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Returning to work with a co-worker whose rejection devastated me


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himynameis253

Last year I ****ed up hard by dating a co-worker, not realizing the fire I was playing with. Prior to her, I’d never dated anyone before. She was a member of the training staff at the call center where I started in January, five years older than me and very attractive. She started flirting with me the day we met, but I ignored it because I suck at flirting, and knew we weren’t a match anyway. Privately, I was always very attracted to her, and over the months this developed into a huge crush. I loved the attention she gave me even though I feigned disinterest. Apart from her lack of professionalism, she was very good at her job and we had a great working rtelationship.

 

After four months of working with her, one night she added me on Facebook and came onto me hard. I had always taken her flirting as a joke, but this was serious. Although I initially declined, a few weeks later I changed my mind and agreed to meet up with her outside of work. We dated for five weeks and never had sex. There was a verbal offer on the table, but I couldn’t get comfortable enough with her to make a move. Not only was I right that we weren’t a match, but I had no idea what I was doing, and made constant mistakes in dealing with her. The whole thing was a huge embarrassment. I had very strong feelings for her, and even though I did my best to hide it, I’m pretty sure she picked up on it.

 

Then mid-July the rejection came. I didn’t handle it well. She never explicitly said we were done; she just went cold on me overnight and left the writing on the wall through her statements and actions. I made the mistake of continuing to hang around as a “friend” (admittedly in the hope that she would change her mind). She maintained platonic contact with me, but I now realize that this was probably just a courtesy to let me down gently, and that she didn’t care whether we remained friends.

 

This went on for three weeks, until she shared in our group text that we had with some mutual friends that she had plans to hook up with someone else that night. It devastated me utterly. Four weeks prior, she had made plans to spend that weekend with me, so she replaced me in her hookup plans and texted it where she knew I would read it. It was worst pain I’ve ever felt. At that point, I knew I had to stop playing “friend” and stopped contacting her.

 

She reached out to me a few times in the following weeks, and things went downhill hard as I failed miserably to handle my emotions. I couldn’t just say “we can’t be friends” (that would be an admission that I liked her), instead I had to act all dramatic and make it obvious how butthurt I was until she cut me off in an ugly text exchange.

 

That was six month ago. I’ve totally cut all contact and blocked her on social media. Our relationship is dead and buried. From her silence, I take it she wants nothing to do with me. It hurts, but it’s fine because I don’t want to be her friend anyway. At the end of July, shortly after blowing be off, she was transferred to another location, and I was laid off, so we no longer work together. I’ll never see her again… unless I go back to work where she is.

 

After getting laid off, I got a job in another city, but the commute is a disaster, and I’m making substantially less due to the more limited hours. Now that six months have passed since I got laid off, I’m eligible for re-hire at the same company, at the site where she is now. I would be a lock to get hired, and it would be a better job option for me… except for her presence there.

 

Although I feel like I’m over her, I am very uncomfortable with the idea of being around her again. She’s very social, if she treats me like everyone else, she’ll talk to me and try to make conversation. I can’t stand the thought of it. I never want to see her again. I don’t want to be unprofessional or act hostile, but I want her to stay away from me and not talk to me at all unless it’s work related.

 

How should I handle myself around her?

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The rule of thumb with a workplace fling is that you both need to stay civil and act professionally towards each other if things go pearshaped. I suspect that if you move companies, she could keep up the facade...but if you don't think you can, then don't move to her company.

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How should I handle myself around her?

 

I'm trying to look at this from her standpoint. You had a 5-week "romance" that didn't include sex and then didn't handle the break-up well when she moved on.

 

I'd guess she saw the relationship differently than you did and had (much) less invested emotionally. So there shouldn't be much drama from her end, leaving you as the only variable.

 

I'd accept the position and use my interactions with her as an opportunity for self-growth. As you've learned, best not to mix business and pleasure...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Mrs._December

Stop borrowing drama.

 

She likely sees you as emotionally and socially stunted and she probably doesn't even think about you at all. You're all hyper thinking about having to be within 25 feet of her at work and she's likely forgotten who you even are. I highly doubt she's going to be wasting her time hanging around you trying to make conversation and making your life difficult day after day. She's clearly moved on and isn't going to waste her time looking back.

 

How do you handle yourself around her? The same way she's likely going to handle herself around you - probably with very little interest in being friends or romantic partners or anything else.

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