When your hair color isn't your hair color.

[Shindig]

I was born with strawberry red hair that's slowly gotten more blonde as I've aged. I'm nearly 40 and my hair is white at my temples and it blends pretty nicely into the strawberry blonde (thank-you genetic lotto). I went for a routine cut and while the stylist was drying my hair, a colleague asked her (not me) if she'd colored my hair.

 

She snarked, "Yeah, I had time to do that since she got here 20 minutes ago." The inquiry didn't stop there. The colleague started asking questions about if I'd ever colored my hair, when I'd colored my hair, how was this really my natural color, and so forth. I didn't tell her to **** off for being so aggressive in interrogating me about my hair color, instead I showed her a baby picture that showcased my curly flamey red hair and of course her response was, "well this is a polaroid, so the color is off."

 

The experience is still nagging me. I don't understand what my persistent gut feeling is trying to tell me. Help me find some words!

Edited March 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[preraph]

Your colleague is on friend of yours. She's trying to find something to diminish you with, so.....don't take it unless you have to for business reasons, and even then I'd cool off to "polite and professional."

[major_merrick]

Sometimes hair color can be an issue at work, but I haven't run into it lately. Sounds like your colleague was being a bit invasive, and I probably would have signaled my irritation with that. Of course, when I'm irritated it is pretty much unmistakable.

I have kind of dark-ish blonde hair. Dishwater blonde it has been called, but it has lightened over time to include some nasty gray stuff. Thankfully, I can still pull those out. I usually have some red streaks that I dye into my hair, especially in front. Been doing that since I was a kid, not gonna change. I probably couldn't get away with something totally crazy like blue or green, but IDK since I work at home much of the time now. As long as you are somewhat close-ish to a "normal" look, it shouldn't be an issue at work or in public, or a focus for discussion.

[d0nnivain]

The person who asked the Q was hoping the answer would be a specific color & shade so the colleague could have his/her color done in the same shade. It was an attempt at flattery.

[Shindig]

hoping the answer would be a specific color & shade so the colleague could have his/her color done in the same shade

 

This has happened to me, but this didn't feel like a ham-handed attempt at a compliment. She was so aggressive and accusatory about it and not a younger lady - she was in her 50s and had clearly been doing hair for a long time. Still, let's say it was, why do I feel icky about it? Why is it still bothering me?

[CC12]

Still, let's say it was, why do I feel icky about it? Why is it still bothering me?

 

Maybe it's because you felt the need to prove yourself and answer her questions even though you were feeling uncomfortable with them. You even went as far as bringing out a baby photo to verify that you weren't lying. I don't think you did anything wrong at all, but maybe you wish you would have politely shut her down instead of allowing her to put you on the spot and answering her inappropriate questions.

 

I do think she was just asking out of professional curiosity. It sounds like she was pretty weird about it, but I don't think she was trying to insult you, or anything.

[Shindig]

So I'm feeling regret at letting myself be violated. Story of my life.

[Mrs._December]

You feel violated just because another hairdresser was having a hard time believing that was your natural hair color and voiced her doubts?

 

Seriously?

 

This was SUCH an inconsequential occurrence that I can't think of one reason why you didn't forget about it as soon as it happened.

[d0nnivain]

So I'm feeling regret at letting myself be violated. Story of my life.

 

 

If this is the story of your life, the hair coloring thing is only a symptom. You need better boundaries. You have to stick up for yourself more.

[Shindig]

You feel violated just because another hairdresser was having a hard time believing that was your natural hair color and voiced her doubts?

 

Seriously?

 

This was SUCH an inconsequential occurrence that I can't think of one reason why you didn't forget about it as soon as it happened.

 

Yikes. I'm not sure what your problem is, Mrs. December, but you don't get to dictate how I react to events in my own life and it definitely doesn't mean you get to belittle me for being who I am when I haven't done anything remotely wrong. If it seems trivial to you, nothing stopped you from moving on except what only seems like a desire to be petty and snarky to someone asking for help.

 

As d0nnivain points out, this gets at deeper issues and I needed someone to remind me that most issues are 95% past issues and 5% the current situation.

[RecentChange]

Yeah this sounds like a story that is all wrapped up in perception.

 

I often get asked if I color my hair. I have been asked by hairdressers about my highlights.

 

Only - I don’t perceive it as a violation, as a bad thing at all! I proudly tell them nope! All natural, good genes I guess. I can thank my mother for passing down her great hair.

 

I don’t perceive it as something I have to defend myself against, but rather a chance to brag

[SJS]

Fellow redhead here. I don't think people (non-redheads) realize how much of our lives we've spent listening to others talk--both good and bad--about our hair. I've also had hairdressers not believe me that this is my natural color until they begin working on it and then can tell it's not dyed. It's aggravating. I'm assuming this lady is no different, and has poor customer service skills. Make sure you don't get her for your next visit!

[Shindig]

Normally I'm in the same boat as you; I feel like I won the genetic lotto. I don't expect everyone to be into it, but I really like how I look.

 

It was the woman's demeanor. I don't think I can describe it in any way that could convey the tone or tenor of the interaction charitably, just that I came away from it feeling the same way I feel when I'm issued an astiesm, in this case that I felt accused of being a faker and a liar when neither is true and I let this woman make me jump thru hoops when I should have told her to pound sand.

[mrs rubble]

I think her customer service skills stink too, you should tell your stylist you didn't appreciate her colleagues intrusion into your appointment and you'll have to go elsewhere in future unless she pulls her head in.

I got put off hairdresser's for life after I had a particularly nasty incident with a mouthy one pushing her views on me, I never went to her salon again....however I ran into her a few years ago in another salon!! So I stopped getting my hair cut, until a couple of years ago when my son trained as a hairdresser, now I don't even have to leave home.

[anika99]

I have had problems with hairstylists not believing my natural color is my natural color too. Not because my color is so nice, but because it grows out weird. My natural color is a deep brownish black, but as I've gotten older the pigment doesn't carry all the way to the ends. So the roots are black and then the color slowly fades down the hair shaft so that the last few inches are a light golden brown. The longer my hair is the more pronounced the color change appears. Hairstylists always think it's some old dye job growing out and don't believe me when I say that's just what my hair does.

[Shindig]

That sounds amazing! Women pay a lot of money to make their hair look like that.