I'm so messed up inside, should I leave this job?

[ItsAllConfusing]

I'm in the bathroom of my workplace with just so many emotions running through me. The greatest emotion of them of all is frustration with myself.

 

I'm just so socially awkward. If I could just get rid of this awkwardness Id be wonderful.

 

I'm on the verge of leaving my job of 4 months because I just don't fit. In the meetings they all talk so much to each other and I'm just there sitting waiting for it to start so I can get out of there and work. It's the same way through the day, they chit chat and I have no choice but to put my headphones in so I can focus. In my head I'm saying to myself why are you being so weird dang it. And they probably all think you're so strange and rude.

 

I'm not these things. I'm the sweetest person ever but I'm just so hard around others.

 

I could blend in too but it would take a lot of , a lot of work and energy . I just make myself awkward and distant. I've been doing this since 7th grade. I even do it with some family members. I don't do this to everyone just with those whose energies don't align with mine.

 

Anyway there's this new employee who I've mentioned in two other posts who is just perfect for this company and for this team. She's even already hung out with them. I'm thinking maybe it's time to go and then she can take on all of my work.

 

By leaving I'd be out of work but I'm a temp so they can place me somewhere else. I like this job because I learn something new each day and there's an option to work from home and I'm not micromanaged. It's just the social piece that kills me.

 

This company has just merged and I'm getting a lot of work and to leave them now might affect them but then again the new employee could probably take on my role.

 

My other option to leaving is sitting in a far away cube tucked away from the conversation and just focus on work. But by doing this i isolate myself even more but then maybe it's better for me.

 

What do I do? I'm cringing at myself.

[stillafool]

If moving to another cubicle away from them and just concentrating on your work will make you feel more comfortable and relaxed, do that. Just make sure you get permission first. Maybe you should think about independent counciling for your anxiety.

[Happy Lemming]

You are there to do a job.

 

You are trading your labor for a paycheck. You are not there to make friends or socialize.

 

Don't worry about misc. interactions and what the other people are doing.

 

Focus and DO YOUR JOB!!

[Mr. Lucky]

Maybe you should think about independent counciling for your anxiety.

 

Amen. These same issues are just going to follow you to the next position.

 

Talk to someone about how you're feeling...

 

Mr. Lucky

[bathtub-row]

I think this is a bigger issue for you than it is for others. Most people understand that some people just aren’t social. It’s not a crime. When I started working at a company once, for several months I just kept my head down, did my work, and minded my own business. I later started conversing with others but I’m not much into pot stirrers or office gossip so I stayed away from that. And guess what? Managers love that. They are bombarded with people problems so anyone who does their job and keeps out of trouble is a godsend.

 

The truth is, you’re probably very introspective and that’s just your nature. It most likely means you’re smarter than most people and that you’ll never truly fit in with the crowd. And honestly that’s a good thing. Do you think all the great minds out there fit in with everyone? Most of them felt awkward around others. Even if it’s not necessarily about intelligence, you’re just different. So what?

 

I think if you stop making this an issue in your own mind, you’ll find that no one else is really all that concerned about it. And those who are probably don’t matter. Btw, quitting your job when you don’t have anything else lined up is not a smart move unless you have a bunch of money in savings. Stay where you are. It seems to have a lot of potential and you like the work. Your job isn’t meant to be a social party. The company is paying you to get things done, not to be a social butterfly.

Edited December 13, 2018 by bathtub-row

[Wallysbears]

I think it is best not to make any decisions about the job right now. Try to breathe deep and get through the rest of the day.

 

Have you spoken to a doctor at all about your social anxiety? Or a therapist? Maybe you could and then learn ways to help you navigate that so it doesn't impact you at this job or in the future?

[brigit87]

I'm in the bathroom of my workplace with just so many emotions running through me. The greatest emotion of them of all is frustration with myself.

 

I'm just so socially awkward. If I could just get rid of this awkwardness Id be wonderful.

 

I'm on the verge of leaving my job of 4 months because I just don't fit. In the meetings they all talk so much to each other and I'm just there sitting waiting for it to start so I can get out of there and work. It's the same way through the day, they chit chat and I have no choice but to put my headphones in so I can focus. In my head I'm saying to myself why are you being so weird dang it. And they probably all think you're so strange and rude.

 

I'm not these things. I'm the sweetest person ever but I'm just so hard around others.

 

I could blend in too but it would take a lot of , a lot of work and energy . I just make myself awkward and distant. I've been doing this since 7th grade. I even do it with some family members. I don't do this to everyone just with those whose energies don't align with mine.

 

Anyway there's this new employee who I've mentioned in two other posts who is just perfect for this company and for this team. She's even already hung out with them. I'm thinking maybe it's time to go and then she can take on all of my work.

 

By leaving I'd be out of work but I'm a temp so they can place me somewhere else. I like this job because I learn something new each day and there's an option to work from home and I'm not micromanaged. It's just the social piece that kills me.

 

This company has just merged and I'm getting a lot of work and to leave them now might affect them but then again the new employee could probably take on my role.

 

My other option to leaving is sitting in a far away cube tucked away from the conversation and just focus on work. But by doing this i isolate myself even more but then maybe it's better for me.

 

What do I do? I'm cringing at myself.

 

move to the other cubicle and work from home as much as possible. these people aren't being mean to you. so you don't fit in? maybe in a year you will. but these sound like nice ppl. just move the cubicle and keep the paycheck.

[d0nnivain]

You need to learn to be more social. Changing jobs, hiding in the bathroom or working from home are only going to isolate you further. Get into therapy. Hire a professional life coach (not some internet bozo who you can't meet with in person but a real life coach who you can interact with). As you increase your comfort level in social situations, things will be easier for you.

[preraph]

Anxiety can be treated and you need to go to a psychologist and get your treatment under way. It's affecting your work. Meanwhile, just do your job. But it's insane if you don't go to a psychologist and get treatment for anxiety. My sister is a recluse and doesn't like people basically and works from home and avoids going out. She had to go in the hospital for an extended period of time and was such a bear to the staff that they put her on anxiety meds, and for a period of time after she got out, she was more happy and social and wanting to go out to eat than I've seen her in decades -- and then she stopped and went back to being a people hating recluse. I'm telling you, meds work on anxiety. Combine that with gradual behavior modification to get your feet wet, and you can be on your way to happy.

[brigit87]

Anxiety can be treated and you need to go to a psychologist and get your treatment under way. It's affecting your work. Meanwhile, just do your job. But it's insane if you don't go to a psychologist and get treatment for anxiety. My sister is a recluse and doesn't like people basically and works from home and avoids going out. She had to go in the hospital for an extended period of time and was such a bear to the staff that they put her on anxiety meds, and for a period of time after she got out, she was more happy and social and wanting to go out to eat than I've seen her in decades -- and then she stopped and went back to being a people hating recluse. I'm telling you, meds work on anxiety. Combine that with gradual behavior modification to get your feet wet, and you can be on your way to happy.

 

But she might actually like quiet time and being alone.

 

I like ppl and socializing but i would rather spend most of my time alone. I prefer the solitude and the ability to still my mind which is something I cannot do when interacting with others.

 

That being said I do have a husband who I see everyday. If I lived alone I might be different.

[preraph]

But she might actually like quiet time and being alone.

 

I like ppl and socializing but i would rather spend most of my time alone. I prefer the solitude and the ability to still my mind which is something I cannot do when interacting with others.

 

That being said I do have a husband who I see everyday. If I lived alone I might be different.

 

Well, we ALL like quiet time alone, but this person can't function enough to keep a job! This person needs help. As my old boss used to say, you can want in one hand and **** in the other and see what fills up first. This person needs to have basic adapting skills and is clearly unhappy and came here for suggestions, so I'm saying: Go to a psychologist and fix it! Yes, it can be just that simple. Then you can still have some alone time, but you can also enjoy work and doing social things.

[bathtub-row]

I like quiet time too and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I tend to be quiet and have a whole lot going on inside my head. I like people but too much of them can exhaust me mentally. I think the most concerning thing is that nothing external really happened and yet you’re in panic mode. I can’t quite pinpoint if it’s true anxiety or if you’re extremely sensitive and people wear you out. Going into the bathroom over no real incident is over-the-top.

[brigit87]

Well, we ALL like quiet time alone, but this person can't function enough to keep a job! This person needs help. As my old boss used to say, you can want in one hand and **** in the other and see what fills up first. This person needs to have basic adapting skills and is clearly unhappy and came here for suggestions, so I'm saying: Go to a psychologist and fix it! Yes, it can be just that simple. Then you can still have some alone time, but you can also enjoy work and doing social things.

 

She could benefit from therapy but maybe she doesn't fit with that crowd. I use to go to the gym and take yoga. I'd get to class and all the women would be chatting. I had nothing to contribute to the conversations and felt out of place. So i began getting to class right as it was starting so i wouldn't feel left out. It worked.

[preraph]

She could benefit from therapy but maybe she doesn't fit with that crowd. I use to go to the gym and take yoga. I'd get to class and all the women would be chatting. I had nothing to contribute to the conversations and felt out of place. So i began getting to class right as it was starting so i wouldn't feel left out. It worked.

 

Hey, I'm 66. I don't fit with the crowd anywhere I've worked since I turned 50! It doesn't paralyze me! I'm not in the office cliques, ever, but I can make small talk when necessary and be friendly. It's very basic social skills that are lacking. And I too am not into being around a lot of people and hate office politics, but I can deal with it without coming apart, and he/she needs to fix it. It's just not that hard to fix. She doesn't have to be besties with anyone at the office, but she doesn't want to be the office mouse everywhere she goes either.

[ItsAllConfusing]

She could benefit from therapy but maybe she doesn't fit with that crowd. I use to go to the gym and take yoga. I'd get to class and all the women would be chatting. I had nothing to contribute to the conversations and felt out of place. So i began getting to class right as it was starting so i wouldn't feel left out. It worked.

 

You know I do this with meetings. I wait until they actually start and I go right in. It works. Yes, I don't fit with this cried. I fit like a puzzle piece at my last job but I guess it's because I was the center of "attention," being a receptionist and all. I got along with and spoke to everyone. There were 3 that I didn't really vibe with but I spoke to them. They were all older than me by 10 to 40 years and it was a mixture of men and women. Where I'm at the people are about 7 years younger than me and mostly women. I find I do get along better with men or older women.

[brigit87]

You know I do this with meetings. I wait until they actually start and I go right in. It works. Yes, I don't fit with this cried. I fit like a puzzle piece at my last job but I guess it's because I was the center of "attention," being a receptionist and all. I got along with and spoke to everyone. There were 3 that I didn't really vibe with but I spoke to them. They were all older than me by 10 to 40 years and it was a mixture of men and women. Where I'm at the people are about 7 years younger than me and mostly women. I find I do get along better with men or older women.

 

So don't worry about it. Move your cube and do your work. You can look for another job while you're at this one. You might like reception work better.

[SunnyWeather]

If you want to move your desk, just ask and say you prefer a quieter location where you can concentrate better.

 

As for how you interact with your colleagues, just put on your most relaxed, care free face when you see them and say 'hello' or 'good morning', and 'good bye' or 'good night' when you leave. Just smile and be pleasant. It may be hard but realize that if your struggling internally, it will show on your face, and others might perceive you as being unfriendly. Just be your most pleasant self in your social interactions, and continue to focus on your work.

 

And stop worrying if someone else is better suited for your job, that is so counter productive and self defeating. You obviously have qualities they were looking for when you were hired.

[ItsAllConfusing]

If you want to move your desk, just ask and say you prefer a quieter location where you can concentrate better.

 

As for how you interact with your colleagues, just put on your most relaxed, care free face when you see them and say 'hello' or 'good morning', and 'good bye' or 'good night' when you leave. Just smile and be pleasant. It may be hard but realize that if your struggling internally, it will show on your face, and others might perceive you as being unfriendly. Just be your most pleasant self in your social interactions, and continue to focus on your work.

 

And stop worrying if someone else is better suited for your job, that is so counter productive and self defeating. You obviously have qualities they were looking for when you were hired.

 

Thank you for this advice. I will say that I speak when I pass people but when I come in and sit at my desk I just jump right into work, I don't say good morning. Today at the meeting I seated myself furthest away from everyone but then as more people came in I moved closer. I'm just weird and people can sense my vibe. I just have to try harder to be more open. I will try. Moving my desk will give me a new start and will seat me near new people. I'm going to use this weekend to recuperate.

 

I have some assignments to work on with that coworker I mentioned so maybe I can redeem myself and not come off as so cold.

 

Tonight while reflecting I told myself you get what you give and so a closes up distant person will receive that same attitude back. It makes sense. I have a lot to work on

[ItsAllConfusing]

If moving to another cubicle away from them and just concentrating on your work will make you feel more comfortable and relaxed, do that. Just make sure you get permission first. Maybe you should think about independent counciling for your anxiety.

 

This is a GREAT idea. I'll sign up for it next week. I need it.

[ItsAllConfusing]

You are there to do a job.

 

You are trading your labor for a paycheck. You are not there to make friends or socialize.

 

Don't worry about misc. interactions and what the other people are doing.

 

Focus and DO YOUR JOB!!

 

Yes, you are right. I will take this advice. Thank you.

[ItsAllConfusing]

I think this is a bigger issue for you than it is for others. Most people understand that some people just aren’t social. It’s not a crime. When I started working at a company once, for several months I just kept my head down, did my work, and minded my own business. I later started conversing with others but I’m not much into pot stirrers or office gossip so I stayed away from that. And guess what? Managers love that. They are bombarded with people problems so anyone who does their job and keeps out of trouble is a godsend.

 

The truth is, you’re probably very introspective and that’s just your nature. It most likely means you’re smarter than most people and that you’ll never truly fit in with the crowd. And honestly that’s a good thing. Do you think all the great minds out there fit in with everyone? Most of them felt awkward around others. Even if it’s not necessarily about intelligence, you’re just different. So what?

 

I think if you stop making this an issue in your own mind, you’ll find that no one else is really all that concerned about it. And those who are probably don’t matter. Btw, quitting your job when you don’t have anything else lined up is not a smart move unless you have a bunch of money in savings. Stay where you are. It seems to have a lot of potential and you like the work. Your job isn’t meant to be a social party. The company is paying you to get things done, not to be a social butterfly.

 

Wow your post was really uplifting. Thank you so much.

[ItsAllConfusing]

I think it is best not to make any decisions about the job right now. Try to breathe deep and get through the rest of the day.

 

Have you spoken to a doctor at all about your social anxiety? Or a therapist? Maybe you could and then learn ways to help you navigate that so it doesn't impact you at this job or in the future?

 

Thank you for this. I'm not going to leave just yet. I'm going to look into getting a therapist to help me with this.

[clia]

Thank you for this advice. I will say that I speak when I pass people but when I come in and sit at my desk I just jump right into work, I don't say good morning. Today at the meeting I seated myself furthest away from everyone but then as more people came in I moved closer. I'm just weird and people can sense my vibe. I just have to try harder to be more open. I will try. Moving my desk will give me a new start and will seat me near new people. I'm going to use this weekend to recuperate.

 

Well, at least you can acknowledge that your behavior is weird.

 

So....stop being weird. Start small. Say "good morning" to people. Don't sit so far away from everyone. (For the record, I work with a guy like this who will always sit far off in the corner from everyone else at meetings, and it is really weird behavior.) Make small talk. "How was your weekend?" "Do anything fun?" "Any plans for the holidays?" "Finish all your Christmas shopping?" Etc. You don't have to be the center of attention or participate in extended conversations. Just be polite and pleasant and then go back to doing your work. You can do it!

[ItsAllConfusing]

Well, at least you can acknowledge that your behavior is weird.

 

So....stop being weird. Start small. Say "good morning" to people. Don't sit so far away from everyone. (For the record, I work with a guy like this who will always sit far off in the corner from everyone else at meetings, and it is really weird behavior.) Make small talk. "How was your weekend?" "Do anything fun?" "Any plans for the holidays?" "Finish all your Christmas shopping?" Etc. You don't have to be the center of attention or participate in extended conversations. Just be polite and pleasant and then go back to doing your work. You can do it!

 

 

I do this small talk but only with certain people.

 

Do you think it it's too late to stop being weird? Like if I started just talking to my coworkers out of the blue after 4 months of being silent wouldn't it be even more weird? I can see them thinking wow personality disorder much?

[bathtub-row]

I do this small talk but only with certain people.

 

Do you think it it's too late to stop being weird? Like if I started just talking to my coworkers out of the blue after 4 months of being silent wouldn't it be even more weird? I can see them thinking wow personality disorder much?

 

Just start off by saying good morning to people when you walk by them. These are basic social skills and you’re way overthinking things.