Can't cope with this coworker anymore

[Soak]

I am in a contracted position in the allied health industry (similiar to nursing). The organisation is experiencing constant upheavels and there is currently a new manager in place.

 

It is a client heavy role, similiar to nursing, with contact with vulnerable clients. The job also involes a lot of paperwork, which takes up about 1/3 of my time. I rarely get breaks and my meal break consists of shoving down a couple of mouthfuls of food between tasks.

 

There is a co worker that comes in after me and picks on everything i do. She nit picks at me when i am tired and busy trying to finish everything at the end of my shift. If she has 'feedback', she goes on and on and says the procedure is that we sort it out between ourselves (when actually the procedure is we do that, but if it is not resolvable, then we need to escalate it to middle management).

 

My back is sore and i am constantly anxious in this job. My days off are spent being anxious and my sleep is not that good at the moment.

 

The reason i have stuck in the position is to support new manager and higher manager, as i know higher manager is going through stuff at the moment and i want to support her.

 

I am going to have to call in sick today, which means the service might not have enough knowledgable staff on the shift, which puts the manager in a difficult position.

 

I am thinking that the best way forward is to make a formal complaint about this co worker, but i feel too exhausted to.

 

I want to pull out of the contract, but i've known the upper management for a few years and she's always been good to me and now this co worker has put me in a position where i have to make a difficult phone call.

Edited March 5, 2019 by Soak

[Amy1992]

If she has 'feedback', she goes on and on and says the procedure is that we sort it out between ourselves (when actually the procedure is we do that, but if it is not resolvable, then we need to escalate it to middle management).

 

It sounds like a draining situation to be in. How awful that it's resulted in you being physically ill.

 

What sort of discussions have the two of you had to try to resolve the situation between yourselves?

[Mr. Lucky]

There is a co worker that comes in after me and picks on everything i do. She nit picks at me when i am tired and busy trying to finish everything at the end of my shift. If she has 'feedback', she goes on and on and says the procedure is that we sort it out between ourselves (when actually the procedure is we do that, but if it is not resolvable, then we need to escalate it to middle management).

.

Since she doesn't seem to be a department head or supervisor, why not tell her professionally but directly to butt out? One effective way to deal with busy bodies like this is to kick their potential communication upstairs. Tell her "Flo, I have nether the time for nor interest in hearing your input. If you think there's a problem, you should take it up with Ms. Manager"

 

And then put her on ignore. Like so many obnoxious, disruptive or negative people in one's life, she only has the power you give her...

 

Mr. Lucky

[mrs rubble]

Mr Lucky is correct, you need to stand up to her. I've worked with a couple of people like this over the years, one I put up with for years, harassing me and trying to manipulate me...until I copied the manager into my (email) response to one of her demands and threat if I didn't do what she wanted. It stopped right then and there and she found a new job soon afterwards.

[Soak]

.

Since she doesn't seem to be a department head or supervisor, why not tell her professionally but directly to butt out? One effective way to deal with busy bodies like this is to kick their potential communication upstairs. Tell her "Flo, I have nether the time for nor interest in hearing your input. If you think there's a problem, you should take it up with Ms. Manager"

 

And then put her on ignore. Like so many obnoxious, disruptive or negative people in one's life, she only has the power you give her...

 

I tried to do this last night, but she kept hammering on.

 

It has been escalated to supervisor, who clarified info for me today. I doubt co-worker's ability to change her communication "style" (for want of a better word).

 

There's usually only two-three of us on a shift at any one time, so if I am on with one of the organisation's staff, it is a free-for-all from this co-worker and I am at the brunt end. Most of the staff don't like me being there as they perceive me as a threat and I often get the cold shoulder despite that I am only performing normal work activities.

Edited March 6, 2019 by Soak

[Mr. Lucky]

I tried to do this last night, but she kept hammering on.

 

But if you're not listening, isn't she talking to thin air?

 

Again, your response is her reward. Without a reaction from you, not much incentive for her...

 

Mr. Lucky

[darkmoon]

report her ... you are your own worst enemy otherwise

 

 

the managers need to hear this ... they are paid to ... and she might get to them first

 

 

just email them ... you are writing to us here ... not always exhausted

[Soak]

report her

 

Yes, i will next time she uses that tone with me or is unreasonable in her communications.

Edited March 6, 2019 by Soak

[Soak]

Again, your response is her reward. Without a reaction from you, not much incentive for her...

 

So, are you suggesting that i completely ignore her and give her silence if she crosses the line?

[darkmoon]

Yes, i will next time she uses that tone with me or is unreasonable in her communications.

 

 

she already has used that tone etc! what are you waiting for?

 

 

 

and keep a diary, a record, uses 5 mins on the ride home... and do not tell her, vital

Edited March 6, 2019 by darkmoon

[d0nnivain]

If you report her you will look like somebody who can't solve your own problems. If you can't solve your own problems how is the organization supposed to trust you to solve the problems of the vulnerable clients?

 

Instead, when she comes over to you & offers you feed back you unequivocally say something like, "I've been at this position for ___ weeks / months. I understand how to do my job. You are not my supervisor. I resent the fact that you constantly try to undermine me with your unfounded criticisms. Please stop. Do your own job & I'll do mine. If management has a problem with my performance, I'm sure they will let me know." Then ignore her

[preraph]

You need to talk to your upper management person. You respect her and she you, and even if her plate if full, that's her job, not yours, and you should be honest and tell her you've tried to resolve it with this coworker but are pushed to the point of wanting to resign.

[Mr. Lucky]

So, are you suggesting that i completely ignore her and give her silence if she crosses the line?

 

Absolutely, Agree with d0nnivain, this is an issue to solve at the peer level. Management's response can be quite heavy-handed in these "she said/she said" situations...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Soak]

If you report her you will look like somebody who can't solve your own problems. If you can't solve your own problems how is the organization supposed to trust you to solve the problems of the vulnerable clients?

 

Instead, when she comes over to you & offers you feed back you unequivocally say something like, "I've been at this position for ___ weeks / months. I understand how to do my job. You are not my supervisor. I resent the fact that you constantly try to undermine me with your unfounded criticisms. Please stop. Do your own job & I'll do mine. If management has a problem with my performance, I'm sure they will let me know." Then ignore her

 

Yes, this. Thanks dOnnivain.. I'll make a facsimilie of this and place it in my repetoire. Saying something professionally and then ignoring her is the way to go. Problem is, we have to work in close quarters with each other and quite often in pairs, which requires an collaborative style of communication. And she will likely hammer on, even when i end the conversation. She will probably say 'i've been here for over a year and i KNOW the clients well' as this is what she's done before.

[d0nnivain]

Then soften your tone but still say "bug off" nicely. Add something like "I think you are trying to help but right now all you are doing is delaying me from doing my job." Repeat as often as needed. If she doesn't stop . . . send the same message to her via E-mail. On 3 occasions I nicely asked you to stop interfering with my ability to do my job. You still haven't. If I have to repeat myself again, the next note does go to HR because at this point you are my biggest obstacle to providing timely client services."

[MsJayne]

It's meant to be hand-over, not stand-over. I would just confront her and ask outright why she feels the need to undermine you. She probably thinks she's being efficient and has no idea that you interpret her behaviour as overbearing and unnecessary. Failing that I would just go straight over her head, being regularly undermined is a form of workplace bullying.