5 years, so everyone there had total seniority and I had no credibility from being new.

Well, the supervisor was this woman who'd been there 38 years and she was forgetful. It didn't help that the product we were dealing with all kind of looked alike on the surface but had different minute characteristics in manufacturing depending on its purpose, so it was hard to differentiate between one purchase from one client and one from another just from memory. So I began keeping a Word file on everything I did.

So the supervisor came and got a folder I was working on one day and I wrote that in my Word file so that if I needed the file later, I'd know why I couldn't find it. A couple of weeks passed and she asked me for an update on the file. I checked my notes, told her, last I had to do with it, she came and got it from me. She denied that, had completely forgotten it, and was very mad that I would contradict her. I showed her my dated note. That made her even madder and she got rid of me as soon as possible. Yes, she later found the file on her own desk.

So yes, a bad boss can be a reason to move on. This one sounds like she just took over there, so you might give it another month or two to see if she settles down any. But look for a job while you already have one.
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Old 22nd May 2019, 11:21 AM   #30
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Hey everyone! So a bit of an update.

1. Things got worse (not surprisingly). I started to document everything, and when she did the flip flop, I started to show to her (in writing) what she said. After showing it to her, she'll ask me to go outside and "have a talk", where she would put the blame on me once again (newest excuse is I'm too much of a literal thinker).

2. Things escalated to the point where I actually cried at work. I went to HR and asked if they're any other open positions in the company or advice on how to fix things. They told me to show the documentation to her manager and to also have a confidant in the office. As of yesterday, the HR person had asked me if I truly see myself working for my manager - h*ll no I do not lol but I decided to tell them I'll "think about it".

3. My manager also had been taking credit for all of my good work. I wouldn't mind this, but I think she's telling others that I'm bad at what I do. For instance, I would create a powerpoint and if we have a "win", my manager would take all the credit without giving me any recognition. I'm currently undergoing training with another manager, and she keeps showing slides that she claimed my manager made saying "this is the way to do things" when I was the one who made them.

4. So currently applying to jobs, in hopes my situation turns out better.

TLDR; If you're ever in this situation, run. Fast.
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