Are throwing surprise baby showers for coworkers appropriate?

[Joyce Simmons]

I always thought it was inappropriate to throw baby showers for coworkers wives. I could understand if it was a manager or supervisor, I would chip in and bring something. But for a coworker to whom I don’t interact with or talk to, they asked the whole department to donate something if we want. I just think it’s too personal. Almost half of the department are a tight knit group, I’m not one of them. If they want to buy gifts for him and his wife they should do it in private not make a whole meeting about it. Not sure why they don’t see that?

[preraph]

It's just a gift grab. If you're required to go, take a card. If you have a way to be "too busy," by all means do it. If you have not problem speaking your mind, say, "I don't even know this person." If you have a supervisor you suspect might not approve, by all means drop a dime.

 

At one office, two sisters got a young male assistant. He didn't work with anyone else. When his wife got pregnant, they tried to throw a shower for HIM. I didn't have to work that day, but I wouldn't have participated. I'd have taken a very long lunch.

 

Another place I worked had two companies sharing space. The OTHER company was always having what seemed like mandatory baby showers and inviting the whole office! I didn't even know these people. I thought it was ridiculous and so did my supervisor. If I recall, she took up a small collection. These gift grabs are unethical, and for that reason, I see not reason to try to be nice about them or even pretend they're okay.

[d0nnivain]

If the culture of your office is to do these things, you'd best participate or be viewed as not a team player. Just get something little ~ $10 . . .some onesies, a toy, whatever. You don't have to go crazy just be consistent in your giving.

[Happy Lemming]

These gift grabs are unethical...

 

100% Agree!! I remember when I worked in a mid-sized company. Every week they are passing around an envelope to collect money for this or that and even relatives of co-workers. I needed my money for my expenses.

 

As far as co-worker baby showers, I'm not her friend and I didn't get her pregnant, why should I have to part with any money.

 

I also hated the secret Santa crap gift bag. I always got some crappy $5 re-gift item from a loser co-worker and I was forced to spend $20 - $30 on an appropriate gift.

 

Keep my name out of this whole mess. I don't wish to participate.

[Mr. Lucky]

I also hated the secret Santa crap gift bag. I always got some crappy $5 re-gift item from a loser co-worker and I was forced to spend $20 - $30 on an appropriate gift.

 

Are you really worried about balancing life out so precisely? Things like this tend to even out on an aggregate basis, doesn't seem worth the time to worry about who spent what in a co-worker gift exchange. YMMV...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Happy Lemming]

Are you really worried about balancing life out so precisely? Things like this tend to even out on an aggregate basis, doesn't seem worth the time to worry about who spent what in a co-worker gift exchange. YMMV...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I didn't want to participate in the first place and had asked to be deleted from the gift exchange, but I was forced into it. My co-workers are not my family and I prefer to compartmentalize my life. Work is work, friends and family are different.

 

And yes my time and gasoline to shop at that madhouse called a mall during the holidays are an inconvenience that I didn't need. If I have to go to put in the effort and spend money then I expect the person that got my name to do the same and not "mail it in" by re-gifting some piece of crap.

 

And no things don't even out, I always got screwed over in those gift exchanges.

[L0nely]

If they want to buy gifts for him and his wife they should do it in private not make a whole meeting about it.

 

 

Agreed.

 

 

 

Work is work, friends and family are different.

 

 

Agreed.

 

 

I would not be willingly to participate in such events. I especially hate it when they start asking for "donations" or mandatory secret santa. I don't have enough money donating around for every little events. If I know them personally and is my friend, then that's different. But most cases, I don't even see/talk to my coworkers outside of work. Co-workers are coworkers; friends are friends. Some coworkers becomes friends, but then that's just a friend.

[Sarah_Smiles]

Just spend the bare minimum for it, go to the dollar store and buy a card, gift wrap, and gift bag and then get a cute baby bib, or nice pacifiers( one or two) elsewhere like a Walmart - both are useful and not expensive.

[preraph]

100% Agree!! I remember when I worked in a mid-sized company. Every week they are passing around an envelope to collect money for this or that and even relatives of co-workers. I needed my money for my expenses.

 

As far as co-worker baby showers, I'm not her friend and I didn't get her pregnant, why should I have to part with any money.

 

I also hated the secret Santa crap gift bag. I always got some crappy $5 re-gift item from a loser co-worker and I was forced to spend $20 - $30 on an appropriate gift.

 

Keep my name out of this whole mess. I don't wish to participate.

 

I will usually do secret santa, but one year I just couldn't afford it and told them I wasn't participating and not to put me in the hat. I told them I wasn't able to buy gifts for anyone that year, which was true. So I'm sure not going to do theirs.

 

Even worse, a couple of years, instead of that, we had this stupid game where you all buy presents, but what present you get is dictated by this basically scam game that whoever the boss is or the organizer can rig. So if they sit to the left of who they want to get the good prize, the prize ends up with them. That really pissed me off. It was so obvious that's what they were doing. I am lucky because I'm part-time at the office, so I can usually just "not be there that day." But we had a simple party this year and I spent money on nice desserts for the office voluntarily. We didn't do gifts or any of that, so glad.

[preraph]

I didn't want to participate in the first place and had asked to be deleted from the gift exchange, but I was forced into it. My co-workers are not my family and I prefer to compartmentalize my life. Work is work, friends and family are different.

 

And yes my time and gasoline to shop at that madhouse called a mall during the holidays are an inconvenience that I didn't need. If I have to go to put in the effort and spend money then I expect the person that got my name to do the same and not "mail it in" by re-gifting some piece of crap.

 

And no things don't even out, I always got screwed over in those gift exchanges.

 

Yeah, the timing is the main reason I don't want to do it. If I'm able to afford Christmas, I know it by October, so that's when I do my shopping, late October, first week of November. After that, it can be a slow season for my self-employment and I don't want to spend money in December. So they wait until the last minute and tell you they're having the gift exchange and you're stuck doing what you were so careful to plan ahead and avoid: going out in the horrible Christmas traffic and mall traffic and spending money you don't have in December. Nah.

[preraph]

Just spend the bare minimum for it, go to the dollar store and buy a card, gift wrap, and gift bag and then get a cute baby bib, or nice pacifiers( one or two) elsewhere like a Walmart - both are useful and not expensive.

 

You know, I have two jobs and a tight budget. If I am close friends with a person or if the person was my supervisor, I'm already going to get a NICE gift for them. Some remote person at the office who I don't even know, huh-uh.

[Geraltt]

Mixing one's personal and business life rarely ends well.

 

Your co-workers are not your friends; they are co-workers. By all means, be personable and agreeable (to a point) but know where to draw the line.

 

My line (when I was working; I'm retired now) was gifts, either xmas or otherwise, and being pressured to buy those candy bars for the endless children's fundraiser(s).

[Happy Lemming]

...and being pressured to buy those candy bars for the endless children's fundraiser(s).

 

OMG!! I had forgotten about all those candy bars and gift wrapping fund raisers. Hey... if little Johnny needs a new uniform for baseball, how about you organize a benefit car wash and little Johnny can work for his new uniform. He'll appreciate it more vs. having Mommy or Daddy guilt me into buying some overpriced candy or gift wrapping.

[Geraltt]

OMG!! I had forgotten about all those candy bars and gift wrapping fund raisers. Hey... if little Johnny needs a new uniform for baseball, how about you organize a benefit car wash and little Johnny can work for his new uniform. He'll appreciate it more vs. having Mommy or Daddy guilt me into buying some overpriced candy or gift wrapping.

 

For some reason - I have my theories as to why this might be - it's almost exclusively HR department people who are forever cruising through the office looking for easy marks to offload their kids' candy bars and other fundraising items.

 

You very, very rarely see Agnes from accounting, or Carl from communications, or Fiona from finance looking for handouts. It's always Agnes and Marg from HR.

[Ronni_W]

Your co-workers are not your friends; they are co-workers. By all means, be personable and agreeable (to a point) but know where to draw the line.

It depends on each individual, and where and how they choose to develop their friendships. Drawing 'the line' is not subject to the environment or to some other person's arbitrary assignment/designation

of what constitutes the 'proper' or 'appropriate' place (environment) in which to make constructive or lasting friendships.

 

To the OP, do what feels 'right', 'proper' and/or 'appropriate' to you, personally. There isn't any other standard on Earth to follow.

[See-Me-Feel-Me]

I worked in a Wall Street nut house for 20 years--one of those busy trading floors where there is no distance between people on phones and yelling stuff to others like you see in the movies. Women did the baby shower thing in the office frequently. I never questioned it, and never wondered if there was any "surprise" to it. I was never asked to participate and, if I knew the lady, I'd just graciously wish her well. No big whoop.

[Joyce Simmons]

I didn’t buy or donate money to the coworker wife’s that was having the shower. They were passing around the card for us to sign, which I did. We had an hour long team meeting. The first half hour was a team building activity then the second half hour was his surprise shower. They got him cake and we all sat around and ate cake in the conference room. It was a bit weird, though. Seeing that I don’t talk to the guy. But oh well.

[d0nnivain]

If you didn't contribute to the present, it was a bit odd for you to sign the card.

 

You really need to step up your game on the team building thing. I think if you can connect better with people in general & find the generous side of your spirit it might help you in other aspects of your life like dating.

[Mr. Lucky]

It was a bit weird, though. Seeing that I don’t talk to the guy. But oh well.

 

You seem preoccupied with perceived slights and office politics. Focusing on technology, job skills and time management would give you a better return in the long run...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Banker Chick]

If you didn't contribute to the present, it was a bit odd for you to sign the card.

 

Not at my company. They send around a card with an envelope. Everyone is encouraged to sign & add a personal message regardless of whether they included money or not. If Tina the bank teller can't afford to contribute towards a gift, she isn't allowed to sign the card wishing the person well? Seems petty.

 

My managers & I quit pretending like we knew each other well enough to get good gifts & we just go out to a nice lunch together during the holidays.

[gameTromo]

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