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Not sure if the new job is right for me


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I started a new job 4 months ago. For the most part, it's going OK.

 

Few of the things that annoy me: I am in leadership role and have been told that I am "very quiet". It wasn't a criticism, just an observation. I like to sit back and observe if I am new and don't talk much in the meetings and so on (unless I am chairing the meeting). I feel like I chatted more than enough with team members and other employees, joined in social events and definitely wasn't keeping to myself. So this perception was strange.

 

The other issue is that my boss and my peer have been working together for close to 10 years while the rest of the team are fairly new. I sit in close proximity to them and can hear them whispering, sharing inside jokes and so on. I have no doubt that they discuss me and other new people in great detail. It just makes me feel weird and excluded. The boss makes an attempt to pull me in, but it feels fake. It is very clear that this peer is "the favorite" and it doesn't help that he doesn't like me. He has preference for really loud and brash people.

 

Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

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Alas to some extent this is part of being new. Some of the people have worked together for a long time. You have only been there 4 months. Let your work speak for you & in time you will become a valued member of the team even if you are more quiet then the others.

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The other issue is that my boss and my peer have been working together for close to 10 years while the rest of the team are fairly new. I sit in close proximity to them and can hear them whispering, sharing inside jokes and so on. I have no doubt that they discuss me and other new people in great detail. It just makes me feel weird and excluded. The boss makes an attempt to pull me in, but it feels fake. It is very clear that this peer is "the favorite" and it doesn't help that he doesn't like me. He has preference for really loud and brash people.

 

Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

 

You seem to have some degree of resentment, not an approach helpful in the long run. Every company has a culture and success to a certain degree tied to ones ability to adapt. Of course they’re watching and talking about you, you’re new in a leadership position. This can be used to your advantage but you need a more flexible mindset...

 

Mr. Lucky

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I am in leadership role and have been told that I am "very quiet". <snip> I like to sit back and observe

If you were hired for a leadership role, then sitting back and observing does not fulfill what you were hired to do. Whether new or not, leaders are expected to lead and to be seen to lead,

all the time while 'on the clock'.

 

If your boss is doing what s/he can to include you, but you keep yourself to yourself and decide that you are being whispered about in great detail, then how is the situation going to resolve itself?

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I started a new job 4 months ago. For the most part, it's going OK.

 

Few of the things that annoy me: I am in leadership role and have been told that I am "very quiet". It wasn't a criticism, just an observation. I like to sit back and observe if I am new and don't talk much in the meetings and so on (unless I am chairing the meeting). I feel like I chatted more than enough with team members and other employees, joined in social events and definitely wasn't keeping to myself. So this perception was strange.

 

The other issue is that my boss and my peer have been working together for close to 10 years while the rest of the team are fairly new. I sit in close proximity to them and can hear them whispering, sharing inside jokes and so on. I have no doubt that they discuss me and other new people in great detail. It just makes me feel weird and excluded. The boss makes an attempt to pull me in, but it feels fake. It is very clear that this peer is "the favorite" and it doesn't help that he doesn't like me. He has preference for really loud and brash people.

 

Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

 

You've been there 4 months so the initial time period of just sitting back and observing has passed.

 

Do you WANT to be in leadership?

 

Being a leader means being out front and taking the lead. Are you doing that? Are you bringing new ideas, etc. to the table? Being a positive role model? engaging the subordinate staff and inspiring them?

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While I totally get the sit back and watch attitude, you should understand that you’re very new there and it takes time to integrate into a new place. Try to be less thin-skinned, slowly charm your way in, and take to heart what you’re being told. So, if a superior of yours made the comment about being quiet, it means they expect more involvement from you, so work on that.

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I started a new job 4 months ago. For the most part, it's going OK.

 

Few of the things that annoy me: I am in leadership role and have been told that I am "very quiet". It wasn't a criticism, just an observation. I like to sit back and observe if I am new and don't talk much in the meetings and so on (unless I am chairing the meeting). I feel like I chatted more than enough with team members and other employees, joined in social events and definitely wasn't keeping to myself. So this perception was strange.

 

The other issue is that my boss and my peer have been working together for close to 10 years while the rest of the team are fairly new. I sit in close proximity to them and can hear them whispering, sharing inside jokes and so on. I have no doubt that they discuss me and other new people in great detail. It just makes me feel weird and excluded. The boss makes an attempt to pull me in, but it feels fake. It is very clear that this peer is "the favorite" and it doesn't help that he doesn't like me. He has preference for really loud and brash people.

 

Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

 

You are still the new kid on the block. It's going to take time to fit in.

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keeping your eyes and ears open while keeping your mouth shut is a good policy for the first year at a new job. do your job and do it well

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You've been there 4 months so the initial time period of just sitting back and observing has passed.

 

Do you WANT to be in leadership?

 

Being a leader means being out front and taking the lead. Are you doing that? Are you bringing new ideas, etc. to the table? Being a positive role model? engaging the subordinate staff and inspiring them?

 

Yes I am doing all that. I have gotten to know my subordinates, and am already in the process of fixing what they are unhappy about. I have proposed at least 2 knew projects and am working on getting them started.

 

I don't think that an effective leader needs to be the loudest person during meetings. Especially when new, in a different industry and huge company. I realize that there is so much that I don't know.

 

Basically, I want to be a leader if it means doing bolded. If it means being brash and loud (many such people have little substance behind this) - then no thanks.

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Yes I am doing all that. I have gotten to know my subordinates, and am already in the process of fixing what they are unhappy about. I have proposed at least 2 knew projects and am working on getting them started.

 

I don't think that an effective leader needs to be the loudest person during meetings. Especially when new, in a different industry and huge company. I realize that there is so much that I don't know.

 

Basically, I want to be a leader if it means doing bolded. If it means being brash and loud (many such people have little substance behind this) - then no thanks.

 

You have to read the dynamics in your workplace.

 

How is your boss towards you?

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Being a leader often means the opposite of what you said. But I think what the person meant who said they wanted to hear from you more is that he/she wants more contribution from you. That's not about being loud or dominating the conversation, it's about being involved, enthusiastic, and perhaps even an idea person. That doesn't mean bouncing off the walls with excitement. There are many ways to manage in a mature manner. Management is often a fine line to walk but it's an incredible challenge that's worthy of stepping up to it.

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